The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on July 17, 2013, 11:19:59 PM
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It's been a while but I've managed to finally get back into writing and recording after moving house and job.
This little song has been floating around for a few weeks.
It's unfinished but you can get what I'm aiming for hopefully.
Thanks for any comments.
https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/summer-clothes_rough-idea/s-XvpnO
Summer Clothes
Summer sun, where did you go
We've been looking so long
Only coming out when the winter's gone
Come and play with the world again
Show us how to be free
Chase away the night so that we can see
Say you'll be the one to take us home
Don't put your summer clothes back in the closet
Cos summer's not over yet
Don't put your summer clothes back in the closet
Cos summer's not over yet
I don't need to make you see
What you mean to me
When I can sit right down and take in the morning breeze
Holding down another day
Keeping up the pace
You're the only friend I need when you warm my face
Taking care of the children as they play
CHORUS
When I'm lost in myself
I can look for a light
Take the colours away
Even then I can see why we look to the sky
SOLO
CHORUS/OUTRO
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Alan, delighted you're back.
Nice tune, I liked the minor chording which i felt made it sound slight autumnal if that makes sense..
I think I'd develop the synth/string arrangement.
Unfinished? Yet I know it'll only get getter :'(
:)
Neil
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Nice little tune. I reckon if it were a bit punchier on the beat it would make it stronger as a pop style, it's loose and laid back as it stands, which is fine, more small-town country than indie pop-rock. Nice though.
I like the rough concept, it's like a smallscale Mr Blue Sky in terms of its message...but..."in the closet", is that a deliberate lateral allusion? If not, then seems a bit weird, closet is a mundane word except in the context of either being "in one" or finding a skeleton there...isn't it?
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Hmmm....man, you can sing! Great as it is so far - definitely worth pursuing with more lyrics and maybe an instrumental break. It's a very catchy, strong melody. Lovely, clean, smooth and classy production - like the audio equivalent of a magnum on a summer day.
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Alan, delighted you're back.
Nice tune, I liked the minor chording which i felt made it sound slight autumnal if that makes sense..
I think I'd develop the synth/string arrangement.
Unfinished? Yet I know it'll only get getter :'(
:)
Neil
Thanks Neil. Nice to be back. Autumnal.. yeah I can definitely see that.
Nice little tune. I reckon if it were a bit punchier on the beat it would make it stronger as a pop style, it's loose and laid back as it stands, which is fine, more small-town country than indie pop-rock. Nice though.
I like the rough concept, it's like a smallscale Mr Blue Sky in terms of its message...but..."in the closet", is that a deliberate lateral allusion? If not, then seems a bit weird, closet is a mundane word except in the context of either being "in one" or finding a skeleton there...isn't it?
Cheers. 'is that a deliberate lateral allusion?' - I have no idea! lol
It was always 'closet' in my head. 'Wardrobe' is like a mouthful of marbles.
Hmmm....man, you can sing! Great as it is so far - definitely worth pursuing with more lyrics and maybe an instrumental break. It's a very catchy, strong melody. Lovely, clean, smooth and classy production - like the audio equivalent of a magnum on a summer day.
Ha!!! What a description... I love it.
Thanks Monty. I'm going to implement near enough everything mentioned.
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links down :)
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links down :)
Sorted.
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Yeah, cupboard would also probably not work...although potential for cupboard love...
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link doesn't work for me at the moment
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i will get back
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Sorry guys - link sorted.
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Like his Alan,
You have a voice thats at the higher register and it works really well here. Good chorus. ;-)
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Yup this is a good un and a keeper! ;D
So I think I'd develop the lyrics of the chorus, you maybe need a couple of new lines, otherwise it's just a little bit too repetitive.
Perfect lyrically for an ad methinks!!!! You're well on the way with this one, I reckon a little instrumental break, with some sort of 'summer sun' lyric chanting away (with multi-layered vocals) and it's done!
x
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Thanks kiltimaghlad and flossie
Middle eight and solo added...
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Heard it now,,tbh not your best work,,it`s got your signature,,but found it to be a re-hash in a way...you choose simple lyrics and themes..ok but this is cliche laden ,and for me doesn`t appeal........but it saying that your target audience might love it,,,so what do i know,,,,,,,the elecy guitar picks it up a bit.....so all in all it`s light ,bright and catchy...could be something off Freinds ?
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Yes m8 and instrumental have it sorted now ;D
At 2:57 you have a 't' vocal sound/hi hat - I know this isn't finished but just in case you don't spot it.
Good luck with it
x
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Lovely chorus, its got a real yearning lilt to it. I agree with flossie however that the chorus is a bit repetitive, I'd like it to become a bit more yearning, you know, 'please stay with us a while' type sentiment? Really liked the acoustic intro too, sounded a bit 'west coast' maybe?
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very nice :)
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Final edit before recording-proper starts:
I've cut the initial chorus by half and done some edits.
I think the chorus can take a repeat second time around with some bv variations added.
I'm going with this arrangement now I think.
Now to start from scratch with all tracks and get the masters recorded...
It's long-winded but it works for me.