The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ABeautifulVirus on August 08, 2012, 03:37:14 PM
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http://soundcloud.com/abeautifulvirus/helicopter-head_remastered
Helicopter Head (demo)
© 2009-2012 MRI
Words & Music by Daren Thomas Turner
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Turn Around
Can you see
Three hundred sixty-
One degrees?
I walk through walls
I jump through fire
I speak in tongues
I dress up nice
I twist my mind and
Break my neck
To find my helicopter head
I walk on water
Melt the ice
I split the atoms
In my eye
I blow my mind and
Burn my bread
To find my helicopter head
Turn your head around
All the way
Like the kid in
That possession movie
Haven’t you heard only panoramic minds love helicopter heads?
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Rocking song! I hear that def hear some AIC in the vocals. The beginning part "turn around can you see three hundred sixty-one degrees" seemed really stretched out to me. I was waiting and waiting for each syllable to figure out what you were trying to say. I like the moving vocals "I walk through walls...." Maybe try some rhyming in there to keep us engaged. Keep up the good work.
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Holy crap, I wasn't expecting this!
I loved everything about it. It's original, weird, unpredictable and beautiful - it reminded me a little of early Pink Floyd. It's a wonderful sound you've created where it seems that anything is possible.
My only critism is that I'd like to have seen a second set of lyrics rather than repeating the existing ones but the quality of what you've written is brilliant.
One of my favourite tracks from the forum so far.
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hi abv,
really great track !
unique & immediate, great changes and vocal ideas..
its in control..
terrific
welcome to the forum
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This is ACE!! ,top vocals and i like the distant indie sound you've created ,welcome to the forum, top work!
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It was good i liked it,,but it`s not original...quite clearly a mix of psychedelia i`e early FLOYD and NIRVANA .
There two bands i like a lot so,,i like this.
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This was very well done. There's a unique depth to this track that's both hypnotic and energetic. Only thing is I feel like the vocals sound too much like Alice in Chains to me. If they were produced/performed slightly less spot-on to Layne Staley (RIP), I think this track would be at another level. Either way, great job!
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not really my thing but give it a listen and theres a few who dig this so good stuff!
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hey thanks folks for the critiques :) this seems like a cool forum and was recommended to us, so 'hello' from across the pond. i see how the AIC vibe in my vocals may be a tad too emulating of Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell, but when i layer harmonies in the studio it just sorta comes out that way. when we play out live we're much more stripped down vocally as we're a only a power trio and i the only lead vocalist. The guitar tones on this were engendered on a Roland JC120 Jazz chorus a la Andy Summers amp choice. i usually use a Mesa Boogie Dual Recto or Marshall JCM 2000 in studio but i didn't want such a heavy crunch on this track & needed a more indie/alt feel hence the Jazz Chorus. lyrically, this tune is kinda about 'enlightenment' eg being able to see in all directions at all times.
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I'm with man of simple pleasures. not really my kind of music, but I really enjoyed this! The repeating lines really worked for me, I caught myself singing along seconds after it came up (I think that's when you know you've got a real winner, when somebody else instantly clicks with your song). But I agree with montydog as well, some minor lyric changes would indeed improve it creativity wise - performance wise, it's fine as far as I'm concerned.
I've gotta agree with Apophenia too, the verses seem to drag out just a bit too much. I'm not necessarily saying to try and fill the gaps, but I think it could be shortened or sung a bit faster - not too much faster tho.
Overall, good work ABV. I believe you've really got something here. Songs like this where it instantly hooks you is what I like to hear. Being able to relate with listeners is key, and even though your avatar scares the s**t outta me, I'm definitely gonna watch out for more posts from you. Awesome job, my man!
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You've got the Alice in Chains Vocal sound (love to know the technique), but AIC married that vocal to a dark feel. I'm not convinced it works juxtaposed with the Police style up tempo standard chord pop.
Well done on the production though. 1st Class.
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Overall, good work ABV. I believe you've really got something here. Songs like this where it instantly hooks you is what I like to hear. Being able to relate with listeners is key, and even though your avatar scares the s**t outta me, I'm definitely gonna watch out for more posts from you. Awesome job, my man!
lol thanks. & yea the avatar works better than the 3 of us posing like cliché idiots trying to look cool
You've got the Alice in Chains Vocal sound (love to know the technique), but AIC married that vocal to a dark feel. I'm not convinced it works juxtaposed with the Police style up tempo standard chord pop.
