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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: man made material on July 13, 2021, 11:22:31 AM

Title: Ghosted
Post by: man made material on July 13, 2021, 11:22:31 AM
So this seemed to have turned out sounding a bit like mid80s new order maybe, not by intent but it’s interesting how these things evolve. I’ve experimented with some synth guitars and done BVs by trying a bit of falsetto 😮 and not used any pitch shifted ladies this time! What is strange is that these are personal lyrics which I don’t usually do, yet strangely I feel little attachment to the song, I’d be interested if other people ever get that…

There was a time
When I'd say everything to you
And you'd say everything to me
Now everything's not so fine
And I don't hear a word from you
For hidden reasons I don't see

So I must face the fact
Something has changed between us now
A fracture between our lives
I just don't know how to react
I want to understand the why somehow
But the shock and hurt survives

Tell me why, the silence is so loud
Tell me why, the silence is so loud
Tell me why, this silence is so loud
Tell me why

I guess the thing that hurts the most
To discover that you didn't think of me
The way I thought of you
And though I thought that we were close
There's a lot of you that I didn't see
But all this time you knew

Tell me why, the silence is so loud
Tell me why, the silence is so loud
Tell me why, this silence is so loud
Tell me why
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 13, 2021, 12:34:45 PM
@man made material (;u=22704) - Love this, really engaged with this right from the off. Dig the synths and the drums, M8 might benefit from a hook in the drums, maybe also a stop dead drop to reflect the silence lyric motif.

Lovely cameo falsetto, appreciated it wasn't over used, a Caz "Sprinkle" if ever I heard one.

Nice production.
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: moraamarolaloba on July 13, 2021, 01:06:38 PM
Hola @man made material (;u=22704)

It is a song that floats on a very beautiful backing. I love the lyrics,it has beautiful lines.
Has it seemed to me to notice a certain desynchrony in the rhythmic in certain parts?

Wonderful falsetto !!
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: jacksimmons on July 13, 2021, 01:36:19 PM
I very much like mid-80s New Order and I very much like this.

Your instrumentation is spot on for the 80s sound. Drums especially. I really like all the synth lines and guitar parts you have sprinkled throughout. It managed to hold my interest for the full near-five minutes despite what is a simple tune (not a bad thing - simple tunes rock, and are hard).

Vocals sound great. Really like the smooth sound you've got.

I wonder how something like this comes about by accident? Song seems perfect for the genre to me.

Also, you say you've lost attachment to the song. At what part in the process did that happen? Maybe you've ended up with something I like more than you!
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: PaulyX on July 13, 2021, 08:41:58 PM
I dig this a lot... the palette of sounds is super.  I can understand the New Order reference (could imagine Peter Hook belting out a low-slung bassline over this) but it felt more experimental than them too - especially the intriguing sound effects in the centre section, and the treatment on the backing vocals.  It sounds 'moody', a touch synth-Goth... but also like you had a lot of fun creating it... all the best Goth tracks were slightly tongue in cheek I think (!) and this certainly made me smile.  The chorus repeated lyric is simple but highly effective... good rhythm... a winner all round I thought.
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: man made material on July 14, 2021, 08:05:03 AM
@cowparsleyman (;u=21308)  thanks sir! Some interesting ideas for me to play about with too👍
@moraamarolaloba (;u=21233)  hmm, I hadn’t noticed any rhythmic desynchronisity, could you point out where you hear it and I’ll check it out👍
@jacksimmons (;u=18881)  thanks man!🙏 It’s not so much that I’ve lost attachment, in fact it’s growing on me, it’s that normally when I’m working on a piece and I’m about two thirds through I’ll have a ‘moment’ when I get a bit emotional because it feels like I’ve got something good, when working on this I never had that moment, hence I’m a little confused!😁
@PaulyX (;u=21034)  you are very perceptive sir! The reason why I’d said it wasn’t supposed to sound like mid 80s New Order was that when I set out I had ‘The Horrors’ in mind as a sound palette, I thought I’d lost that along the way but t guess there’s still some vestige of that in the track, this makes me happy!😁

Thanks all for listening and your comments 🙏
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: rightly on July 14, 2021, 09:46:31 AM
this is fun
you must be winning me over
or you're getting better

i've liked your last few songs

I liked joy division
and early depeche mode.

keep 'em comin'
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: Unclenny on July 16, 2021, 01:03:15 PM
I like has a cool industrial kind of feel to it. Love where the vocal site and how the song moves.

