The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked deeds on August 10, 2022, 05:27:46 PM
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https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/i-no-longer-belong
From a collection of songs that address the feelings associated with grief: "The Sadness Of Belonging", "Scarlet Please" and "I no longer belong."
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/i-no-longer-belong
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I listened to this after reading the lyrics especially
`I have loved and given everything to love.
Damn the sky above that makes me see the day.
Drive me to the church yard where the voices raise then hush.
Let a thousand years go by me in a rush`
with the `loved`,`love`,`above` rhyme scheme and feeling the power of the church imagery,but wondering in this secular age how it would work in a song--can`t recall the last time I heard a church mentioned in a recent song. The track itself,stripped back voice and guitar was a folksy bluesy mesmerising track for a songs that could have been called `Reason To Carry On`. It`s pretty clear-cut imagery until the lines I quote,but very effective. I`ve reviewed the other two songs in this collection,so must be a sucker for this theme (just out of hospital for a big operation,could have died,now very well aware of mortality,one remaining ageing parent,an unexpected death of a close college pal from years back...)yes,ageing and grief are intertwined,and this song says that eloquently.
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You still have it Paul….creating landscapes and worlds through your music.
Deeply immersive….
I hope you never find what you are searching for because then the spell and the magic will be broken 🥰
Andy
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Love the ethereal sounding guitar and super lyrics..really nice work! 8)
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Thanks guys.
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You are super prolific at the moment Paul!
The recent tracks all feel like that are coming from a similar place, as you allude to.
Dig the delicate reverb-heavy acoustic picking here. Structurally my ears were looking for a bit more variation by the 1 min 30 mark... I think I'd be inclined to go from the first verse straight into the "I have travelled" section. I do like this one, and understand the simple production choice, but compared to the others in your 'grief suite' this one for me is slightly too repetitive... it would be an easy fix if you introduced some more elements as the song progresses, or got to that chorus earlier and repeated it, although I realise that might be going against a conscious decision to keep it stripped back. Lyrically it is powerful - bleak and uncompromising, staring loss in the face, no light to offset the shadows, and that packs a punch.
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Hola @Wicked deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22916)
I really like the sound and reverb you use for vocals. Very nice song, deep and sung in a delicate way, which is good for what you say.
I liked it a lot.
Stay well
Mora
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Yo Paul.
You create an atmosphere of desolation and regret.
The repeating guitar passage is the equivalent of rocking back and forth for self comfort.
The emotional wasteland is tangible.
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The quality of music I'm hearing on the forum today is top class, and this is no exception Paul. I love the guitar playing and the vocal sits just right. We're supposed to offer crits and suggestions I know, but it's hard to do when something is as well performed as this. A great track :)
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Hi Paul - the lyrics are the star here, really transmitting your emotion. There's not a glimmer of hope, very bleak and powerful.
The guitar sound reminds me of Ben Watt back in the day.
Normally I might be looking for some light and shade - but I don't think that what this song is about.
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@Adamfarr, your reviews are always so intelligent. It's like you are able to look into a persons soul with great insight. Thank you Adam.
Paul
Thank you @ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723).
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061), thank you for sharing my work. I am simply an observer, who's job it is to communicate feelings. I am always humbled. and grateful when my work is received with such a careful and thoughtful response.
Paul
Many thanks @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Thank you @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
@devilhoned (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21273), be strong my friend. I wish you good health and much happiness. Yours is such an attentive review and I thank you sincerely.
Paul
@Kafla, a big thank you Andy. Sending much love to you my dear friend.
Paul
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Hi
Love the wide feel of the Guitar
Vocals are very clear & well recorded
Job Well Done !!!!!
subvibe