The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on August 16, 2014, 10:49:18 PM
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This is a work in progress.
Sometimes events prompt a song. I don't enjoy writing these songs but they need to come out.
https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/where-is-your-soul-demo/s-4dytu
EDIT : 20/08/14
Where Is Your Soul
Where is your soul
It couldn't make you happy
You struggled and found that nothing works
Alone in a beautiful dark world
Where is your smile
And your crazy moments
Something has gone that made it fun
It's too late to save now that you're done
We sat on the hill shouting down to the people
Laughing at words you said that didn't mean a thing
10 year old boys joining in with the madness
That was sadness in the end
Where is your soul
It couldn't make you happy
Sometimes the fear can get too much
You want to reach out but you're too scared to touch
We sat on the hill shouting down to the people
Laughing at words you said that didn't mean a thing
10 year old boys joining in with the madness
That was sadness in the end
Where is your soul
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Really liked the vibe/atmosphere in this. Vocals are very good and relaxing to listen to.
If that were a pedal steel, it would have reminded me of Crosby Stills and Nash - but obv. the elect guitar makes it more modern sounding.
I wondered if there could be a section with just suspended chords and that lead guitar to hinge the center - then bring it back with some drums - just a thought.
Another pro track from you IMO.
Good luck with it
Paul
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Nice song musical and lyrically, maybe had a little more embellishment to the guitar, add a simple repeatable melody to keep it familiar...
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I really enjoyed listening this. Loved the build and the guitar work - really thought it was top notch! I have a suggestion, I wonder if the excellent melody might flow better, if you were to take out some of the gaps in the verses and run the lyric on. It would meaning writing more words (double), but I really think it could add something to the song having really defined verses and then instrumental sections. Might be worth experimenting by singing the lyric, without the gaps?
But having said that this is great. Good luck with it. BTB
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A beautiful piece of music and presumably written at speed too if it's about a certain high profile suicide.
It's not an easy topic to write a song about but the lyric so far is subtle enough to carry it. I also like the way it's open to interpretation; is it simply asking 'where was your life spirit' or is it literally asking 'where is your soul' (I'm not religious myself but the issue of where someone's soul goes after suicide is a very weighty one in certain circles).
Also like the nod to Suicide is Painless at the beginning.
I look forward to hearing the finished song. Standards are so high around here!
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cant find the track with the link!
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It's now in 'finished songs'.
Thanks for dropping by though. ;-)