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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on December 07, 2021, 12:12:19 PM
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Hello
I was talking to John @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) about how if I'm not on the forum...I don't listen to songs as much, I don't write as much and I don't think about the whole community thing as much. So here I am :)
I think it was an old Russian revolutionary threat "You have the watches...but we have the time" which I thought was a cool cautionary tale about how systemic injustice was ultimately a knocking bet to result in a sticky end for those grabbing the 99% and letting the plebs scrap it out over whatever was left.
I wrote most of this as an instrumental in February...and it's taken me this long to be arsed to finish it. I spent three hours dredging up the lyrics yesterday...but was determined to get it done...so there's a bit of hyperbole in there...
Porridge
We’re free to roam our open prison
But can’t help thinking “something’s missing”
To those for whom the rules apply
The choice is ours...we don’t or die
Been sucking on it way too long
The tipping point has been and gone
Your diktats fall like acid rain
You pull too hard, you only break the chain
We do the porridge
While you do the crime
So you have the watches
But we have the time
Drunk on power in love with the pain
It tastes too good to lose it again
Here’s a thing you can all rely on
We’ll make this the hill we die on
With autocratic over-reach
You piss all over what you preach
We spend our evenings chasing ghosts
And gazing up at empty lamp-posts
Torches, pitchforks fill the streets
Deafened by a million heartbeats
We smell their fear…ignore their cries
Their Empires crumble right before their eyes
We do the porridge
While you do the crime
So you have the watches
But we have the time…
To be honest, I thought I was just about out of genuine lyrics...as I sometimes feel like I've said what I wanted to say in my songs several times over...and I'm a bit of a scratched record...and I don't really like saying things I don't believe in...but sometimes I find it necessary to exaggerate for dramatic effect. My lyrics aren't necessarily autobiographical and I'm not about to grab a beret and an Afghan coat and form the Chickentown Popular Front ::)
My wife suggested trying to write some lighter stuff...but as you can see...I am thus far resisting. I think it's a good idea, though.
Anyway...I hope you enjoy it...and any recording/mixing tips/advice are most welcome...cheers!
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great!
A return to form! or at least it's good to hear you back in the saddle!
amazing song
every verse is standing out
great production, very tidy.
Well done Paul!
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I don't actually have any feedback except that I do like the sound of this and wanted to leave a remark, at least. Nice to see you back in the forum, Paul!!
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This is fabulous @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) and great to see you back on the forum, although as others have noted, it does seem to be eerily quiet !
"You have the watches...but we have the time" is such a great line as is the "We do the porridge while you do the crime", a perfect hook.
I really like the dual guitar riffing and your vocals are sounding in tip-top form
It's great to see you writing again Paul as you always have such well constructed songs with something to say :)
Cheers
John
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Hola @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
It has been a long time since I listened to you and I really liked doing it now.
It is an important song as important is the lyrics. Everything sounds good here, everything, a perfect framework for what you say. congratulations!!!
After listening to you I feel like a warrior!!!
Mora
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There you are @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - great to see you around these parts again! And great to hear a new one from you.. Had a few listens to this last night and it's quality stuff - fab biting lyrics, delivered with passion.. some great lines as I have come to expect.. great imagery...
The production is top-notch too... Quality stuff Paul...
Welcome back.. look forward to hearing more from you.. *rubs hands with glee
K
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This is very polished @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253), A very direct guitar riff to support a fine song. lovely recorded rhythm guitar and super rhyming couplets. I'm enjoying the dynamics as the tracks ebbs and flows, instruments at time stripped back and then full on. This is exactly what I have come to accept from a writer of your calibre. You are also one of the reasons that I choose to revisit the forum so pease don't ever stay away too long my friend!
Say hello to the Northeast for me. I sorely miss the area and it's people.
Paul :)
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Well, as you might have guessed, I like guitar driven songs and this no exception. The intro has a familiar feel to it..not that it sounds like anything else in particular..but it's memorable and that's a good thing. I like the lyrics, especially the chorus. Great vocals..what can I say? No crits from me. I really enjoyed this :)
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Yay! PaulAds is back. And with a belter. This is muscular, chunky, nu-wavey... exactly up my alley. I like the descending chords under the verses (somehow they sound 'Russian' or Slavic to me, like the watch story itself... could imagine Kossaks shouting over them). And the solos are perfectly judged. Lyrics super cool ... I do dig angry political songs, but (like this one) I always think they are best when they aren't toooo explicit over exactly what they are about (so they don't age too much when the world moves on)... you are a master at that - exactly the right degree of crypticness.
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Hi Paul,
Really glad to see you on the forum again and hear anther song from you :)
The lyrics in this song are amazing, so you definitely have not resourced all that's in you :)
I know what you mean though. I feel the same way sometimes about having said what I have to say many times over, but
it's amazing how a new perspective can come about. :o
I love everything about this song and the production is so powerful and gets the message out perfectly 8)
Please keep them coming :)
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Sorry it took so long to get back…just a big “thank you” for the kind words.
I hoped it might have kick-started me back into action…but I’m not quite there yet. But the encouragement here is more than I could have asked for. I’ve a couple more songs to get finished off, then I’ll have enough for another album of twaddle. I just need to think of a suitably self-deprecating title for it.
Thanks…and I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!
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Hi mate,
“Deafened by a million heartbeats” is one of many great lines you’ve got going on here.😄🎶👍🏻🎶
Your vocal performance is spot on dude…full of “grrrrrrrr!!” (no not Tony the Tiger!!😆)
I think that guitar riff is awesome too man. Great job!😄🎶👊🏻🎶