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Recent Posts
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Lyrics / Re: All of us suffer for Love
« Last post by Sterix on Yesterday at 10:12:30 PM »Actually, I found it really easy to see a tune for this, probably because of the way I tend to write songs myself.
Love the lyrics. The only line I would possibly look at is this one:
"She'll abandon her roots first sign of any roots, restless for the road"
It's the roots/roots rhyme. I know it's not a total no-no to rhyme the same word but it just feels with the level of these lyrics that it comes across a little... lazy? Perhaps you could replace the second "roots" with "shoots"? That's just a quick idea and wouldn't really change the meaning of the line either. Just a thought.
Nice song though.
Love the lyrics. The only line I would possibly look at is this one:
"She'll abandon her roots first sign of any roots, restless for the road"
It's the roots/roots rhyme. I know it's not a total no-no to rhyme the same word but it just feels with the level of these lyrics that it comes across a little... lazy? Perhaps you could replace the second "roots" with "shoots"? That's just a quick idea and wouldn't really change the meaning of the line either. Just a thought.
Nice song though.
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Lyrics / Revenge
« Last post by Girlinside on Yesterday at 10:08:29 PM »Revenge
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
there’s a glint in her eye that I find cool
I daren’t tell my parents they’ll go berserk
but I’m so intrigued, I wanna be pals
to go where she goes and do as she does
I wanna break from the establishment
this crusty old life is strangling my soul
I need some excitement to make me whole
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
Let’s break the rules of society
I wanna trouble to be my priority
I wanna give the world the finger
I’m not gonna linger on the edge no more
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
my daddies talking about stopping my allowance
he can’t see the pain in my eyes
I’m doing it to hurt him , it’s pay back time
there’s a glint in her eye that I find cool
I daren’t tell my parents they’ll go berserk
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Oh daddy , oh daddy , oh daddy
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
there’s a glint in her eye that I find cool
I daren’t tell my parents they’ll go berserk
but I’m so intrigued, I wanna be pals
to go where she goes and do as she does
I wanna break from the establishment
this crusty old life is strangling my soul
I need some excitement to make me whole
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
Let’s break the rules of society
I wanna trouble to be my priority
I wanna give the world the finger
I’m not gonna linger on the edge no more
Everybody’s talking about the new girl at school
already she’s starting to break the rules
my daddies talking about stopping my allowance
he can’t see the pain in my eyes
I’m doing it to hurt him , it’s pay back time
there’s a glint in her eye that I find cool
I daren’t tell my parents they’ll go berserk
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Soon they’ll all be talking about me
Oh daddy , oh daddy , oh daddy
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Feedback on Works in Progress / Re: Lyrics on a Classical Piece
« Last post by Girlinside on Yesterday at 09:51:22 PM »Wrote this as I listened to it
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
drifting slowly, drifting slowly -
otters swimming , Kingfishers diving
rabbits running , foxes cunning
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
otters swimming , Kingfishers diving
rabbits running , foxes cunning
and god is here and god is here
so do not fear
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
drifting slowly, drifting slowly -
otters swimming , Kingfishers diving
rabbits running , foxes cunning
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
otters swimming , Kingfishers diving
rabbits running , foxes cunning
and god is here and god is here
so do not fear
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
butterflies and dandelions , butterflies and dandelions
Along the waters edge , Along the waters edge ,
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Lyrics / Remember me
« Last post by Girlinside on Yesterday at 09:37:52 PM »Remember me
When the music plays and the sorrow stops for a second
will you look into my eyes
and see my sadness
will you see how hard I tried ?
Will you see my pain ?
without me having to explain
and as the train pulls into the station
will you let me go to my final destination
When you stand by my grave
will you try to be brave
and as you wipe the tears away
will you smile for me , knowing I’m no longer a slave to my gender
and as you lie in the darkness of the night
will you be happy for me that I’m free
and when you hear my favourite tunes
remember the good times
and the lines of poetry that I wrote
so please don’t be sad
I’m off to meet my Dad
as he sits in his shed , smoking his old Holborn
Remember me , remember me
When the music plays and the sorrow stops for a second
will you look into my eyes
and see my sadness
will you see how hard I tried ?
