The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PeteS on August 06, 2021, 07:21:40 PM
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First from us for a while. The Beauty! We do have a few saved up but all in demo form, this is the first to emerge from that process post me finishing work, hopefully for the final time ;D
Musically the initial idea of the descending acoustic chord with the strings picking up the ascending notes really appealed, I also liked not having a long intro, well, any intro at all actually!
I hope you like it.
There’s just one thing to touch upon
Don’t know what you’ve got, and then it’s gone
The land of the blind, and no one’s king
No more calling, no more anything
It was such a long, long time ago
But it still feels like nine below
Better to have loved and lost but not
When what’s bigger is the cost
Chorus
Look at the beauty in the sky
Look at the seasons passing by
Look at the beauty when it’s gone
Look at the beauty in the sky
Look at the seasons passing by
Look at the beauty when it’s gone
C’est la vie what will be will be
No more dreams, they’re just fantasy
Demons and angels, black and white
Circle of doubt, dark and light
Nothing left, just chances rued
Nothing left, no deja vous
Chorus
Mid 8
No more senses, no more strong
Just the mem’ries to build upon
A different path, a different song
Don’t see beauty ‘til it’s gone
Chorus
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too dark to be radio friendly
better than radio
and really consistent throughout
it's often the case with beauty
but not always
still, it won't be owned, huh?
very good song!
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Hi Pete, very nicely sculpted track. Yes those descending chords work a treat, and the chorus delivers a solid punch. The lyrics are neatly balanced between happy/sad... "look at the beauty when it's gone" as the hook line has all of that. Production sounded really strong too. I have no suggestions for changes - it works well and is very much my cup of cha.
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Hey @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - good to see a new one from you and it’s a good one. That chorus has an anthemic feel to it - it’s very strong. Arrangement is great. The ascending / descending thing really works and that dark minor feel of the opening verse really pulled me in. Lyrics strong and the music match really well!
Very enjoyable listen.. went back for another in fact.
Great stuff, sir!
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too dark to be radio friendly
better than radio
and really consistent throughout
it's often the case with beauty
but not always
still, it won't be owned, huh?
very good song!
Thanks @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) much appreciated!
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Hi Pete, very nicely sculpted track. Yes those descending chords work a treat, and the chorus delivers a solid punch. The lyrics are neatly balanced between happy/sad... "look at the beauty when it's gone" as the hook line has all of that. Production sounded really strong too. I have no suggestions for changes - it works well and is very much my cup of cha.
Thanks Paul, glad you liked it.
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Hey @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - good to see a new one from you and it’s a good one. That chorus has an anthemic feel to it - it’s very strong. Arrangement is great. The ascending / descending thing really works and that dark minor feel of the opening verse really pulled me in. Lyrics strong and the music match really well!
Very enjoyable listen.. went back for another in fact. Your description is spot on, the minor verses and the large chorus, was the vibe I was after.
Great stuff, sir!
Thanks Karen, it has been a while eh.
You’ve described it perfectly. The minor intro with the big chorus. That was the aim. Glad you liked it!
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Hi @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588)
I peek into the forum from time to time and I don't know how I hadn't heard you before ... but I do now,
I love the lyrics and the instrumentation, good arrangement and good son!!! Very catchy!
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What a smashing chorus! Very catchy! Well done on that. I’ve lately become a BIG fan of scrapping intro’s (unless they’re bloody good) Among other things it’s a great time saver and gets the listener straight into the action. It works great here.😄👍🏻
Music and mix sounds great…although if I’m honest I wasn’t crazy about the snare choice…but hey, different strokes and all that.😄🤷🏼♂️
Also…for what it’s worth, I would have changed the vocal melody on the last word of the pre choruses…”cost” and…”deja vous” it’s not a biggie at all, I just felt it should have gone up or down to set the chorus up better…as it is it seems a little …flat there…(I don’t mean out of tune)
Anyway…that’s some real nit picking on my part. Feel free to ignore me.🤪😆 It’s a very catchy song, well done chaps.
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I love this song. It has a great hook, the vocal is strong and the arrangement is great. Nothing I can fault here at all. Thoroughly enjoyed it :)
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Hi @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588)
I peek into the forum from time to time and I don't know how I hadn't heard you before ... but I do now,
I love the lyrics and the instrumentation, good arrangement and good son!!! Very catchy!
Hi Mora, no worries, but we have indeed reviewed each others songs before. Didn't realise I'd been away that long ;D
Thanks for listening and liking it!
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What a smashing chorus! Very catchy! Well done on that. I’ve lately become a BIG fan of scrapping intro’s (unless they’re bloody good) Among other things it’s a great time saver and gets the listener straight into the action. It works great here.
Music and mix sounds great…although if I’m honest I wasn’t crazy about the snare choice…but hey, different strokes and all that.
