The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: GTB on May 16, 2013, 09:03:24 AM
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Felt a bit mean writing this, might make some enemies - still, better out than in eh?
No tolerable recording available yet - but nearly there
Comments / critique welcome :-)
Compassion Fatigue
C Fmaj13/C C Fmaj13/C
Images of anguish and abuse
Another hard luck story in the news
Someone else is suffering, another cry for help
Can I spare some change, can I contribute
Em9no5/D G6 C G
You ask me if I have a heart of stone
Am Em G Fmaj13 Em Dm G7 G7
I wonder if I have a heart at all
Another country fighting for their freedom
Trying to overthrow their rule
War children, staring from the screen
Rebels wanting weapons, can I send them please
But when they have brought their leaders down
Am Em G Fmaj13 Em Dm G7 G
Do I think they’ll turn their anger on my town
chorus:
F Em Dm C G Am
There’s always a disaster somewhere in the world
We keep on raising money, does ever do some good
Dm G7 C C
Another day, another place, another time
I’ve got a standing order for the national trust
Some children need my money for a brand new bus
They need to find a cure, will I make a pledge
Has someone launched a new campaign so they can raise the dead
You ask me if I have a heart of stone
I wonder if I have a heart at all
I heard there was an earthquake, the cities are ablaze
They’re putting on a show so millions can be raised
Some TV stars have made a film so all the world can see
How they help the victims and share their misery
Will you sing a song and make your record for free
Can you really make us laugh and make a plea
chorus
F Em Dm C G Am
So why do you try to put me up against a wall
When my compassion is fatigued, I’m so tired of being appalled
Dm G C Em7/B Am
This sad old earth has troubles, I got troubles of my own
Dm G C G7 C
So why don’t leave me alone
Chords: Fmaj13/C x 3 3 2 0 0 G6 3 5 5 4 0 0 Em9no5/D x 5 4 0 3 0
Fmaj13 1 3 3 2 0 0 Em7/B x 2 0 0 0 G7 3 2 0 0 3 2
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I don't think you should make enemies from this- personally I bet we all watch comic relief/children in need raise millions of pounds and wonder why the situations worldwide never seem to change, so although I have no idea what compassion or fatigue is, I think I can still relate to the song.
If I get my negative out the way then I can end on a positive so, the structure is slightly confusing because of the chords. Is there two different choruses or is the bit at the end a bridge/outro type thing?
But, that's my only negative! I really love those verses, I love songs that incorporate 'real things' (companies, products, brands, etc) like when you mention the National Trust and think there are so many amazing ideas in this piece (can I spare some change, turn their anger on my town, sad old earth has troubles, just to name a few).
Personally, and I don't think this is a negative- more of a tip- I think the chorus should rhyme or at least half rhyme, it's personal preference but I think it makes a song flow better and makes it more sing-along-able
But I think this is really great :)
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Thanks for the great feedback Jess. It is two different choruses yes, well spotted! I started with vvcvcvbc, which was far too long so I cut down to vvcvvc when I spotted the bridge fitted over the chorus pattern (plus 1 line). The chords may look different but actually sound pretty much the same. As for the non-thyming 1st chorus, hmmm, that's the only bit still niggled at me a bit...
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Hey, wow dude..I have the exact same opinion, I find it funny how people feed into donating things not because they want to but because they think it makes them a better person, the only way we can really help people is to teach them how to help themselves is what I believe...give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day sorta thing
but anyway, back to the song, well, I gotta give it to you, this happens very rarely, but I would really like to hear this, that's how much i like it, you have a perfect balance of rhymes and non rhymes, it doesn't seem like you were trying too hard, and then the way you depict the whole thing just feels like....I really understand and can almost see it in my head if you understand? if and when you make this into a song be sure to send me a message or something.
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I like this song a lot, its relatable in many aspects there are so many charity events and adverts anticipating the public to delve into there pockets and donate and i like how you say "do i have a heart at all" well written
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Hey that's a good piece of writing. Understand the sentiment entirely but had to laugh at the singer having a standing order with the National Trust! Like that's gonna feed the displaced millions!
A little long but nicely focused. Looking forward to hearing it.
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Really like this GTB.
It's brutal in places, but has a good message. Like TV stars finger-pointing too often at us, when the world should be pointing at those few despots who really cause all the wars and destruction.
It doesn't repeat itself and is a consistent, good quality of lyrics.
Looks to be a heavy-rock style; don't know how the mosh-pit will take the line about the National Trust! :D
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Thanks everybody, I'm really flattered and grateful for your comments and pleased that I appear to have got the message across I was aiming for - mainly thanks to some useful feedback on here for my earlier two songs (I listened ;D).
Sellon & ShinyThang - I'll be recording this song as soon as I recover from a sprained hand (garden duties for the missus). :'(
Dead Weight - 'brutal' is exactly how I felt writing it, you found the right word there! I've been playing it rather wistfully on my 12 string acoustic but now you've got me thinking about a 'heavy rock' version too - has to be done (I'm a headbanger at heart) ;D
GTB
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Look at micro finance if you want to help ..i support this charity,,
Lend some money for a business start up...it gets paid back ,then u can reinvest or not.
http://www.deki.org.uk/
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Good try SongsThatCry! - it's not that I'm totally uncharitable btw (not including National Trust). I am planning a 'charity song' to post soon so I guess I'm a complete hypocrite really :-)
Anyway, I'll be adding a link to a recorded version of this song tomorrow (Thu 30th May). Thanks to all who have added comments on the lyrics - much appreciated.
GTB
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Recorded at last (heavy rock version may follow, in time). I may have overdone the guitars a bit but hey, it's better than my singing ;-)
https://soundcloud.com/gtbr/compassion-fatigue-3
GTB
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Ha, i just read the lyrics, i think they are very ok...
it is a shame you already have music for them, i would like to steal those lyrics ::) ::) ::). I will listen to the music now
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that sort of happy music makes it even more cynical.....but nice melody
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Hi Dutchbeat,
feel free to use the lyrics on your own version if you like - any style - would be interesting :)
GTB
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Well written lyrics GTB. It flows nicely but I'd cut the lead parts a tad. They're good and well played but there's just too much sometimes and they draw attention away from the singing.
Only in a few places mind, but I found myself listening to your riffs instead of the words in a couple of places. That said, I am a guitar teacher so I may be wrong!
Well done mate,
Alan.
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This production has a Travelling Wilburys feel to it, very nicely done indeed. Agree with AS about the use of the guitar licks. Perhaps you could try something else during the verses like a muted guitar or something just adding a rhythym texture. I think that could help bring the focus back to the lyric and give the remaining guitar pieces far more impact when they are played.
But its a good song, and I rate it. Willo be interesting to hear how a rocked up number sounds but I must admit to likeing the sound as it is. A good production could have some commercial success.
Kudos on the write.
Allan.
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Thanks Alan & Seriousfun for the great feedback on this one.
- you're not wrong Alan, I got a bit carried away with the strat' (always do) so will be taking some of those licks out/down at some point. I'm still on a steep learning curve with recording so I know there's a lot of room for improvement in the production (e.g. I need to find out how to make reverb sound good), not to mention the singing.
I'm putting this song into the 'tweak it when I know a bit more' category, so thanks again everyone.
GTB
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Well, as this one got 'bumped' again I had a listen (only commented on the lyric before) ... Nice one. Sounds good to me. Could probably benefit from a good arrangement and a little 'tuning'.
Good song, I like :)
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Thanks ShinyThang - I didn't really want to bump it tbh, just wanted to make sure I thanked everyone for their feedback so I could let it slide down the list :-)
GTB