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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Vintage54 on October 04, 2014, 09:47:58 PM
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Scarecrow
Casey waited all his life
For a ship that only sailed away
Born with a miners blood in his veins
At the dawn of a working day
At age sixteen he followed his dad
To the bottom of a dirty hole
And he filled his lungs with a black disease
Crawling on his belly for coal
When the old man died and the pit closed down
And there was no work to be found
He pulled his roots and he took em down south
To plant em in some better ground
But the streets were cold not paved with gold
And the faces were as hard as stone
And he wandered round like a hungry dog
Scratching in the dirt for a bone
He found a little work and he washed some pots
And he pushed a part time broom
And his nights were the long and lonesome kind
On the sheets of a bed bug room
His mind would roam to the hills back home
As the wind whistled through the frame
And he thought of the mother whose light went out
Before he even knew her name
Time it turned but its hands couldnt heal
The pain of his daily grind
And the likes of jack daniels and old jim beam
Were the only friends he could find
They led him down to the low side of town
Where the salvation train never stops
Spitting his lungs in a trash can fire
And sleeping in a cardboard box
His hair grew long and his shoulders sagged
From the weight of his empty sack
And his clothes looked like they belonged in a field
Hanging on a scarecrows back
Then one night when the world was white
With the mercury at nine below
His last breath froze in those scarecrow clothes
Underneath a blanket of snow.
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Wow, Vintage
This one packs a punch!! Sad. I feel sympathy for the character Casey you've created. What a hard life and the story told with great images and detail. Raw, brutal, uncooked. Love it. :)
Peace,
Carbor
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Thanks man!
Every reaction, good or bad, is a connection. Its all good as far as im concerned. Theres a thank you on the wind, blowing your way. Peace to you also, my friend.
Vintage54
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Hi Vintage.
I love your first two lines. What a perfect start to a story-song! (And they inspired me to write a lyric about sailing, which I've just posted.)
I like the rest of the piece too... The roots bit is nicely dealt with, and the "bed bug room" is great.
My only issue is I wanted a chorus. You're telling the whole span of this guy's life, and I wanted something briefer and more focused to contrast with that.
But the verses are strong, so I shouldn't complain. :P
By the way, I nominated you for September Lyrics of the Month - I don't know if you're aware... Do remember to vote!
Matt
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This is excellent, really good descriptions of the man's life. I love the lyric about the part time broom. Simple yet effective. Well done. For me the simple easy flow reflects how his life was kind of always going to turn out that way. Good stuff.
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A really great story and great, descriptive language.
My only critiques would be small nits. And, even those might not pertain, once you get a melody behind it.
example:
Time it turned but its hands couldnt heal
The pain of his daily grind
I would change to:
Time kept turning but its hands couldnt heal
The pain of his daily grind
or, maybe:
Time dragged on but its hands couldnt heal
The pain of his daily grind
or something like that...
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Some super lines in there and nicely turned phrases - wish I could do that!
I wouldn't change a thing if this were to be published as a story type poem.
As a song lyric though I wanted some kind of hook, maybe a chorus, or at the minimum a repeating line at the end of every verse. Introducing the theme/nugget so late in the song breaks Ralph Murphy's law but they say if 15% of a swarm of bees didn't get lost, they'd never find new sources of honey..
Nice write!
Paul