The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ABeautifulVirus on August 23, 2012, 12:45:33 PM
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this is at the opposite end of the spectrum in relation to the more involved production tracks i've posted here...
a raw live track with minimal accoutrements (details on SoundCloud) loosely inspired by the Odyssey IX and James Joyce as well as personal experiences.
my guitar in this is tuned to an open E♭sus2/add9 chord [E♭, B♭, E♭, F, B♭, E♭]. this is a fav of ours to play live. kind of a hippy Nirvana/Smashing Pumpkins. trippy and grungy.
http://soundcloud.com/abeautifulvirus/the-lotus-eaters
THE LOTUS EATERS (rough demo)
© 2012 MRI / Words & Music by Daren Thomas Turner
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you may find me smoking in a field
and the flowers on the pond
are floating over me
they tasted good, know what i mean?
you saw me visiting the sun
and the atmosphere was warm
and i'm telling everyone
the lemonade was made by me
you drank it too, how did it feel?
do you remember driving in my car?
and we didn't drive fast
but we drove it to far
where did we go, what did it mean?
i recall sitting on a fence
and the poppies grew high and so were my friends
they danced like visions in the sky
i can't complain i did not die
you saw me walking in the street
you could tell by hands that i needed new feet
what could i say, what could i do?
i found some needle and some thread
and i stitched me some yarn and i stitched it to my head
i didn't know i went too deep
i didn't know it played for keeps...
i bought some sugar at the store
to sweeten all the liquid that tasted all the more
like candy canes and créme de menthe
i though that reasons for the more
was after the though of reasons from before
you though it too, i've seen you since
you didn't laugh, you little bitch...
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Daren Thomas Turner: guitar, vocals
Rob Wilson: drums
Daniel Denial: bass
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Absolutely love the intro, the guitar and the drums. The vibe of the track is great.
The vocal pitching kinda does my head in a little, but i think that's what you were actually aiming for here so well done for that.
The words are really out there which is also a good thing.
I know it sounds nothing like it but for some strange reason it reminds me of "Touch Me I'm Sick" by Mudhoney.
The overall sound absolutely kicks butt mate.
Fekkin kewl ;-)
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yeah..shows a lot of promise....i hear NIRVANA in places..but thats not bad....
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yeah this is the monster to swallow my song up what i've recently posted haha!
yeah def nirvana and smashing pumkins in there, not big fans of those bands but i do like some of their stuff so can get into this, chugs along great like especially when it kicks in after about minute and fifty odd and then the guitars again after about two forty! not usually my scene but good listen altho i got lost off a bit at the end!
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Its really good in a weird twisty sort of way ,
guitar is excellent ;D
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I definitely hear Smashing Pumpkins, which is great! I love stuff by them every now and then.
The lyrics are really out there, but I dig it!
Favorite line: "you could tell by my hands that I needed new feet"
Pretty rockin stuff ABV.
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No idea where the Nirvana comparisons are coming from. This sounds nowt like Nirvana! Smashing pumpkins sure...
Careful with the samples. That telephone sound is LOUD! Lol.
This kind of art rock is not my thing so I am struggling to review it to be honest. You have put a lot of artistry and thought into this song which is of course hugely commendable, I am just not the right audience for it basically! I like the samples, the drums and guitars are very well played.
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No idea where the Nirvana comparisons are coming from. This sounds nowt like Nirvana! Smashing pumpkins sure...
Careful with the samples. That telephone sound is LOUD! Lol.
This kind of art rock is not my thing so I am struggling to review it to be honest. You have put a lot of artistry and thought into this song which is of course hugely commendable, I am just not the right audience for it basically! I like the samples, the drums and guitars are very well played.
thanks James. yeah the phone samples were of cruddy quality since Dan recorded them on a cheap handheld device, so i cleaned them up as best as i could and brought them up in mix so at least one could get a sense of the conversation(s)
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Its really good in a weird twisty sort of way ,
guitar is excellent ;D
thanks Andy- we're kind of weird and twisty as a band so it's a natural extension ;p
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yeah..shows a lot of promise....i hear NIRVANA in places..but thats not bad....
cool. thanks :) - yeah there is a Nirvana grunge rawness to this, espeically in the 2nd heavier part guitar, as we did it in one live studio take w/ limited mics on drums (just kick and snare & two overheads) so there is some bleed as well as overlap on the toms.
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yeah this is the monster to swallow my song up what i've recently posted haha!
yeah def nirvana and smashing pumkins in there, not big fans of those bands but i do like some of their stuff so can get into this, chugs along great like especially when it kicks in after about minute and fifty odd and then the guitars again after about two forty! not usually my scene but good listen altho i got lost off a bit at the end!
thanks MOSP- yeah i was doing this retro thing on guitar in those parts to give it some textured diversity and backdrop to the odd telephone conversations etc. :)
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I definitely hear Smashing Pumpkins, which is great! I love stuff by them every now and then.
The lyrics are really out there, but I dig it!
Favorite line: "you could tell by my hands that I needed new feet"
Pretty rockin stuff ABV.
;p kewl. yeah, very out there i have been told lol -
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Absolutely love the intro, the guitar and the drums. The vibe of the track is great.
The vocal pitching kinda does my head in a little, but i think that's what you were actually aiming for here so well done for that.
The words are really out there which is also a good thing.
I know it sounds nothing like it but for some strange reason it reminds me of "Touch Me I'm Sick" by Mudhoney.
