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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Vintage54 on February 03, 2015, 09:59:40 PM
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Living
There's a cemetary down the lane
That keeps calling out my name
But i'm still coming i aint ready to go
There's still juice inside of me
I'm still hanging on the tree
While the wind sweeps up the dead leaves down below
Some men die before they're done
Like worn out engines cease to run
But i'm still dancing down the avenue
I still want to fall in love
Wonder at the stars above
See the glory of a new day breaking through
I won't be hungry when i leave the table
I won't be chewing over sad regrets
I'm gonna push the boat out while i'm able
Sail into the sun before it sets
When i can only sleep in bed
When a pretty girl can't turn my head
I'll know the time has come for me to stop
If they ask you did my spirit fly
Did i drink life's ocean dry
Tell them that i didn't waste a drop
But i'm still up and moving round
Still making plans and covering ground
Though i know one day i'll have to take a seat
If your'e standing by my grave someday
These are the words i hope you say
It's the only time the grass grew round his feet
I wont be hungry when i leave the table
I wont be chewing over sad regrets
I'm gonna push the boat out while i'm able
Sail into the sun before it sets.
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Nice one. Like :-) Good imagery, positive sentiment, feel-good stuff.
It's "cemetery", BTW, three "e".
Cheers,
Bernd
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Hi Vintage
It's a strong write structure wise and there are some great metaphors and images here.
TBH for me, it kind of jumped around a bit too much metaphorically. For example in the second stanza it jumps from a "worn out engine" to a person dancing. And in the chorus (?) he's sitting at a table chewing then we jump to a boat/water scene. The images are well painted, but they come at us rapid-fire but maybe that was your intent. The only other nit I have is "taking a seat" when you die. I know you wanted a rhyme for feet, but I usually think we lie down when we die..
Sorry for the sh*tstorm of negatives - if I pointed out the positives we'd be here all day... ;D ;D
Paul
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Hi Bernd, And the ever present Paulski, and thanks for the comments. Paulski, what i meant by "One day i'll have to take a seat" was getting tired and slowing down, death comes later. God! i'm cheerful. I have to say, that of all the lyrics iv'e posted on here, this is my personal favourite. But to each his own my friend. Oh, by the way Paulski, had a listen to your latest offering on the finished songs section, first time iv'e checked you out on there. I was most impressed, particularly with your voice. Are you sure it belongs to that baby face of yours? Nice one.
Vintage54
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Hi Bernd, And the ever present Paulski, and thanks for the comments. Paulski, what i meant by "One day i'll have to take a seat" was getting tired and slowing down, death comes later. God! i'm cheerful. I have to say, that of all the lyrics iv'e posted on here, this is my personal favourite. But to each his own my friend. Oh, by the way Paulski, had a listen to your latest offering on the finished songs section, first time iv'e checked you out on there. I was most impressed, particularly with your voice. Are you sure it belongs to that baby face of yours? Nice one.
Vintage54
Thanks for that Vintage - no that voice belongs to an old fart that looks just like me !!