Well done on the production though. 1st Class.
I hear ya- there are other darker songs which may be more apropos. I don't really sound too much like Layne Staley unless I layer harmonies and double or triple them the way I'm doing here. As to your query, what I did in the verses to get that lush AIC vibe is first track the root melody on a Shure SM58, then double it standing about 3 feet away from mic, then triple that but on the 3rd time stand about 7 feet away from a hot AKG perception 420 mic in a large room to get a natural reverb and aural space. then I would do the same process on the 1st harmony (the 3rd), and finally replicate the process on the 2nd harmony (the 5th) but place the 5th UNDER the root so the triad/triple harmony forms a 2nd inversion chord musically speaking. so you are actually listening to 9 individual vocal tracks mixed down together in the verses.
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Yeah i liked this also. I love the change from half to double time a lot.
I also liked the lead guitar sound, very much like the editors.
I also liked the chord changes as they were quite unpredictable.
I also heard the early Floyd likeness (Interstellar Overdrive meets Flamenco), and as a massive Barrett fan i could only like it really. I also hear The Pretty Things a little in the vocal sound, which is a good thing.
As for repeating the verse, maybe throw in the odd line that is different rather than write a whole different one to keep the familiarity there but to change it a little.
Keep up the good work.
TCT
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It was good i liked it,,but it`s not original...quite clearly a mix of psychedelia i`e early FLOYD and NIRVANA .
There two bands i like a lot so,,i like this.
But originality can come from mixing diverse sources. So no bad thing :)
This is an odd one. The off kilter guitar notes at the beginning threw me, as no doubt they were meant to, so good work there. The close knit melodies are indeed very Kurt Cobain, but he would never have allowed such heavy vocal processing, which puts us squarely in the psych rock camp.
The hook is good but almost too claustrophobic for me. The whole song is very crowded and never soars. It is really well played and thought out however. Again, this "closeness" this may well have been the intention!
The production is very clean. Too clean for my liking in a rock setup, but the 80s influences here are shining through in writing and production. The vocal processing works for that genre but I find such layering to be exhausting, and modern rock demands a more human sound, so again this is dated for it.
A great and thoroughly interesting first track, and great work getting stuck into the forum, we love a bit of give and take here :)
JN
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great stuff , i enjoyed listening , a good old lead solo would of been nice about 2/3rds the way through
but thats just me , and i know nothing ,
good song chaps .
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As for repeating the verse, maybe throw in the odd line that is different rather than write a whole different one to keep the familiarity there but to change it a little.
I hear ya; actually the original version had two separate choruses, but I concatenated them into one to try to leave a more indelible impression on the psyche due to the somewhat obscure lyrics. This song is kinda about metaphysical enlightenment eg being able to see in all directions at all times etc...
The vocal processing works for that genre but I find such layering to be exhausting, and modern rock demands a more human sound, so again this is dated for it.
A great and thoroughly interesting first track, and great work getting stuck into the forum, we love a bit of give and take here :)
JN
cool. understanding your angle on this. However I wanted to point out that there is no vocal processing here; I mean no digital processing of tracks or harmonies. I explained in my reply to Mihkay in this thread the technique I used in recording them; well I guess one could then call it 'a process' lol, and a lengthy one at that {the verses are tracked one at a time, each tripled with me standing at 3 different distances from mic , repeated for the 1st, 3rd, and 5th harmony, so you are hearing 9 vocal tracks mixed as 1 for each verse}. The goal was to produce a lush, larger than life vocal presence, to contrast with the more compacted chorus vocals.
great stuff , i enjoyed listening , a good old lead solo would of been nice about 2/3rds the way through
but thats just me , and i know nothing ,
good song chaps .
lol i used to be called 'solo-obsessed' so over time I tried to learn a more minimalist approach in terms of guitar soloing, opting to use guitar more as shades and texture. Also, this is one of the few songs I am not using a Marshall or Mesa Boogie Dual Recto head, opting for a Roland JC120 Jazz Chorus (a la Andy Summers), which has a usually useless and insipid overdrive channel, but I thought it apropos for this alt/rock feel application. Then I am also using the Roland clean channel, with no chorusing, for the U2-ish delay guitar and vamps you hear on the right (which in headphones you can hear slightly pan-delayed Right-to-Left)
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This is really great stuff and I enjoyed it very much
I am not overly familiar with AIC so I didn't really get the references so I am just judging on what I heard, which was a great track with a superb vocal
The guitar sound is also spot on - rough but not too "rip yer face off"
However, I found everything a little "soft" and lacking a bit of energy
It is my guess that you "let rip" with this song when you play it live but have tried to do it "properly" in the studio??