Interesting about your lack of attachment to the lyrics since they definitely impart a definite feeling.
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: moraamarolaloba on July 17, 2021, 05:58:41 PM
action=profile;u=21233]@moraamarolaloba[/url]  hmm, I hadn’t noticed any rhythmic desynchronisity, could you point out where you hear it and I’ll check it out👍

It's true, you're right, I listened to your track one more time and everything is ok, I'm sorry, I must look like the deaf lioness that appears at the party and eats them all hahaha @man made material (;u=22704)
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: man made material on July 22, 2021, 04:07:27 PM
@rightly (;u=20219)  cheers sir - let’s hope it’s both!
@Unclenny (;u=22611)  it’s a strange one, it’s probably my most personal lyrics and yet for some reason I don’t connect with it, appreciate the positive comments though!
@moraamarolaloba (;u=21233)  no apologies needed! It’s good to keep me on my toes!😁
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: Paulski on July 22, 2021, 09:16:27 PM
Hi @man made material (;u=22704) - this is as smooth as a baby's bottom :D
I can see an eighties video panning a cool-looking new age band playing this in an industrial plant :D
Love the little falsetto giggles bouncing left and right.

Great stuff IMO
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: digger72 on July 25, 2021, 12:40:54 PM

Cool early 80s vibe.
Human League came to mind a little.
Great synthy sounds. I too got a bit of New Order, particularly in the bass sounds.

Very nice production.

Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: IronKnee on July 25, 2021, 06:13:20 PM
Love the lyric...the premise is terrific. The music is smooth and carries the emotion well,
Great job............the singing is apropos.
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: LostBoy on July 26, 2021, 09:52:41 PM
Hello mate,

I heard this a while ago and thought I’d commented already!🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️😆

You absolutely nail the music! It really sounds great mate. 😄👍🏻

I have two suggestions in way of constructive feedback…

1. Your vocal is quite loud. I wasn’t sure if the drums needed to come up at first, but I think it’s just the vocal needs to sit better, cos listening on Apple pods, the vocal is too upfront to my ears.
2. Your chorus is cool lyrically, BUT there are a lot of “esses” going on in the middle “sssilenccce isss ssso loud” which unfortunately because of the way you repeat it and how you process your vocals…I’m sorry to say it sounds quite “slushy”…which of course isn’t ideal.

Anyway man, you know I’m a fan. I hope this helps!😄🎶👊🏻🎶
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: man made material on July 27, 2021, 11:49:00 AM
@Paulski (;u=19241)  @digger72 (;u=9823)  @IronKnee (;u=20409)  thanks for the listen and positive feedback guys!🙏
@LostBoy (;u=20481)  it’s amazing how one can listen to something so many times and not hear something until it’s pointed out to you and then it’s impossible to ignore, to the point where you can’t believe you didn’t notice it before… and after going and listening to this after reading your comment, all I could hear was hissing ssssnakes!😂 I’m baffled how I hadn’t heard it but once you pointed it out it was almost unlistenable!😂 anyway I’ve gone in and adjusted the eq and de-essed the vox a bit, also dropped the total vox level a bit (I think I previously had been burying the vocals a bit and had overcompensated on this track) and pumped the drums a smidge, updated as (mix 2)… really appreciate the comments!🙏👍
Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: MonnoDB on August 08, 2021, 06:28:53 PM
I’m just listening now so I’m guessing you’ve addressed some of the issues noted. Vox levels and sss sound spot on for example…

I really like your sound on previous songs…. So unsurprisingly I really like this. I’m with Digger on the Human League Ref. You’ve got some great industrial sounds going on there … not sure I loved the laugh - didn’t seem to go iykwim but maybe I’ll change my mind after more listens.

Falsetto is spot on - sounds great! Another cracker you have here.

Re connecting - I think it depends on the style of the song? With this genre the vocal kind of needs to sound disconnected IMO - passion and angst would sound a bit off and get in the way of the ‘coolness’ of the song. So I imagine that might have something to do with it. I write a lot of dark and personal songs and I’m more likely to deliver an emotional vocal with a 1+1 piano/vox or pared back ballad than if the arrangement is larger and especially if it’s rocking out no matter the theme…

Looking forward to your next one already @man made material (;u=22704) !!

Title: Re: Ghosted
Post by: Neil C on August 15, 2021, 12:27:11 PM
@man made material (;u=22704)
Lots to like here, I'm hearing that early 1980's with bits of Heaven 17 providing providing a suitable backing for your vocals.
Liked the break down too.