The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: jonlint on January 25, 2022, 02:21:44 AM
-
Hi all,
Here is a new song "Past Comes Alive" written and recorded this weekend. Feedback most welcome:
LYRICS:
Hmmm
Tear drops in the wine
Aged, maturity
Searchin’, I still can’t find
All life’s impurities
Took another sip of wine
Then it came to me
Just leave everythin’ behind, with
Life security
Cause when the past comes alive
Hauntin’ you, draggin’ you
Down the depths of your mind
Break away, don’t let
The past come alive
Hmmm
The past come alive
Hmmm
Walkin’ life’s fine line
Learning, ‘n’ leavin’ behind
Each tear drop in my wine
A blessed impurity
Up ahead now I see
Scars on my life now healed
A glace behind me
Then ahead to keep it sealed
Cause when the past comes alive
Hauntin’ you, draggin’ you
Down the depths of your mind
Break way, break way
Cause when the past comes alive
Hauntin’ you, draggin’ you
Down the depths of your mind
Break way, don’t let
The past come alive…
Don’t let the past come alive…
-
Hi, at first I thought is was Neal Diamond I was listening to when you did those low notes at the beginning. I did joy your vocal and the production Songs like these are good for crowds so go all the way to the top with this song my friend. Thanks for sharing.
Irwin
-
Hola @jonlint (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19407)
I have seen your post by chance, it seems that this is animated even if the movement drags us.... hahaha
I like your song, it's good, the story too, there are great lines, this one for example
Cause when the past comes alive
gives rise to many possibilities by itself.
The only thing that I would comment to you is that perhaps the instrumentation could use some change of timbral, that some parts had fewer high-pitched instruments, you know that the guitars make a track very uniform, that's what I mean, although of course they are the main base here ..
As for the voice, it's great. What if you added another voice over the leader in some verse?
Well, that made me very happy.
-
I liked the atmosphere in this, right from the off... those big reverby chords and drums... it quickly sounds ‘epic’ and quite Goth. Reference points for me: Screaming Trees, Sisters of Mercy, Echo and the Bunnymen. Vocals were mostly brilliant! Maybe just a couple of moments where a couple more takes would have you nailing the highest notes even more. Very cool mood overall and I liked the confident mid tempo too... it rolls at its own measured pace.