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October 21, 2017, 08:42:33 AM
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http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13541.0
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 1 
 on: Today at 07:48:38 AM 
Started by CaliaMoko - Last post by shadowfax
It was scary until you started singing..your voice is just too nice to scare anyone...and you don't sound scared!!
otherwise it's a fine effort..it would maybe be more scary and darker if you whispered the song with a sort of cave like reverb on the whisper...or added an effect to the voice..maybe a telephone effect as if you were calling someone because your scared.... Smiley Smiley lyrics definitely work though Smiley Smiley

 2 
 on: Today at 07:43:32 AM 
Started by shadowfax - Last post by shadowfax
Hi John, yeah, i reckon your right about the intro, my project has somehow become corrupted and will not open so at the mo can't do anything about it...
gotta figure out how to open the damn thing Huh Huh

ta for listening mate.. Smiley

 3 
 on: Today at 07:23:41 AM 
Started by 2tuoo - Last post by tone
What's a song without rhymes?
Is that prose?
No. A song isn't defined as a song merely because of the rhymes. It's the rhythm and structure too. Prose is more un-structured text, just sentences and paragraphs. You could, however, make it rhyme, but it still wouldn't be a song.

Welcome to the forum by the way Smiley

 4 
 on: Today at 07:01:06 AM 
Started by Jackdaw - Last post by Rosie1991
Lovely words and would love to hear it as a song

 5 
 on: Today at 05:15:53 AM 
Started by kaalbas - Last post by Rosie1991
Hi the words to this song are heart felt and would  love to hear this in a song

 6 
 on: Today at 04:50:18 AM 
Started by 2tuoo - Last post by 2tuoo
What's a song without rhymes?
Is that prose?

 7 
 on: Today at 04:48:52 AM 
Started by 2tuoo - Last post by 2tuoo
Thanks Vintage54!

I'll try to implement some of the change.

The modifications on 2nd line of each verse change the rhythmic pattern I'll try to use your suggestions and add some words to keep the with going Smiley

About the change in the last line of the first verse :

       
Quote
  You drag your feet but push on through
                          Struggle with your enemy
                          You grind your teeth but still you say
                          I'll taste defeat but win the day

I'm not comfortable with my own version of this line at all.
In your suggestion, it gives out the punchline of the song very early, do you think there is a way to show daily grind and desperation (with hopelessness) in some way?

thanks!

 8 
 on: Today at 02:43:53 AM 
Started by CaliaMoko - Last post by CaliaMoko
Here's my "Dark Side of the Tune" entry. I had a lot of fun with this. Instead of my usual guitar track and one to three vocal tracks, I went online and found some cool (to me, anyway) sound effects and experimented with them. Then I also experimented with some midi percussion and bass. Finally, I added a bit of a lyric and ended up with this. Well, something close to this. I posted it in "Works in Progress" and got a couple comments first and made a few adjustments. It could use a little more adjusting, but I haven't been home enough (and--in fact--am not home right now so don't have access to my recording computer). Anyway, if you feel moved to listen and comment, I'm more interested in feedback on my production as opposed to my usual "don't bother commenting on my production because I don't know what I'm doing". Other feedback is more than welcome, too, of course. Please be ruthless. It's the only way I can improve. Grin

https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/somethings-coming-demo/s-nUyW8


Something's Coming

(Whispered: I'm scared. It's so dark.)
Something's coming. I can hear it.
Running, running. I'm so scared.
I can't see it. Where's the light?
Something's coming, in the night.

Can you hear it, can you hear it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear?
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.

Something's coming. I can feel it.
Shivers running up my spine.
I can't see it, but I feel it.
Something's coming in the night.

Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.

Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.

Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.

(Whispered: It's so dark.)



Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison
All Rights Reserved

 9 
 on: Today at 02:09:31 AM 
Started by CaliaMoko - Last post by CaliaMoko
I know I'm slow with my thank you's...sorry.

You have a lovely sweet old fashioned voice and you cannot help but be enthralled by the sweetness of the song delivery.
Thank you! I like old fashioned. And sweet. I don't think of my voice as sweet but I suppose it sounds different from inside my head than it does outside it. Grin

Hi Vicki - I also heard "Love is our guide through the darkness" as a chorus, the melody is lovely and it flows so well. For the rest I think you did a great job given the constraints, and perhaps a freer version would be worth doing too.
Thanks, Adam! Yes, now that I have all this great feedback on the melody as is, I do want to use the words and make a separate song with verses and choruses and all that.

Cool making music with constraints. I should try that sometimes Smiley
That aside, I think this works well enough. If I had walked past you in Greenwich Village when it all happened I would have stopped and listened for a while Smiley
Thank you! I wish I could have gone to Greenwich Village in "the day". I would have loved busking around and meeting and working with other musicians back then. Although, knowing myself at that time, what I was like, it would probably have been a disaster. Not musically, but--how do I say it--I think I would have gone all wild and maybe wrecked my life.

Hey Vicki, lovely campfire vibe and extremely well sung. Personally I liked the lack of a verse/chorus structure here... it somehow made it seem almost like a religious chant or a prayer to me. A nice positive song to counterbalance all the 'dark song comp' entries.
Thanks, Pauly. That is pretty much exactly what I was going for. I do have a dark song, too, though, you know. I just need to get it into "Finished Songs".

If only there was more of this in the world! I lovely folky song with a ending which as other have said, could well form a great chorus if you wanted it to.
Thank you, James! I'm going to keep working on this and hope to make it a verse-chorus structure. If I kept these words to this tune, I would have two songs with the same melody, so I need to develop this a little differently, now that I have it, so I can actually count it as two songs.

Beautifully done, yet again. Such sweet vocals. I totally picked up the prayer vibe as is, not a bad thing at all, yet I'm really interested to hear the lyric broken into the separate sections to frame your verses and make the melody stand out. The 3 line chorus with the slightly different ending suggestions would work a dream - and really send that message on home. Love is indeed our guide Smiley
Thanks so much, Caz! The beauty of it being able to work as is OR as a song with verses and choruses is that I have two sets of words and it would be good to have the two songs be somewhat different. So working on developing the song form is next.

That's really lovely. I know that comment is kind of a platitude... But it really is - it stands out for its loveliness. I agree repeating the love is our guide phrase as a chorus another couple of times would work beautifully. And would make a lovely guide through the song as well  Cheesy
Thanks a bunch! I appreciate the positive feedback muchly!

Sorry I missed this one, Vicki  Embarrassed

Lyric contain a lovely sentiment...with sweet vocals and the acoustic guitar work is coming along really well too.

You continue to be an inspiration  Kiss
Thank you, Paul. Thanks especially for remarking on the guitar. My practice is so hit and miss with all my traveling these days that I wonder if I'm making any progress at all, so that's good to hear. I'm always with myself so I don't detect the improvement.

Very nice Vicki.

I wonder if you went up to the A instead of the F#for the 'love is our guide' bit and follow it from there you'll have the right lift for the refrain/chorus ending bit.
Thanks, Ian. I think that was one of the ways I tried it and not sure why I didn't stick with it. It does seem like it would give it more of a needed lift.

Whew! Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback. You people are all so NICE! I really am fine with ruthless feedback, so I hope you're not sugar-coating your remarks. I like to have problems to work on.  Grin

Thank you all for listening!

Vicki

 10 
 on: Yesterday at 10:14:51 PM 
Started by Hooded Singer - Last post by pompeyjazz
Totally agree. I still love my old Aria pro 2 cs400 so much,  maybe it's because It's shared life with me

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