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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Sterix on July 03, 2022, 07:33:41 PM
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Music written and performed by Jacin, Aleix, Ferran, David and Edu (The Grassland Sinners). Lyrics by Martin James Kerfoot (aka Sterix). Sax by Dani Nel·lo.
This is the fourth single from the upcoming album I've collaborated on with the Sinners, and the third one using my lyrics (the other one was written by Aleix, I think, with my only involvement touching up his lyrics to make them more grammatically correct really).
If you'll pardon my French, this one was a bit of a bugger to write! I had to make more changes than a catwalk model during London Fashion Week!
From a complete re-write of the first draft (original first line was "Oh you can take your world, shove it where the sun don't shine" and it had a more you/me approach that highlighted the difference between two characters) to the seemingly-constant changes to the structure and way it was sung (which meant a lot of chopping and changing, and I think it shows), it was one of the hardest songs on the album to write and not one of my best ones lyrically.
You can probably see some of the "rhymes" that seem just a little off in timing. Believe me, at certain stages they made more sense; but I had to trade off keeping them for not having to totally re-write whole portions every time a small change occurred. And I'd never know the final vocal arrangement before release anyway, so I never knew if they'd come back into line in the finished article by then.
Personally, I'd have left this one as an album song instead of a single. There are far better ones (to my taste, at least) that haven't seen the light of day yet.
https://grasslandsinners.bandcamp.com/track/being-me-feat-dani-nel-lo-single
Oh, who says nothing in this world is ever free?
There's so much out there that is well within your reach
I don't wanna listen to their whining and their rules
Let them fade away upon their ship of fools
Ooh! Let me lay it down real straight
I just have to be the master of my fate
Life is what you make it out to be
Oh I'm alive and doing fine just living wild and free
Time is of no use stuck in the past
This world is a blur it flies by you so fast
Taking chances on the rolling of the dice
Let fate decide
Calling sixes, must resist those cold snake eyes
There's the jackpot sitting at the rainbow's end
I intend to grab it, I must have it all my friend
Ooh! Let me lay it down real straight
I just have to be the master of my fate
Life is what you make it out to be
Oh I'm alive and doing fine just living wild and free
Time is of no use stuck in the past
This world is a blur it flies by you so fast
INSTRUMENTAL
Life is what you make it out to be
Oh I'm alive and doing fine just living wild and free
Time is of no use stuck in the past
This world is a blur it flies by you so fast
So my friend, just take a breath
Cos you were meant to be yourself
Life's too short to be a stranger
Hey there
Look in the mirror
Who's staring back there?
Nothing to fear
It's crystal clear
It's all I need
Just being me
OUTRO
[edit] They've released a video to go with this/ You can see what I've got to work with! :D
[edit2] lol. They re-uploaded it with a different link...
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Holy s*** !! There's absolutely nothing not to like about this. What a great track. Where do I start?! The vocals, the guitars, the bass(double wow!), the keys, the sax.. I dunno. This is my kind of music..best thing I've heard in ages. I love it...can you tell!! :)
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Oh yeah, super rocker, particularly liked the bit when the singer puked, round about 1.25 or so...very pro sound!!
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Hola @Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024)
I liked it a lot!!! Very good good good song and good lyrics, everything works well here, congratulations!!! It could sound on many specialized radios.
Stay well
Mora
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Awesome song Martin, really impressive. I love the variation in melody and instrumentation through it, really keeps the listener hooked.
I find it harder to critique lyrics as I don't write them but when i look at some of Neil's I usually look for lines I can develop something from and then build the others around that. So looking at these it would be interesting to see where you started, was the pre chorus and the chorus always there? They are great lines and sometimes I find when I am writing that the chorus is fine really benefits from a pre so i either use other lines from the song or write my own (the closest I get to lyric writing🤣). These work really well.
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Yeah, I'm becoming quite a fan of the Grassland Sinners... Again this one has a funky Black Crowesy rock vibe... very nice indeed. I like your lyrics a lot in this one Martin too, they fit the song very well. Sounds like it was a tough one to write for, but worth it.
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So I've updated the first post, adding the new YouTube video for this song.
Nb. Just in case you're curious, the saxaphonist was a guest musician on the recording so that's why you just see the sax. I thought that was hilarious.
Thanks to all the great comments!
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Hey @Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024) !! I LOVE these guys! What a pairing! They are doing wonders with your lyrics and well you’re serving them brilliantly - a match made in heaven… how fantastic for all of you!
This is fantastic!!! How exciting!!!!!
Great lyrics!!
K
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I just realised they removed and re-uploaded the YouTube video! Edited with new link.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thanks. I've definitely enjoyed working with them, though it's been a really long and difficult process. The final lyrics aren't always my preferred ones but I'm not the one singing them so we have to compromise occasionally.
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Funnilly enough, "Black Crows" was one of the bands that inspired them and the one they used as an example when first describing their music to me.
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) My memory of exactly how I started this song is a little fuzzy. Usually I try to write from the start and move chronologically from there but occasionally I'd skip parts and move, maybe, to the chorus and then fill in the gaps. With re-writes it depends on what I'm keeping and what I'm throwing out.
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Thank you. Some of the songs have made it to some specialised radio stations - not sure about this one though. I tend to get my info on that from the guys when it's being played.
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) The singer actually spat rather than puked. There "was" some sort of artistic reason that was explained to me but I've forgotten what it was. :P
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) Thanks! I like it too.
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Brilliant work Sterix and crew.
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Great stuff - as usual your lyrical touches always have something that adds to what bands tend to do by themselves.
Their sound is cool - but I like the fact there's a bit more to bite down on when you're doing the writing.
Great team up!
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Original concept with a change in the key and the pattern of the melody in different parts of the song.
The song is not for the mass audience but for music gourmets.
The lyrics are interesting and they fit the performance.
Maya
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Fucking awesome!
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Hell yes, really groovy. yes, I'm old enough to be allowed to use that word with creditability.
Great delivery, some nice twist, lyrics works great, what's not to like?
Well done all of you!
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Thanks for all the great comments! You 're all so kind!
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bit late to the party but feeling this! there's a lot of rocking tunes on the site but this one sits at the top for me, really good stuff!
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I really like the lyrics, especially with how they’re delivered in the song. It’s a wonderful collaboration and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tad envious :P
I think I particularly like the editing (if that the right word) - every word and line serves the song, in my opinion of course
Good luck with the project
Darren
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Is that Russell Crowe on keyboards? Also love the gramophone behind the drummer!
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@sterix A finely balanced working band in which every element of the performance works together well. The vocalist performs the lyrics as he should, seamlessly. Everything fits as it should.
Wicked