Will you see my pain ?
without me having to explain
and as the train pulls into the station
will you let me go to my final destination
When you stand by my grave
will you try to be brave
and as you wipe the tears away
will you smile for me , knowing I’m no longer a slave to my gender
and as you lie in the darkness of the night
will you be happy for me that I’m free
and when you hear my favourite tunes
remember the good times
and the lines of poetry that I wrote
so please don’t be sad
I’m off to meet my Dad
as he sits in his shed , smoking his old Holborn
Remember me , remember me
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Feedback on Works in Progress / Re: Need some help
« Last post by Girlinside on Yesterday at 09:19:32 PM »Listened to a bit and wrote this
Scream scream
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
you ask forgiveness
from the top table
but you’re not able to forgive yourself
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
the dreams we have are reality
the life we live are just insane
if you aren’t dining on the top table
you’re left with labels that smell of scum
and you’ll never see the sun on birthdays
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
we all seek the door way to new life
but do we all want kids and wives
I’m not crazy , I’m not crazy
but need to scream , need to scream
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
Fades
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Scream scream
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
you ask forgiveness
from the top table
but you’re not able to forgive yourself
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
the dreams we have are reality
the life we live are just insane
if you aren’t dining on the top table
you’re left with labels that smell of scum
and you’ll never see the sun on birthdays
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
we all seek the door way to new life
but do we all want kids and wives
I’m not crazy , I’m not crazy
but need to scream , need to scream
Scream scream - scream scream
there’s no in between
in the life we live
Fades
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
Arghhhhh , arghhh
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Lyrics / Re: 42 days
« Last post by Younger Hills on Yesterday at 09:15:45 PM »Yep, it's Kenny Chesney 
One of my favorite songs and artists!
Cheers mate, I think you're right about the 2nd verse as a 1st instead. And 7 years after I have a whole new perspective on everything, so think i'll maybe try and rewrite the 1st verse into a more fitting 2nd verse instead
One of my favorite songs and artists! Cheers mate, I think you're right about the 2nd verse as a 1st instead. And 7 years after I have a whole new perspective on everything, so think i'll maybe try and rewrite the 1st verse into a more fitting 2nd verse instead
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: Shine On Me
« Last post by Skub on Yesterday at 07:17:31 PM »Ah Shane Magowan turns up again,all sober/cleaned up and half respectable. 
A lovely rock ballad Johan. I dig your chilled period. It's a song performed by a man comfortable in his own musical skin.
Karen did a great job helping with the lyrics,it all fits together sweetly.
A lovely rock ballad Johan. I dig your chilled period. It's a song performed by a man comfortable in his own musical skin.
Karen did a great job helping with the lyrics,it all fits together sweetly.
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: When The Animals Escaped From The Zoo
« Last post by Skub on Yesterday at 07:08:46 PM »Brilliant stuff from you two reprobates. Witty,insightful,funny and rockin'. Aside from all that criticism,I like it.
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: Humour is Anger (with it's makeup on)
« Last post by Skub on Yesterday at 07:06:43 PM »@Neil C
Yo Neil,glad you liked it man. Ido like the way Jeff Lynne produced the Wilburys,so I'll take that as a massive compliment for sure! Love David Byrne too,though I don't hear any Talking Heads in the track. Re the soundcloud thing,I just do a lot of listening on there,so it's kind of a tit for tat job,I suppose.
@PaulAds
Thanks Paul,the fact you enjoyed the lyric means a lot from a wordsmith such as yourself.
@redrhodie
Well that's all you are getting while I'm still on my short song bender. Thanks Lynn.
@MonnoDB
Yo Karen,many thanks for the listen.
@crystalsuzy
Thanks a lot CS.
Yo Neil,glad you liked it man. Ido like the way Jeff Lynne produced the Wilburys,so I'll take that as a massive compliment for sure! Love David Byrne too,though I don't hear any Talking Heads in the track. Re the soundcloud thing,I just do a lot of listening on there,so it's kind of a tit for tat job,I suppose.
@PaulAds
Thanks Paul,the fact you enjoyed the lyric means a lot from a wordsmith such as yourself.
@redrhodie
Well that's all you are getting while I'm still on my short song bender.
Thanks Lynn.@MonnoDB
Yo Karen,many thanks for the listen.
@crystalsuzy
Thanks a lot CS.
