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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: IronKnee on July 18, 2021, 05:52:50 AM
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Hi Everyone, just a little tune that I had asked my wife to sing for me. Hope you all like it. As always, any and all comments welcome, and first impressions are most welcome.
“OVER THERE"
By Tom Tognaci
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11794379
You’re not the only
One so lonely
As I go thru my life
There was no emotion
No devotion
In the moments spent that night
You just pretended not to care
When I was over there
In the idle chatter
We didn’t matter
You seemed a little too polite
You played your guitar
While I tore an old scar
Singing words lovers might
That strain proved too much to bare
When I was over there
Why don’t you love me
The way I love you?
Is your heart yours to keep?
Is it my style
Or do you just take a while
To look before you leap?
Those questions I couldn’t dare
When I was over there
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Hola @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
It is a beautiful song. I really liked everything about it and your wife's voice is beautiful and has given the song a very personal and feminine emotion.
The voice of the cello or viola creates a very harmonious, nostalgic dialogue with the calm of the c guitar.
Congratulations. !!!
This phrase is great
"While I tore an old scar"
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My favorite part--the word "over", the way it jumps up and "over there". I wouldn't have minded a little light percussion, although the setting as presented is nicely done and suitable for the style. I like it.
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Hola @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
It is a beautiful song. I really liked everything about it and your wife's voice is beautiful and has given the song a very personal and feminine emotion.
The voice of the cello or viola creates a very harmonious, nostalgic dialogue with the calm of the c guitar.
Congratulations. !!!
This phrase is great
"While I tore an old scar"
I'm happy you like it, M..........thanks soooo much.
-T
My favorite part--the word "over", the way it jumps up and "over there". I wouldn't have minded a little light percussion, although the setting as presented is nicely done and suitable for the style. I like it.
Hey there........thanks for listening and commenting. I really appreciate it. It is VERY subtle, but there is some percussion in there. But, even the headset I am wearing now is not sensitive to pick it up.
Nice hearing from ya.......
-T
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I really like how the quiet melody in the background is combined with the acoustic guitar and beautiful vocals. Amazing vibe.
Maya
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This is really dreamy - loved it. It channels a folk vibe... could hear the ghosts of Nick Drake and Sandy Denny in this. The finger-picking and chord progressions are pure ear candy and I loved the use of strings (cellos?) - not overdone, just the right presence to them. Your wife sings it super well too. The lyrics are nicely oblique... I think I know what it might be about, but it is open to interpretation, so I don't think I'd get bored of them. Maybe it ends a little abruptly? Normal I don't like fade outs personally but for this one I could imagine a long gentle ending, fading away... as it is so pretty.
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I really like how the quiet melody in the background is combined with the acoustic guitar and beautiful vocals. Amazing vibe.
Maya
Thanks Maya...........I'm so glad you liked this. I appreciate you listening and commenting.
This is really dreamy - loved it. It channels a folk vibe... could hear the ghosts of Nick Drake and Sandy Denny in this. The finger-picking and chord progressions are pure ear candy and I loved the use of strings (cellos?) - not overdone, just the right presence to them. Your wife sings it super well too. The lyrics are nicely oblique... I think I know what it might be about, but it is open to interpretation, so I don't think I'd get bored of them. Maybe it ends a little abruptly? Normal I don't like fade outs personally but for this one I could imagine a long gentle ending, fading away... as it is so pretty.
Hey there PaulyX......Thank you very much for taking the time, and for your generous comments. This is one of my songs that doesn't necessarily have a closure ........as some end with a point or "bang"....this one trails off with only the snapshot of a glimpse in this emotional reckoning.
Thanks, again.........
-T
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) this is a perfect little thing and a joy to listen to, your wife has a beautiful voice too, does this mean we might be hearing some duets in the near future? Lovely 👌
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) this is a perfect little thing and a joy to listen to, your wife has a beautiful voice too, does this mean we might be hearing some duets in the near future? Lovely 👌
Thanks man made material............I appreciate the comments. And much thanks for listening. Duets?? Yea, maybe ;-)
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Lovely song @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) ! Your wife’s voice is beautiful and suits the folky song perfectly.
Introduction of the cello (?) is perfect!
Absolutely right up my street - I’m not sure the clicky-type percussion (I’m not sure what it is?) adds anything. I’d be interested to hear it without.
Another vote for a duet!!
K
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Lovely song @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) ! Your wife’s voice is beautiful and suits the folky song perfectly.
Introduction of the cello (?) is perfect!
Absolutely right up my street - I’m not sure the clicky-type percussion (I’m not sure what it is?) adds anything. I’d be interested to hear it without.
Another vote for a duet!!
K
Thanks K..............I really appreciate the kind words!!
My wife will be thrilled with your comment!