Also…for what it’s worth, I would have changed the vocal melody on the last word of the pre choruses…”cost” and…”deja vous” it’s not a biggie at all, I just felt it should have gone up or down to set the chorus up better…as it is it seems a little …flat there…(I don’t mean out of tune)
Anyway…that’s some real nit picking on my part. Feel free to ignore me. It’s a very catchy song, well done chaps.
Hey @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) thanks for the comments. The snare is interesting as this is the only version of the song that has that snare. All previous versions had a different one but I changed it. Partly because I thought the previous one was a bit weak, especially for the chorus but also because if we were ever to play this stuff, we'd only have one kit so I went with the kit we have built as the standard. But I'll go back and have another listen to the other snare for the recording.
I know what you mean about the end of the verse and I tried a few different melodic parts before settling on this one. I'll have another run through it though. Cheers
I love this song. It has a great hook, the vocal is strong and the arrangement is great. Nothing I can fault here at all. Thoroughly enjoyed it :)
Thanks Chris, much appreciated.
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Love the chorus, Pete...........the whole song moves along beautifully. Love the performances..........great song!!
-T
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Love the chorus, Pete...........the whole song moves along beautifully. Love the performances..........great song!!
-T
Thanks @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409), much appreciated!
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Hi Pete,
Excellent blast of indie rock.
Arrangement works for me. Great lift during the chorus, falls away nicely for the mid 8 - can almost see the arms swaying before the leap into the chorus.
One slight on the drums - thought the kick was a little low in the mix compared to the rest of the kit.
Digger
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - A very fitting first song after Your first album, for me the Cellos at the intro are uneceesary, superb chunky chords on the eGuitar, very nicely mixed LVox and BVox. really liked the bass lines you chose, and the eq of the bass gtr., cuts through very very nicely I thought the drums grooves were a little uninspiring.
Would go down well live Pete, I'd jut give the drummer a slightly different brief, maybe some more interesting fills, (I know I criricised you for too flowery fills in the past, but on this I think it would work)
Anyway, it's still a very strong song.
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Thanks @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) . I'll take a look at the kick!
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - A very fitting first song after Your first album, for me the Cellos at the intro are uneceesary, superb chunky chords on the eGuitar, very nicely mixed LVox and BVox. really liked the bass lines you chose, and the eq of the bass gtr., cuts through very very nicely I thought the drums grooves were a little uninspiring.
Would go down well live Pete, I'd jut give the drummer a slightly different brief, maybe some more interesting fills, (I know I criricised you for too flowery fills in the past, but on this I think it would work)
Anyway, it's still a very strong song.
Thanks Rich. The cellos were a deliberate attempt to pick out the ascending B, C and D from the descending B, A and G chords. I'll mute it and take a listen but it's what I was looking for. Drums is a real balance isn't it between too much and too little and you're probably right but something we can look at closely for the album version. Appreciate your comments on the Vox as you know it's ma weakness for me.
Pete
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - A very fitting first song after Your first album, for me the Cellos at the intro are uneceesary, superb chunky chords on the eGuitar, very nicely mixed LVox and BVox. really liked the bass lines you chose, and the eq of the bass gtr., cuts through very very nicely I thought the drums grooves were a little uninspiring.
Would go down well live Pete, I'd jut give the drummer a slightly different brief, maybe some more interesting fills, (I know I criricised you for too flowery fills in the past, but on this I think it would work)
Anyway, it's still a very strong song.
Thanks Rich. The cellos were a deliberate attempt to pick out the ascending B, C and D from the descending B, A and G chords. I'll mute it and take a listen but it's what I was looking for. Drums is a real balance isn't it between too much and too little and you're probably right but something we can look at closely for the album version. Appreciate your comments on the Vox as you know it's ma weakness for me.
Pete
Hi Peter, I liked the idea of the cellos, i just thought you played your hand a little early.
The drums , well they kind of stuck out rather, which in a way is a good thing as the rest of the arrangement is sound. Maybe it’s me but I think it just sounds a little sterile/repetitive. Hire Stevie Gadd he’d be perfect for this track.
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Good point about playing my hand early but it's the only time (currently) that there is nothing else going on to mask the notes. I'm sure we'll play around with it when we come to a final mix and master!
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - had another listen, great work Peter, all my previous comments still apply, one of your best vocal deliveries, nice placement of gtrs and really appreciated the simplicity of the gtr fills/harmonies , good work
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I love the melody of the chorus. Beautiful composition and inspiring song. Interesting bass-guitar part.
Maya
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I think this has an anthemic feel to it. I love the guitar chug that leads into the chorus. The overall mix should maybe have a bit more edge, could be a bit more raw..but I think this is a terrific track. Really enjoyed it. :)