The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: IronKnee on June 19, 2021, 05:34:29 AM
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Hi All.....here's a new song. As always, any and all comments are welcome, and first impressions are most welcome. Thanks, in advance!! :)
“Everything Always Ends Up On The Floor..
…(Housewife’s Blues)”
Words & Music By Tom Tognaci
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14269019
You surmise, everything has its place,
Including old housewives, that don a bitter face
But where’s the compromise?
Everything always ends up on the floor
Made a queen, kept in a house of cards
A porcelain figurine, in this glass house bound for shards
Complaints are viewed obscene
Everything always ends up on the floor
You say, everything’s OK, responding nonchalantly with a shrug
But your mess, you have to confess, is too big to be swept under the rug
I suppose, I’ll take it as it comes
But, no one ever knows how the bed sheets, wine, the crumbs…
…the nanny’s panty hose
Everything always ends up on the floor.....
Everything always ends up on the floor.....
Everything always ends up on the floor
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) flipping eck! this is just brilliant, I think this’ll be a rather embarrassing gushy post, brilliant lyrically, brilliant melodically, brilliantly sung, brilliant stripped back production… you’ve painted a picture so clearly, succinctly, with a clever sucker punch with the ‘nanny’s pantyhose’, if this was on soundcloud I’d have reposted it, as it is I hope my 4 consecutive listens give you an idea of how much I liked this - awesome 👏
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This is really great.
I'd have liked it to have gone on a little longer...but that was only the feeling of being sad when it ended. I wouldn't suggest changing anything about it.
I loved everything about it. Lyrics and story are inspired.
It did remind me a tiny bit of "Here, there and everywhere" but that's just an indication of what a great song this is.
Brilliant reveal too. The phrase "panty hose" seems to be exclusively an American-ism...and always sounds like the transatlantic equivalent of putting bromide in your tea.
I really liked the raw and emotive way you sang it too.
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) flipping eck! this is just brilliant, I think this’ll be a rather embarrassing gushy post, brilliant lyrically, brilliant melodically, brilliantly sung, brilliant stripped back production… you’ve painted a picture so clearly, succinctly, with a clever sucker punch with the ‘nanny’s pantyhose’, if this was on soundcloud I’d have reposted it, as it is I hope my 4 consecutive listens give you an idea of how much I liked this - awesome 👏
Hey thanks, man made material.......I really appreciate the very kind words. I'm very glad you like it!
Thanks, again!
This is really great.
I'd have liked it to have gone on a little longer...but that was only the feeling of being sad when it ended. I wouldn't suggest changing anything about it.
I loved everything about it. Lyrics and story are inspired.
It did remind me a tiny bit of "Here, there and everywhere" but that's just an indication of what a great song this is.
Brilliant reveal too. The phrase "panty hose" seems to be exclusively an American-ism...and always sounds like the transatlantic equivalent of putting bromide in your tea.
I really liked the raw and emotive way you sang it too.
Thanks, Paul....for your very kind words, as well.
And I'm particularly glad you like the singing. I sang it once, and rather liked the un-polished rawness of the take. Instead of warming up and smoothing out my vocal, I opted, instead, to go no further than what was initially sang.
Thanks, again!
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Hola @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
Me alegra verte!!!
I have really enjoyed mucho mucho mucho listening to this song, I love everything about it, the lyrics are a silent movie, a portrait of many housewives and the melody and the arrangement I think are what they have to be.
Very good song!!! Congratulations 8)
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Hola @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
Me alegra verte!!!
I have really enjoyed mucho mucho mucho listening to this song, I love everything about it, the lyrics are a silent movie, a portrait of many housewives and the melody and the arrangement I think are what they have to be.
Very good song!!! Congratulations 8)
Hi M,
What a great compliment....."like a silent movie"! How perceptive.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
-T
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Yes a short evocative tale
Excellent title and lyrics
Housewives' blues
The maid... I just hope she had her fun too
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Great lyrics.. "nonchalantly" - what a great word and I love the way you sing it! Great imagery.. raw and lovely vocal.. great twist.. melody perfectly melancholic to go with the sentiment..
