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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on October 06, 2021, 01:13:38 PM

Title: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 06, 2021, 01:13:38 PM

My latest production
Another one where I was quite doubtful it'd work out
I think it did in the end

Feedback would be thrilling


link:

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/i-look-see-horizon

Lyrics:



i look see horizon

in the year of death
did I not live alone?
there I found your sweetness
now I just want you to know
I look see horizon
as near as it can be
I just close my eyes and
it’s like you’re here with me
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if I get to hold you
it matters less who wins
_____
I look see horizon
_____
well, that would be my luck
to give a fuck then t' fall
for one who leaves me wanting
when I would have it all
‘goes around, comes around
y’know that’s what they say
furthermore if not now
I'll get mine someday
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if i get to hold you
it matters not who wins
_____
I look see horizon
I look see horizon
_____
will I get to know you?
when this war is over
______________

Rightly
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: ChrisPrice on October 06, 2021, 06:10:48 PM
More than a hint of psychedelia. For The Benefit of Mr Kite sprung to mind at the start. There's some incredible stuff happening here. I like the way the piano kind of plays a melody and yet wanders out of key here and there - not in a bad way - it adds to whole vibe. The vocal is you doing what you do..I don't understand the lyrics but I don't think that matters. I look forward to your songs because they're unique and that's not so easy these days. Well done mate, I really enjoyed this. :)
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: moraamarolaloba on October 06, 2021, 09:04:50 PM
Hola @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Buenas noches!

The backing has puzzled me, especially at the beginning, your musical vibe is so particular that I have to adapt to its language ... And then everything goes well. As always the lyrics are stupendous. Strange horizon.

Stay well

Mora
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: IronKnee on October 09, 2021, 03:17:02 PM
Love the chaos behind the lyrics. Immediately grabs the attention. This is sorta a psychedelic dream.

Good stuff!
                       -T
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: MonnoDB on October 09, 2021, 11:23:47 PM
It's like a circus act.. not sure why I'm saying that but it has that mood.. I love the harp glissandos (is that what I'm hearing???).

Lyrics as always completely intriguing.. wonderful in fact..

What a ride... many listens in I know I have many more to come..

You're amazing @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

K

Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: cowparsleyman on October 10, 2021, 12:43:49 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - what a piece…I wonder how you’d gig with this, great lyrics. Loved the way the beginning challenges everything, like impressionism or dada in musical form.

Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: bigFishAndTheSmallPondets on October 11, 2021, 08:15:07 AM
Quote from: rightly on October 06, 2021, 01:13:38 PM

My latest production
Another one where I was quite doubtful it'd work out
I think it did in the end

Feedback would be thrilling


link:

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/i-look-see-horizon

Lyrics:



i look see horizon

in the year of death
did I not live alone?
there I found your sweetness
now I just want you to know
I look see horizon
as near as it can be
I just close my eyes and
it’s like you’re here with me
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if I get to hold you
it matters less who wins
_____
I look see horizon
_____
well, that would be my luck
to give a fuck then t' fall
for one who leaves me wanting
when I would have it all
‘goes around, comes around
y’know that’s what they say
furthermore if not now
I'll get mine someday
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if i get to hold you
it matters not who wins
_____
I look see horizon
I look see horizon
_____
will I get to know you?
when this war is over
______________

Rightly


@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) your music is so fresh and original. It's so uniquely you and I can't commend you highly enough for finding your voice with such flair.

The music reminds me slightly of the circus. Do hope this observation is not too flippant! It sounds to me sparkling, colourful, wonderous. I feel the mood turn more serious and profound, however, as we go to the chorus. It's such a great piece of poetry in my opinion:

when this war is over
before the next begins
if i get to hold you
it matters not who wins

Beautiful. I do hope you got to hold the person in question.
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 12, 2021, 02:32:11 PM
Quote from: IronKnee on October 09, 2021, 03:17:02 PM
Love the chaos behind the lyrics. Immediately grabs the attention. This is sorta a psychedelic dream.

Good stuff!
                       -T

I really like this production, some don't. Thanks for the comments @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) and @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) . I hope you're not just humourng me. lol.
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 14, 2021, 06:16:26 PM
Quote from: MonnoDB on October 09, 2021, 11:23:47 PM
It's like a circus act.. not sure why I'm saying that but it has that mood.. I love the harp glissandos (is that what I'm hearing???).

Lyrics as always completely intriguing.. wonderful in fact..

What a ride... many listens in I know I have many more to come..

You're amazing @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

K



Yes
I like the theatrical
Very astute  yes glissandos

I hope I get to amaze you more often 

Thanks K

Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 14, 2021, 06:18:16 PM
Quote from: cowparsleyman on October 10, 2021, 12:43:49 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - what a piece…I wonder how you’d gig with this, great lyrics. Loved the way the beginning challenges everything, like impressionism or dada in musical form.



I'd do it with acoustic guitar
It'd sound very different

Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 14, 2021, 06:21:48 PM
Quote from: bigFishAndTheSmallPondets on October 11, 2021, 08:15:07 AM
Quote from: rightly on October 06, 2021, 01:13:38 PM

My latest production
Another one where I was quite doubtful it'd work out
I think it did in the end

Feedback would be thrilling


link:

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/i-look-see-horizon

Lyrics:



i look see horizon

in the year of death
did I not live alone?
there I found your sweetness
now I just want you to know
I look see horizon
as near as it can be
I just close my eyes and
it’s like you’re here with me
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if I get to hold you
it matters less who wins
_____
I look see horizon
_____
well, that would be my luck
to give a fuck then t' fall
for one who leaves me wanting
when I would have it all
‘goes around, comes around
y’know that’s what they say
furthermore if not now
I'll get mine someday
_____
I look see horizon
_____
when this war is over
before the next begins
if i get to hold you
it matters not who wins
_____
I look see horizon
I look see horizon
_____
will I get to know you?
when this war is over
______________

Rightly


@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) your music is so fresh and original. It's so uniquely you and I can't commend you highly enough for finding your voice with such flair.

The music reminds me slightly of the circus. Do hope this observation is not too flippant! It sounds to me sparkling, colourful, wonderous. I feel the mood turn more serious and profound, however, as we go to the chorus. It's such a great piece of poetry in my opinion:

when this war is over
before the next begins
if i get to hold you
it matters not who wins

Beautiful. I do hope you got to hold the person in question.

I like the theatrics of the circus

The romance died before physically realised. Probably better that way.

I'm glad you like the song 
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: pompeyjazz on October 17, 2021, 07:34:12 PM
Gee @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) This took me on a psychedelic trip. Great use of your toolbox of instruments. I love the dischordant piano and the gliss harp sound. The whole song whirled around my head in a very trippy way and this needs a few listens to appreciate everything that is going on. Another incredibly inventive track. I can't think of anybody else doing anything remotely like this. Bravo
Title: Re: I look see horizon
Post by: rightly on October 18, 2021, 04:05:41 PM
Quote from: pompeyjazz on October 17, 2021, 07:34:12 PM
Gee @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) This took me on a psychedelic trip. Great use of your toolbox of instruments. I love the dischordant piano and the gliss harp sound. The whole song whirled around my head in a very trippy way and this needs a few listens to appreciate everything that is going on. Another incredibly inventive track. I can't think of anybody else doing anything remotely like this. Bravo

@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)

Thanks Pompey!

I really have zero intention of being original, or that word often used describing my output... "unique", but I like what I'm doing
I'd fail in a dull way were I to try to imitate, probably.

It's a fairly hopeful song.

Glad you like it.