The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on September 12, 2013, 10:29:00 AM
-
Life is too short...
Here's a song I'm working on:
https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/ties-that-bind-master
'Ties That Bind'
I'm leaning on you and you're leaning on
Somebody else who's leaning against me
I'm pushing forwards and you're pulling backwards
Everybody's trying to squeeze it in
A spinning ball that never makes a sound
We think there's nothing left to see
Tiny dots of people running round
Chained together in a world
That's free
I don't remember when every member
Of the family was here
Always doing something or going somewhere
We just need to be aware
That we won't always be around to share
Happy memories of life
So at least I'll let you know I care
Don't want to lose the ties
So won't you call me when I don't expect you to call me
Won't you knock on my door when nothing's been arranged
Won't you call me when I don't expect you to call me
Won't you knock on my door when nothing's been arranged
Nothing's been arranged
Another lesson that we have to learn
The easy way ain't going to work
So won't you call me when I don't expect you to call me
Won't you knock on my door when nothing's been arranged
Won't you call me when I don't expect you to call me
Won't you knock on my door when nothing's been arranged
Nothing's been arranged
LET LOVE RULE!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks,
Alan.
-
I seem to recall you saying you had a concert ukulele and i`m assume thats what your playing? it`s gotsuch a nice tone and that rhythm very quickly `hooks` the listener,,,
I think it has a TURIN BREAKS feel to it,and i like them,,so i like this,,,commercial sounding folky piece..i need a few more listens to say anything more,but it`s near complete..the production is once again to be admired,
-
Always feel something of a resonance when I catch sight of a line or title that I've had in my head. Ties that bind was a theme in my song Bedding down the roses, and was alluding to gardening and the changing seasons as a metaphor for a rare and long-lasting relationship! Hahahahah.
Anyway, I'd already commented on SC, but just to reiterate great intro, great vocal. Lovely song.
-
I will take a listen later or over the weekend, but just wanted to say the lyrics really resonated.
-
Hi Alan,
Great guitar work - capo up the fret 'Train' style - very, very good vocal
I think you could 'big' the drums up for the finished bhuna, get a big walking band style type thing going - a fanfare
I can see the video with lots of people marching
I thought the 'so won't you call ' me section wasnt quite as good as the rest of the writing - kind of G C D type thing - I realise that you might not be playing those chords
but if you stick with this I think you need to build the arrangement up a lot to compensate - backing vocals, more instrumentation etc
Please do not take this as criticism as I think you are first class but that section is just missing something - particularly as I love what comes before so much
;D
-
really nice this alan
sounds really beatley,
in the changes and the bvs..bassline maybe..maccas in there somewhere..
really takes off..
-
Alan,
In spite of my almost heretical dislike of Ukes, I thinks its a really very good, catchy song. I particularly liked the lyrics about contradictions - v smart. Great opening lines. Vocals and productions top notch as ever. Interesting change of style at 1.45 when you go into the chorus. Took me by surprise the first time.
Think I'd be included to go overboard with vocals over the 'So wont you call me..' end choruses.
One other thought was about the title, which is a good one and supports the concept but its only used once, you might want to consider 'Nothing's been arranged?' which you repeat?
:) :)
Neil
-
Thanks guys... good points all.
I'm on it!