The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: 5 guys named Lars on October 21, 2021, 10:41:31 AM
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Speaking to Mr. @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) last week he reminded me of a song I wrote last year & he kindly produced . I binned it in the end as I thought I would rewrite it better but a year on & I haven`t touched it so put it on Soundcloud as it is. Got no idea who plays what as I`ve deleted my files but can safely assume I´m on vocals :-\ & if it sounds good its Cowparsleyman, if its dodgy its certainly me. ;D .Anyway if nothing else I`ve created a whole new genre..whinge.
Thanks for listening & all the best,
Loving the Loveless
Back to a land I refused to believe in..another time.
Great sandstone churches & fields where I loved you & you were mine.
Now I pledge allegiance to those who can see sense.
The Loveless hold their hand in mine, sit me down & fill me up with wine.
When I`m drunk they have the greatest lines and who knows just maybe they`ll be the ones who save me?
I`ve burnt all your photos except for the one on your hands & knees.
A portrait of Kylie`s now taken your place on the mantelpiece.
Cause loves just a nightmare !! I`m not going back there !
The Loveless helping me abstain,stop me falling off the edge again.
No more feelings that I can`t explain.
Maybe the loveless are the wisest ones amongst us?
I`m joining the loveless, joining the loveless
They`ll never let me down.
Back in a land I refuse to believe in she smells of Lambrusco & piss.
Her bedroom is neither depressing or dark but her future is.
If thats what love makes us..I`m joining the fakers !
I`m loving the loveless, loving the loveless.
They never let me down.
And the loveless will never say goodbye.
Written by Chris Underwood 2020.
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Hola @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
Happy to see you!!
It is a special song, the lyric is raw, realistic but the music that surrounds it softens it. A very pleasant listening, I cannot criticize anything in it, I like how it is.
Stay well
Mora
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@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - love this song, the melodies and the sharpest of lyrics matched only by your wit, another classic from a songwriter that is wayyyy better than he gives himself credit for.
Vocals were by Lars No 2….
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Wonderful, wonderful stuff @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) Some outstanding observational lyrics which are delivered in your own unique style. I love the laid back feel of the music and some nice production stuff from @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
Always love listening to your stuff Chris
Excellent
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You're creating quite a body of work here.
This is very "Lars" all over - bouncy melody, sixties vibe and cutting original lyrics.
Quality song and a great mix that keeps it human and relatable.
Hexcellent!
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This is outstanding @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - the lyrics are bloody awesome!! So many great lines - ‘Lambrusco and piss’ deserves special mention but I could choose a bunch of phrases.
Love the vibe of it.. can imagine myself at a gig listening to this while singing along.
You’re a funny guy but joking apart, I’m hoping you know that this is great!!
K
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This is a great song. A really crisp mix and some great singing and playing. It sort of reminds me of the likes of The Beautiful South, though with a bit more edge. Really enjoyed tihs one. :)
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lol nice song!
I really like the lyrics
i read them though 1st
and the easy listening really work for the toughness in the lyrics
no t by the production but it reminds me of an 80's classic
for it's harmonies (lovely backing Vs and dynamics) and coldness in the theme
Good song!
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I enjoyed this music and your laidback style 😊, well done !
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Yeah those lyrics are ace mate and you deliver them well. I especially like the way you sing the bridge…it gave me a “Weezer” vibe. “Loving the loveless” sings like a dream and is a great idea for a song.
The hook is sooo good, but I’m just curious why u didn’t use it after the first verse? Seemed like a bit of a missed opportunity to me…instead there’s an informative, but slightly weird verse/chorus hybrid thing going on instead? Still, in a 3.30 song the hook comes back soon enough so it’s not a huge deal, just an observation.😄👍🏻
Great job to both of you chaps….reminded me to dust off my own portrait of Kylie in the living room!🤪😆
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The vocalist has excellent a little bit hoarse voice, which goes good with beautiful back vocal parts.
The melody seems to be as in 60s, in total - very melodic, wonderful playing on the instruments and very pleasant vocals.
I like it :)
Maya
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I like it! Catchy melody & the lyrics are super. well done !!
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Thanks ever so much to @Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) , @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) , @ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) & @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) for the lovely comments & feedback. You guys are da best. :)
I`m more "whining shit" than "shining wit" to be honest @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) but thanks very much for putting the hard work in.
Cheers @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) but you`ve rammed a protruding nerve there you rascal. ;D The hook was actually the last bit written (as embellishment) which is why it shows up late & it turned out (with the title) to be the only bit of the writing I was actually satisfied with. If I got my finger out now I would write new verses & keep the hook. Thanks a lot anyway mate for the lovely comments.
Danke danke @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ..with my vocals its never easy listening to be fair.
Honestly, @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) I´m always a little hoarse but more often compared to an old donkey. Thanks for the nice words.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Cheers Mr.PJ ..glad you liked this.
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Gracias & thank you for taking the time to write.
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@5 guys named Lars,
Trademark @ 5 Guys named Lars, Beach boys backing vocals and piano coupled with Ray Davies vocal delivery. Wonderful story telling that wears sadness on its sleeve. What’s not to like? Simple, melodic and engaging!
Paul
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@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) love the lyrics and production of this! I also love The Cribs and this has such a feel of their stuff, a cynical bitterness running through against a catchy melody. Really great stuff!👌
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Ha! "Whinge" as a genre! :-)
This is excellent mate... it has all been said above already, but the lyrics are really exceptional - hilarious and tragically bleak at the same time, which is a killer combo if you can pull it off (which you have). And then to underlay that with a slab of happy-sounding 60s pop is a masterstroke.
Well done to CPM too for his parts in this quirky, cutting and fun piece.
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Really enjoyed this - for me it has a real ' The Feeling' vibe about it - super harmonies. They are also highly influenced by the art of creating musical hooks reminiscent of the 1960's. Your voice becomes more grainy as the song builds which is really nice - did you do that on purpose or was it a happy accident? Some nice - short pizzicato, dancing strings would have finished this off nicely...
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that was such an enjoyable listen, I had to go back for a 2nd :) I love the bouncy 60's vibe and the lyrics9which are superb) are a cool somewhat darker contrast which gives this song a huge thumbs up. I can't believe it was in the bin for over a year 8)