I can really see this going down well live and I bet a live recording would have bags of energy!!!!!
Overall the track was great and has definitely whetted my appetite to hear more...
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I liked it overall a lot, however MIX wise the high end guitar to me gives it a very brittle and constant linear feel ( like U2 which I hate where the "EDGE", the "Side", "Angle" or whatever he happens to be calling himself these days always has an overiding constant ongoing timbre over the track)--- and the vocals I would have liked more to the front of the mix. The vocals are GOOD, and would like to hear more of them, and maybe even copy and paste one, and pan it a bit. I have Not listened in headphones yet to the track so maybe that is why I am getting a very Linear, Middle stage Image.
Having said that it's some great lyrics, has balls, moves along like an 80's Vibe...a Nice bit of songwriting, congratulations!
I would love to hear it with a more natural vocal more up front, more natural drums and bass, and less of the reeling over the top guitar.
Be fun to hear some more mixes. This song is the kind of song you can make go in so many different directions on what you leave out in the first verse, what fader you bring up in the second verse, etc etc...you have a lot of fun tracks to experiment with...have fun.
Cheers!
From the Hudson Valley of New York State USA.
Cheers! 8)
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This is really great stuff and I enjoyed it very much
I am not overly familiar with AIC so I didn't really get the references so I am just judging on what I heard, which was a great track with a superb vocal
The guitar sound is also spot on - rough but not too "rip yer face off"
However, I found everything a little "soft" and lacking a bit of energy
It is my guess that you "let rip" with this song when you play it live but have tried to do it "properly" in the studio??
I can really see this going down well live and I bet a live recording would have bags of energy!!!!!
Overall the track was great and has definitely whetted my appetite to hear more...
thanks Boydie. i also hear ya on how the sound was somewhat 'mitigated' in the studio, maybe too much polish etc... also since i'm using a Roland Jazz Chorus here as opposed to one of my crunchier heads, the distortion is anything but ferocious. when we play this live it has an entirely different feel, more high energy and since i'm the only lead singer i have to compensate for the harmonies. Dan (bass) sings, but his voice does not really emulate mine, and the verses are actually a triple harmony so we simply have to adjust for live setting etc...
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I liked it overall a lot, however MIX wise the high end guitar to me gives it a very brittle and constant linear feel ( like U2 which I hate where the "EDGE", the "Side", "Angle" or whatever he happens to be calling himself these days always has an overiding constant ongoing timbre over the track)--- and the vocals I would have liked more to the front of the mix. The vocals are GOOD, and would like to hear more of them, and maybe even copy and paste one, and pan it a bit. I have Not listened in headphones yet to the track so maybe that is why I am getting a very Linear, Middle stage Image.
Having said that it's some great lyrics, has balls, moves along like an 80's Vibe...a Nice bit of songwriting, congratulations!
I would love to hear it with a more natural vocal more up front, more natural drums and bass, and less of the reeling over the top guitar.
Be fun to hear some more mixes. This song is the kind of song you can make go in so many different directions on what you leave out in the first verse, what fader you bring up in the second verse, etc etc...you have a lot of fun tracks to experiment with...have fun.
Cheers!
From the Hudson Valley of New York State USA.
Cheers! 8)
i can very much understand the linear 'U2' guitar not pleasing anyone. U2 is one of those bands that people either love or despise; i happen to be of the former, but i can see how it may 'ouch' some listeners. & yeah there were several iterations of this in the studio; this one was recently remixed and remastered so it sounds consistent across an array of systems and listening environments. there were a lot of tracks to control; the verses are 9 tracks of my vocals; a lot going on etc... thanks dude :)
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sorry, it took me ages to get to listen to this...
it is smashing
very catchy and contagious, beautifulvirus ;D
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neat! thanks Dutch.