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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: delb0y on May 17, 2022, 09:48:25 AM
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Not really looking for any critique or suggestions on this one as it's very old and not part of the current set, or potential set, but posted here as in its own way it's a little slice of my life.
My band of around 40 years ago used to play this. Written by a teenage me who's life sort of mirrored a character in the song, rather than the narrator...
Forty Years
Forty years of breaking my back for the man in the company car
He wears a pinstripe suit and a bowler hat, and he smokes a King Edward cigar
He pats my back, he won't shake my hand, because there's oil and dust and grime
He smiles a golden-filling smile, and says I'm doing fine,
Doing just fine.
I'm the man on the production line, I feel like I'm a man who's doing time
I got forty years for just being born, they may as well have let me die.
I scream at night, because I dream at night, that I'll die in the factory
And no-one will find these bones of mine as they crumble over my machine.
My machine
Forty years.
I got forty years.
Forty years.
Forty years.
Old man Pete retired last week after forty years with the firm.
All he got was a silver watch and a pension he may as well burn.
I watched him go and I saw myself in thirty-five years time.
They took his life, they stole his life, but they sure as hell won't get mine.
No, no, no.
Forty years...
Cheers
Derek
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Yo Derek.
A fine folky opus. I can readily identify with the theme,having served my time on the factory floor from when I was 16 until I escaped aged 37. Those 21 years passed in a blur of groundhog day. If I'd stayed in the job I could have punched in 50 years before retirement.
It scared the shit out of me.
I enjoyed the song Derek,it's a good point well made.
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I love the lyrics. I didn't do 40 years but I wasted too much time doing that kind of stuff. Nice vocals and a good guitar. A great song. I really like this. :)
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Effective way to get the message over, shades of "Ordinary Man". Interestingly "the Man" may not have had much of a life either. It's hard to escape altogether but the key is to keep those wider horizons. A sad song with a touch of defiance.
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Hola @delboy
Great song and memories!!! So many experiences!!! It has been a very pleasant listening!!!
Mora
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Hey @delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) - great storytelling as we'd expect from you.. right there on that factory floor - I liked in particular this line:
He pats my back, he won't shake my hand, because there's oil and dust and grime
Great image..
As always, perfectly performed.. just you and that guitar - quality stuff..
You wrote this at 18? Interesting insight - intriguing context you gave.
No nits... I'm trying but I can't find any :) !
K
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Lovely storytelling and great one + one performance @delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) Vocals up close and personal were very effective. Enjoyed the listen
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I thought your voice sounded awesome in this - world weary, a bit Roger Waters, especially in the opening lines. Punchy, powerful sounding acoustic strumming too. Great story and photos in the video (you supported Steve Marriott? Wow!) Strong message in the lyrics that will resonate with older people and scare the bejesus out of the youth... Great stuff.
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Good, high-quality recording of the song, beautiful guitar, excellent vocals.
The lyrics of this song reminded me of the movie "Cemetery Junction". I like it.
Maya