The overall sound absolutely kicks butt mate.
Fekkin kewl ;-)
nice. much appreciated. yea it so happened that recording the vocal w/ both headphones in as we were all in same room playing together, caused me to sing flat/bitonal in the beginning, somewhere between Eflat and D ( and even more flat in some places ) but i was pleased that in this case it kinda worked as it befitted the almost 'entheogenic hippy meets Hunter S. Thompson' attitude of the track's 1st part/theme lol
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I really loved this. Original feel great vibe. Would love to hear the guitars right up - and the drums too - i could see the mosh pit really getting into this - hypnotic and ambitious - but a really great song. I rarely say this - but frankly you could play this for an hour and I think the whole thing could get right out of control. Look forward to hearing more from you. BTB
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I really, really, really , really like this ;D
I wouldn't produce it any other way , it needs that rough , lo fi groovy approach
The vocals are very hypnotic, the drums are excellent
The guitar is well cool and then it really kicks in
Don't know what else to say other than I love it!
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I really loved this. Original feel great vibe. Would love to hear the guitars right up - and the drums too - i could see the mosh pit really getting into this - hypnotic and ambitious - but a really great song. I rarely say this - but frankly you could play this for an hour and I think the whole thing could get right out of control. Look forward to hearing more from you. BTB
hey thanks BTB- indeed we would have a pit going in the 2nd part all the time. a lot of our songs are moshable, and other more shoe-gazy lol - this kinda combines both elements ;p
I really, really, really , really like this ;D
I wouldn't produce it any other way , it needs that rough , lo fi groovy approach
The vocals are very hypnotic, the drums are excellent
The guitar is well cool and then it really kicks in
Don't know what else to say other than I love it!
hey thanks Kafla- i have to agree w/ you as there is something raw and honest about this somewhat sloppy performance that i don't want to lose. it has a lot of our stage attitude and presentation, and Dan and Rob are better players when they don't have to sing/play simultaneously, so the delivery is better albeit missing the vocal harmonies, which i sing myself in the studio anyway but left them out here to keep the 'rawness'.
cool. :)
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I REALLY liked this
The "rawness" really does add to the track so I would be careful with any tidying up
I would still love to see some footage of guys actually performing live on stage - I think this would sound even better!
I did "get" the slightly off key vocals and I thought this actually worked really well for the ooening sections of the track
However, I think if you could add a little contrast with a "pitch perfect" section (eg a chorus) with a bit more energy in the vocal, perhaps with some harmony, it would improve the track and emphasize the hypnotic quality of the "off key" sections
Excellent job though - I wanna see you guys live!!!!
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you colonial chaps certainly know which end of a guitar to blow into..
love the weird key vocal and the feel of the track, neat picking riff
and then the changes, strobelights black and white stage
nasa guitar sound
sounds like neil armstrong talking from space, not sure what hes saying but creates its own dialog
excellent track
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Loved this. Real laid back vibe. Tiny bit off key in places which only makes it sound cooler.
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I REALLY liked this
The "rawness" really does add to the track so I would be careful with any tidying up
I would still love to see some footage of guys actually performing live on stage - I think this would sound even better!
I did "get" the slightly off key vocals and I thought this actually worked really well for the ooening sections of the track
However, I think if you could add a little contrast with a "pitch perfect" section (eg a chorus) with a bit more energy in the vocal, perhaps with some harmony, it would improve the track and emphasize the hypnotic quality of the "off key" sections
Excellent job though - I wanna see you guys live!!!!
hey cool thanks! :) this was quite the exercise in bi-tonality indeed lol - but as i said in OP, it gave it the flavor needed. appreciate the comments. i'll post some videos later w/ some live footage too. we're rather crazy onstage ;p
you colonial chaps certainly know which end of a guitar to blow into..
love the weird key vocal and the feel of the track, neat picking riff
and then the changes, strobelights black and white stage
nasa guitar sound
sounds like neil armstrong talking from space, not sure what hes saying but creates its own dialog
excellent track
lol we're a weird lot across the pond here ;p - yea the recorded phone conversations Dan made were recorded on crappy handhelds so i tried to clean them up to best of my ability; i think they still get point across & act as a nice liaison between the heavier parts. thanks bro
Loved this. Real laid back vibe. Tiny bit off key in places which only makes it sound cooler.
cool T.O.M. - much gratitude for the listen :)
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hey i loved this the lyrics were great & i love everything smashing pumpkinsy
its funny i listened to 3 verses & thought shame this isnt going anywhere ...& then suddenly it did & it was brilliant...the phone snippets were a great idea but what kind of person records phone convesations? do you get people to phone you at your gigs so you can do this live? ;D
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hey i loved this the lyrics were great & i love everything smashing pumpkinsy
its funny i listened to 3 verses & thought shame this isnt going anywhere ...& then suddenly it did & it was brilliant...the phone snippets were a great idea but what kind of person records phone convesations? do you get people to phone you at your gigs so you can do this live? ;D
lol - Dan (our bass player) is quite the odd one; i think he has a whole library of surreptitiously recorded conversations ;p -
thanks!
-Daren
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Hi Virus, catchy tune again
great atmosphere, weird but extremely effective
i love it, and yes this will do it at a festival!!!!!!
spoken words, i don't know for sure, should kick in a little later, i think
and the phone....don't
for the rest: YES!!!!!!!!!! 8) 8) 8)