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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on August 08, 2013, 10:43:42 PM

Title: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Alan Starkie on August 08, 2013, 10:43:42 PM

I started writing this yesterday so this is the bare bones of a song:


https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/in-love-with-your/s-cYuF9

Lyric-wise, there's not much yet but here you go -


In Love With Your Smile

Verse

Time won't listen to my prayers
I've been waiting for so long............

Chorus

I'm in love with your smile
I'm in love with the way you turn and look at me
I'm in love with the fact that you're just mine


And that's it at the moment.

Cheers :-)

UPDATE - added Pre Chorus and Bridge ideas...

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Peppermint on August 09, 2013, 11:30:39 PM

I really like this,
Sounds upbeat and happy  :)

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Dutchbeat on August 13, 2013, 03:59:39 PM

man, that is good! and you only worked a day on this one?....it pretty excellent already, nice cathy and sunny tune, chorus is super

hitpotential once again

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Alan Starkie on August 13, 2013, 07:55:49 PM

Thanks Dutch,

I keep adding bits to it and replacing the soundcloud version that links here (is that allowed?). It's being tweaked and fleshed out day by day now.

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Dutchbeat on August 13, 2013, 08:10:04 PM

that must be allowed....
yes, why not?
excellent idea!

a great song, a certified hit you have there!

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Jess on August 13, 2013, 08:14:48 PM

This popped up at the side of my screen but you could only see 'in love with your s' instead of the whole title... I got really scared because I thought it was going to say 'in love with your son' or something! ;D Disaster averted

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: montydog on August 17, 2013, 01:37:23 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you have a real talent for writing commercial material. You make it sound like it just pours out with no effort. I think James Nighthawk said that you are the most likely to make a career out of this out of anyone on the forum and I agree with him. This is a WIP? Jeez, it sounds finished to me 8)

Top notch - I cannot suggest anything to improve what you already have.

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: Neil C on August 18, 2013, 10:40:52 AM

Alan,
Classy pop and as Alan says your WIP sounds finished to me, and I know you'll hone it even more.you talented blighter!

Great chorus, really like the Do. Do, Do's ( I guess they may be a placeholder but it worked for me ) and the variation on the middle 8.

Apart from putting a snare on the later choruses the only other suggestion i could make is perhaps up could have a bigger gap and lift the key a couple of semitones after the middle 8 at 3.10 to build tension? Its know a bit hackneyed but it can work...
:)
Neil
 

 

Title: Re: 'In Love With Your Smile' - working title
Post by: GTB on August 20, 2013, 11:16:39 PM

Hi Alan, this sounds great, I too am impressed by how quickly you get an idea to such a high standard - if not a little envious too!

Quote from: Neil C on August 18, 2013, 10:40:52 AM

...your WIP sounds finished to me, ...

I like the use of "placeholders" for the vocals too, maybe I'll try that and get stuff done quicker too :-)
good luck with it
GTB