The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: DoubleD on July 03, 2014, 05:07:40 PM
-
Hi all, been stuck in a rut songwriting wise for over a year now, haven't been able to write anything that I enjoyed or wanted to listen to more than once in a long time. Picked up the guitar today and threw this together in about 15 minutes. First thing I've not hated in a long time. Any advice appreciated, will probably rejig the vocals a bit as they are just thrown together, and will lay down a little acoustic solo at the end. Oh and please excuse the guitar playing, I'm rusty. Any thoughts appreciated.
https://soundcloud.com/double-d-2/fire-burns-low
Lyrics
Old man buried
an old man dead
Old mans tombstone
all doused in red.
All deceivers and non believers
Come together now bow your head
Down the river goes
On and on
You cant keep running all night long
Singing Low
Fire burns low
Singing home
River runs home
Lost his hand
in a mining town
Lost his woman
to king and crown.
Sons and daughters
all gathered round
watched him lowered
into the ground
Down the river goes
On and on
You cant keep running all night long
Singing low
fire burns low
Singing home
river runs home
-
Hello and welcome!
Well done on this, it's great. If this is the only piece of your own work you've liked for a long time, I submit that you are too hard on yourself. ;)
I love the spare, resonant lyrics, and the strumming and chords work perfectly with the vocal. It's all dark, insistent and authentic.
I'd drop the level of the vocal double in the pre-chorus significantly, and I think you could do more with the harmonica.
For me, the pre-chorus is the weakest part - I think it could build more than it does. But I really like the verse and chorus.
My only other issue is that's one heck of a long fade-out. It seems like you're not sure how to bring the song to a close?
But if this is a WIP, I can't wait to hear the finished version.
Well done!
Matt
-
Your guitar playing is fab! I was not expecting it to be that good after your introduction- you're too modest :) the picking and strumming fits in perfectly with each section of the song, it really builds the song.
I love the chorus, really nice hook there, I will probably be singing that all day now... Although I definitely think the harmonica could be louder and more influential throughout the piece. The rawness of the song is great but it could be interesting to throw a few more instruments into the mix just to really build the climaxes in the song and emphasise the chorus. I actually really like the long fade out, it's therapeutic and calming although I do see how it could be cleaned up a little.
Maybe also look at the volume of the vocal, sometimes it sounded unnaturally louder than others, granted that could just be my dodgy speakers :)
Other than that I was really pleasantly surprised and really liked the piece!
-
Hi Double D
A great song! As has already been said, the volume / mix around the chorus "singing low, fire burns low...etc" is out of kilter with the rest of the song. That is an easy fix though. Very bluesy ( I can hear elements of Paul Rodgers in your vocal- he is obviously an influence) and I love the lyrics too.
"lost his hand in a mining town" ... ho ho, that's a bad place to be LOL ;D ;D ;D
Well written and well performed. Your spark, has just returned :-)
-
Like this dude.
When the harmonica kicked in at 1:30 intro to the 2nd verse, I expected it to continue as an accompaniment from there on. It didn't. I think it should. Maybe as a counterpoint melody?
Tighten up the vocal in a few places because the guitar is great.
The end / last minute could go a couple of different ways, I'll leave that to you. ;)
Nice feel to the whole track though.
Mihkay
-
Man you got the making of a great song here DoubleD great guitar playing great lyrics and that Singing Low verse, WOW, Western Style.
Hope you post this again when you do whatever you have to do to it and yeah welcome back DoubleD, post more songs Man.
-
love where this is going, sounds great.
-
Thanks everybody for listening, I really appreciate it. Will definitely sort out the verse volume issue as a few of ye have pointed out. I don't actually really know how to play the harmonica, when I was mastering the track I had the mic still plugged in and I had the harmonica in my hand and blew a few notes as I was listening to the song, it was never meant to be on the take but I left it. Must put a few weeks into learning the ins and outs of that instrument. I've never heard of Paul Rodgers! Must check him out. Thanks to all again for listening. Take care.