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Feedback on Finished songs / One Heart Whole
« Last post by Rightly on Today at 07:57:41 AM »
one heart whole

Feedback very welcome  :D

This was actually a quick write, written only a few months ago.
Various versions were recorded in those recent few months too.

I've mixed feelings about it to be honest, the acoustic version is nasty that way too.


https://soundcloud.com/rightly/one-heart-whole-1


one heart whole


there's a warm breeze
  and many ways to survive
     take your worries
   and hang them out to dry
  hear me if I'm not mistaken
          forgive me all I know
 many loves must be forsaken
         to make just one heart whole
      to make just one heart whole

      your wily ways
    all these secrets and lies
should have no place
     in your heart or mine
  any thorn can be misleading
     and discolour the rose
 left undone, distraught n needy
   leave me anything but broke
   to make just one heart whole

   drop all defense , discard pretense
      relinquish resistance, be still

    hear me if I'm not mistaken
          forgive me all I know
   many loves must be forsaken
       to make just one heart whole

   leave me anything but broke
      to make just one heart whole

 there's a warm breeze and many ways to
                          survive
_______________________




Rightly
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Feedback on Works in Progress / Re: Monster Say Goodnight
« Last post by cowparsleyman on Today at 07:30:05 AM »
Hi Mella

Nice Vox, piano sounds good.

I'm with Vicki, Pompey and Break, all their comments are spot on...I'm kind of waiting for the change in texture...Love to hear you push your voice, that could work as a change of texture, Monsters are scarey, so sound scared....

Like Pompey I can hear an arrangement in my head, how it could breathe and take the listener for a journey, surprises on the way...things stopping when you don't expect it, things distorted when they shouldn't be....but that's just a personal take on it, you need to be comfy with how you want the piece to be portrayed.

Certainly could do with some BVox, but all subtle like...

...and as Vicki says you might benefit from a change of key somewhere, so the return to the motif is more powerful.

Let me know if I can assist...

cpm


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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: "The Exorcism" Original song
« Last post by Dust2Life on Today at 06:39:04 AM »
Thanks for the feedback. 
Lynn, I posted soundcloud as well. It is just at the bottom. I have gotten a mix of people that love and hate soundcloud. Soundclick I just threw in to make sure people had options.
Caw.. I actually was arguing to add some light percussion, but because I didn't use anything to maintain time..I just winged it.. my cousin said the percussion would just point out the flaws. I do have bigger plans though.

PaulyX, I wrote the song from the perspective of a ghost that is seeking to exorcise somebody from his home. I thought that the whole first part of the song would just be trustbuilding.. and then the line "you should have left when you still had the chance" is the turning point. I think all great horror stories have an element of trustbuilding. That said, it could just as easily be about somebody learning to trust their inner voice..and sometimes our inner voices tell us things like "the pain would stop if you took your life".. and things like that..so I could see how you pulled that from the song.
Funny thing is that my friend Jess is supposed to say those last lines in a monotone voice.. "Let us tie the rope". I didn't have her for long and we couldn't make it fit this time. But, in the future.


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The Bar / Courtney Hadwin!!!
« Last post by CaliaMoko on Today at 02:02:07 AM »
Oh. My. Goodness! She is amazing. I just hope her career, which she most certainly will have (I predict) doesn't ruin her life. She's only 14. Did I mention she is amazing? What a voice! She's incredible.
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Lyrics / Re: burning, shimmering gold
« Last post by philbee on Today at 12:38:23 AM »
My inclination is to use the Bridge as an overview on pleasure in contrast to the 'pain' in the verses.
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Competitions / Re: July SOTM - Voting Now Open.
« Last post by philbee on Today at 12:32:00 AM »
Voted
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: "The Exorcism" Original song
« Last post by PaulyX on Yesterday at 09:35:27 PM »
Powerful track.  I thought the lyrics were ace, especially these lines:

"let us tie the rope
and leave this world hanging."

Your site says it is about trustbuilding... well you know best obviously, but that's not the picture I got from the lyrics.  I was picturing someone looking in a mirror talking to themselves and contemplating suicide.  But there you go, it's great that a song can represent different things to different people.
You've got a great voice and I like the understated delivery.  The haunting acoustic nature of it made me think of Bon Iver's first album... fragile and a teensy bit sinister.
Impressive stuff.
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: Headlines (The Reel Editors)
« Last post by PaulyX on Yesterday at 09:28:06 PM »
Ooooh yes, that was ABSOLUTELY my cup of splosh John.  I love that late 70s post-punk sound.  It made me think of The Stranglers.
That bass sound is fantastic (a bit like the bass in 'No More Heroes'), and the guitars are deliciously unhinged... great effects on them.
I like the simplicity of the chorus too.  You must have had fun belting this one out back in the day.
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: Deep tube rider
« Last post by PaulyX on Yesterday at 09:20:34 PM »
Hey Neil
Enjoyed that.  When I saw the title I thought it would be about someone commuting on the Jubilee Line or something.  But the actual story is a more evocative subject!
The strings are the stars as others have said - I like they way they stay at that constant pace throughout.  Personally I thought the pace was right for the track, lending it a bit of stately gravitas.  And that detuned guitar chimes smashingly.
Nice one.
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Feedback on Finished songs / Re: Headlines (The Reel Editors)
« Last post by pompeyjazz on Yesterday at 08:58:11 PM »
@Wicked Deeds . Thanks so much Paul.  I agree with you that the response should have been more accentuated. Tried  hard to keep it as it was in the Olde days  ;)

@CaliaMoko .Thanks Vicki. I'm well aware of the bware  ;) I think that I often do that sort of misunprociation on purpose for effect. Yes, the news continues to spin but nowadays it tends to tweet rather than us get our hands on some print. I'm still a newspaper and book reader though  :)
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