Love it!
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - Very evocative, love the intimacy of the production, matches the subject, I loved the way you made my imagination work, the crumbs line for example, I was wondering if they were digestive biscuits, or toast from breakfast, either way the are really annoying.
It would be interesting to hear it sung in a bathroom by a female vocalist, would give almost a 3rd party angle on the scene, the other woman's wrath....
Great stuff.
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Yes a short evocative tale
Excellent title and lyrics
Housewives' blues
The maid... I just hope she had her fun too
Well, there was a party.....just not so sure it wasn't one sided.
Thanks for listening and commenting, Rightly.....
-T
Great lyrics.. "nonchalantly" - what a great word and I love the way you sing it! Great imagery.. raw and lovely vocal.. great twist.. melody perfectly melancholic to go with the sentiment..
Love it!
Thank you MonnoDB.........I appreciate the support. I'm glad you like it!
Thanks, again..
T
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - Very evocative, love the intimacy of the production, matches the subject, I loved the way you made my imagination work, the crumbs line for example, I was wondering if they were digestive biscuits, or toast from breakfast, either way the are really annoying.
It would be interesting to hear it sung in a bathroom by a female vocalist, would give almost a 3rd party angle on the scene, the other woman's wrath....
Great stuff.
Hey there cowparsleyman......first off, thanks for listening and commenting.
I wrote this for a woman to sing, but sometimes we have to take matters into our own hands.
Now, the housewife, or maybe more aptly defined, the "keptwife" isn't in a state of rage, after all. I think she has been defeated, over the years, to accept her keepers abuse.
It's a sad and horrible tale...with a nice melody.
thanks, again..........
-T
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - Very interesting Tom, I really enjoyed it
Maybe take a listen to Missy Higgins singing "Forgive Me"
That's the sort of Wrath I imagined.
Hope you dig.
Rich
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Great succinct piece of musical story-telling this. Clever clever lyrics especially the way you reserve the "twist" until the end. Crystal clear production and it really doesn't need anything more than you have given it - the simplicity of the background is a good fit for the mournful/sad story. No suggestions from me - just "bravo".
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - Very interesting Tom, I really enjoyed it
Maybe take a listen to Missy Higgins singing "Forgive Me"
That's the sort of Wrath I imagined.
Hope you dig.
Rich
Hi Rich......the lyric is open to interpretation, as is the melody.
I like "Forgive Me" and M.H. does a great job.
Yea...........as long as the singer can pull-it-off.......anything is possible.
Thanks, again!!
Great succinct piece of musical story-telling this. Clever clever lyrics especially the way you reserve the "twist" until the end. Crystal clear production and it really doesn't need anything more than you have given it - the simplicity of the background is a good fit for the mournful/sad story. No suggestions from me - just "bravo".
Thanks PaulyX.............I appreciate the very kind and generous words!
Thanks a lot!
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Think I commented on this on the other sight already - but this ones so good its worth saying again.. really awesome track with a powerful melody that makes you just want to stop what you're doing and listen :)
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Think I commented on this on the other sight already - but this ones so good its worth saying again.. really awesome track with a powerful melody that makes you just want to stop what you're doing and listen :)
Hey thanks HR..............I really appreciate the "repeat offender". Makes my day.
I appreciate it!
Thanks, again
-T
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Wow @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409), this is really good. The guitar work is just lovely and works so well with the mood you are going for. I agree with Paul, it's too short, not a criticism, more that I had to go back and restart it!
The only think I didn't like was the whistling, not because it was bad, I just don't like whistling ion a song. Personal taste.
Excellent work though!
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Wow @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409), this is really good. The guitar work is just lovely and works so well with the mood you are going for. I agree with Paul, it's too short, not a criticism, more that I had to go back and restart it!
The only think I didn't like was the whistling, not because it was bad, I just don't like whistling ion a song. Personal taste.
Excellent work though!
Hi Pete...........sorry for not getting back sooner.
Thanks sooo much for listening and commenting. I am very happy you like it. the whistling is a quick remedy to fill in for my little 1+1.
Again, thanks!!!!
-Tom