The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on March 12, 2015, 11:29:05 PM
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Pop song nearly finished -
It's scruffy and a rough mix at the moment...
***EDIT - NOW FINISHED***
https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/party
'I'm the Party'
I'm the party,
See the lights come on,
When I hear that beat,
I'm the party,
Gonna shake this room,
Gonna wake this street
The night is coming down,
But it's not done,
I'm gonna turn it round,
I'm a Supernova
The room won't take no more
We'll bounce it off the walls
I want to hear you scream out loud
I'm the party,
See the lights come on,
When I hear that beat,
I'm the party,
Gonna shake this room,
Gonna wake this street
I'm the party,
See the night light up,
When I hit the floor,
I'm the party,
I'm the reason you don't lock the door
We're swinging from the roof
Monkeys in trees
We just can't see the wood
For the L E D's
I'm here now it can start
The room is super-charged
I'm gonna make you scream out loud
I'm the party,
I'm the party,
I'm the party,
Gonna shake this room,
Gonna wake this street
I'm the party,
See the night light up,
When I hit the floor,
I'm the party,
I'm the reason you don't lock the door
(Spoken)
You see the thing with parties is
They end too soon
And what I've learnt through my years of socialising is that
I am, in fact, The Party
I'm the party,
See the lights come on,
When I hear that beat,
I'm the party,
Gonna shake this room,
Gonna wake this street
I'm the party,
See the night light up,
When I hit the floor,
I'm the party,
I'm the reason you don't lock the door
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I don't know about this, it's lacking that contemporary feel, i would remove the 'spoken bit' .... ,..the chorus is catchy, the production is clear, i suspect this would be fine to pitch at 'rest of the world music scene' but would struggle with UK/US music ? i could well be wrong.
Lyrics are your achilles heel , not that these are bad ,the Gonna L M F A O oh oh...is good,but pop these days has to convey some sort of sentiment .
All in all, it's an accomplished piece, but as soon as they sense something is dated they pass.
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Hey Alan,
I thought it came together quite well.
I actually like the spoken word section I thought it was a nice way to break up the flow and a nice little jokey sentiment.
Also thought the little count down from 10 section worked well - although I would like to hear that deeper bass do the 1,2,3 bit it feels to me like that would be more effective.
Well thats my two cents worth.
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Hi Alan
Can't listen just yet but the title is very similar to "I Am a Wild Party" done by a Canadian band (Kim Mitchell) which is a pretty good song BTW. Looking forward to hearing this later.
Paul
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Hi Alan
Can't listen just yet but the title is very similar to "I Am a Wild Party" done by a Canadian band (Kim Mitchell) which is a pretty good song BTW. Looking forward to hearing this later.
Paul
First instinct was that this didn't really work all that well. By the halfway point of the song, it won me over. Sang along with the second listen.
This is infectuous (sp) in it's charm. It grew on me VERY rapidly. I think what initially put me off is that it was so different from what I expect from you. By the end of the song, that's part of the charm.
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Hey Alan,
I thought it came together quite well.
I actually like the spoken word section I thought it was a nice way to break up the flow and a nice little jokey sentiment.
Also thought the little count down from 10 section worked well - although I would like to hear that deeper bass do the 1,2,3 bit it feels to me like that would be more effective.
Well thats my two cents worth.
Good call Brendan.
*edited
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Alan,
Lots to enjoy with this infectious slightly retro dance pop.
Vocoder vocals work well.
Wasn't sure about the slight drop in energy for the first part of the first chorus, but the repeated 2nd part got the energy pumping.
Thoughts: perhaps lift the energy levels even more rhythmically and make it a bit more manic party - how about some Isely Bros solo over the ending ;D
:) :)
Neil
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Hi Alan,
I can hear the 'I'm A Party' brought out more with some harmonies or more tracks of your voice for a 'thicker' sound. That would mean not putting the effect on the voice which I liked to start with but then the novelty wore off and I started to hear more human voices singing. I thought about the 2 different ways and decided that I would prefer the second way. But these are just my thoughts a\nd don't mind anyone disagreeing.
:)
Marrianna
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I honestly couldn't engage with this song at all, but that could be a "generation gap" thing. I don't know if it would sell or not but I will say that it has catchier lyrics than a lot of the songs on the charts.
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Thanks guys,
A Nashville pub I've got another song with is interested in this with a few edit's and lyrical tweaks.
I'm working on it at the mo.
I'll keep y'all informed.
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I'd never dream of writing something like this or adding it to my play list. Having said this, I take my hat off to you. Your writing is so accomplished. It sounds very modern and commercial to me and I dare say that's your intention. The theme doesn't interest me at all (I'm not your audience) but still, you use your excellent writing skills to pitch a particular genre to a particular audience. it's so hard for me to appraise this accurately. I can only say that I recognise all of the hallmarks of good song construction, regardless of genre and my own personal preferences.
Cool!
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Cheers Deeds.
Kind words.
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Hey Alan!
Good song! I like your chords!
got a couple of things:
- vocals could use some more color. the auto-tune completely kills the performance. Try some more vocal modes (belting, neutral with air, speech). this would add a lot more contrast.
- hook's catchy and music is well produced (although the panning is maybe a little extreme).
- like the speech part. don't care much for the countdown and think your pre-chorus is your biggest issue. Maybe try out a more lydian or mixolydian feel? Or add an uplifter, swoosh, etc. You could also suggest some more tension with melody (keyword: ascending melody). It's good you're doing that in the guitar already but it doesn't really work for me yet as it's kind of hard to hear.
hope this helps ;) PM me for more or we can also skype
f.
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Lyrical rewrite and remix with various edits.
Any opinions before I forward to my Nashville publisher appreciated.
Cheers ears.
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Great hook - the melody of the hook is catchy and string plus I love the line 'I'm the party' clever lyric. I've gotta agree with STC on saying I don't get a contemporary feel of it a la Calvin Harris or Pitbull if I'm honest. It's a strong and polished production (as yours always are) just feels a little dated at times. I have to disagree with STC and say that I LOVE the spoken bit. It's got a great way of breaking the song up plus the effects on the voice are quite neat. Will be interesting to see who the Nashville publisher pitches this to - I would love to see Willie Nelson cut it ;)
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Hi Alan
this sounds disco to me - is it back? Not that I'd know ;D
must admit this is not my favourite of yours
I guess it is because it is so diff than your usual writes and style
just seems like it was written to sell rather than to show your excellent artistry.
But then again I was never a disco fan (and there's nothing wrong with making money) so ignore me at will
Paul