The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: kevysc on May 07, 2021, 09:35:07 AM
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A was watching an episode of "The Great Songwriters" on Sky Arts and Carly Simon mentioned something about is all having secrets lives that we don't share. Hence this ... comments and suggestions, as always, welcome
https://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/32621494-secret-lives
Secret Lives
I first saw you crying
As the sun was rising
Breaking through the morning gloom
When I asked you why
You just turned away and
Shook your head you never said
I know that you're not trying to hurt me
I understand you need your time
You don't need to please me
Don't need to appease me
If it helps I'm here for you
Chorus 1
I can't see the things you've seen
I can't feel the way you feel
And so I understand if you can't share
Your secret life with me
Long before I met you
How could I forget how
Someone else changed my life
Now they're gone forever
But I sometimes wonder
Could-have-beens, a wasted life
There are secrets that we carry
From other lives we've left behind
So let's keep our secrets
We all need a place for
Memories that we can't share
Chorus 2
You can't see the things I've seen
You can't feel the way I feel
So do you understand why I can't share
My secret life with you?
Chorus 3
We have seen the things we've seen
And we feel the way we feel
And so I understand
Why you can't share
Your secret live with me
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very stripped back production I thought
not to it's detriment though
I do think it's loaded with ideas
too many ideas for one song. i think.
i do like the song
Sounds a bit like peter gabriel
Keep 'em coming!
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Hi @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) I do like the guitars in this song. Nicely played and clean and clear in the mix. You've definitely nailed your vocal mix with your last few recordings. Good harmonies on the chorus. The song is easy to listen to and easy to like. Reminded me a little of Del Amitri which is a good thing.
M
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi, nice understated arrangement which lets the vocal breath with the acoustic guitars. Nice harmonies too. Nicely recoded and the mix suits the song.
Cheers
Jamie
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I'm a fan of your music. I think you're a really good singer and this song is as good as any I've heard of yours. It isn't overproduced and for a song like this it adds to to it's charm. I really enjoyed this :)
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Ah, this I like. Nice guitars, some great harmonies and a chord progression that greets you like an old friend. In my head (yes, there are voices in there as well! :-) ) I can hear the rest of the band join in halfway. Some slide, a Tele, some drums. But stripped down works great as well, top drawer stuff. And I love those little instrumental parts!
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Grabbed a listen to this yesterday but got distracted before I was able to comment.
Really enjoyed the stripped-out arrangement. I can never add a bass without at least some percussion...which is a bit daft! It's funny all those silly little rules we make for ourselves.
This sounds great just as it is. You have a very distinct vocal style that is instantly recognisable. Great songwriting goes with it very nicely too.
I laughed when I saw the Red Star icon on the open tab in my browser...it reminded me of all the boxes of high-quality NHS PPE that we've bankrupted the country buying from China. They leave a little Red Star calling card on each box and often inside each box too. Kind of like a misfortune cookie...
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Interesting theme... Love the arrangement... stripped back and lovely and those harmonies are just gorgeous.... love the way you mixed them too! Perfect! Really like the additional guitar parts..
Great song @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Perhaps my fave of yours (so far) :)
K
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I tried to watch that Great Songwriters with Carly Simon but for some reason she really gets on my nerves! Had to turn it off. My problem I think.
Great subject for a song here though. Like the stripped back arrangement, vocals are really nice tool.
One thing I would change is just get rid of the empty bars between verse end and chorus starting. Seems a bit of dead air on the song that maybe could be trimmed.
Nice harmony work, really lovely stuff.
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Thanks to everyone for listening and commenting.
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Not sure what you mean about too many ideas, but glad you liked it :) I love Peter Gabriel, so many thanks for that
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) Glad you liked it and thanks for the feedback on the vocals... Del Amitri are very underrated, I always liked them, so thanks for that!
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Glad you liked it, I was going for "understated" and it sounds like I hit the mark :)
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) Thanks, glad you liked it and thanks for the support!
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) Yes, if I had a band, this could build to a crescendo :) However, glad you like it as it is :)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Glad you liked it ... I almost went completely acoustic, plus I had a version with orchestrated strings, but in the end, settled for an understated mix :)
(Love the idea of a Misfortune Cookie ... I will probably use that somewhere along the line :) )
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Wow, that's a home run! Glad you like it :)
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) Glad you like it and I agree, Carly Simon is quite annoying. Actually, that whole series is a little disappointing: frankly, there are many more talented songwriters on this forum.
Kevin
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Hola @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Nice song, I like guitars, they always cover the song with a special atmosphere... and I love the chorus.
There are very interesting lines in your lyrics but this one is great
"I can't see the things you've seen
I can't feel the way you feel
And so I understand if you can't share
Your secret life with me"
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) I hear this as a call and answer sung by two people. Not sure if you were were considering that when you wrote it. Anyway, I love how you took inspiration from a seemingly “annoying” idea and made it something of your own. A true artist...seeing things as others may not.
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I like this a lot......has a great melodic hook. Really good, man.
A really good song, Kevin. This is right down my street.
Good stuff!
-Tom
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Hi Kev, I enjoyed this mate. I love how committed you are to backing vocals, lovely arrangement on those.😁👍🏻 I do agree with Tom about considering trimming away the guitar just before the chorus.
Nice idea for a song and you've done a lovely job writing it.😁🎶👊🏻🎶
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) this is a beautifully understated piece. The bass cossets you like a warm glove, those double vocal harmonies are wonderful too. The wistful nature of the lyrics sit perfectly with the melody and restrained production... 👌
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Thanks again to those you listened or commented.
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Glad you liked it and I suppose those lines capture the essence of the song
@A Fernando (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22762) Interesting comment: I originally did consider this as a duet with both voices singing the last chorus together! In the end, with no female voice to work with (and my falsetto wouldn't fool anyone :) ) I re-wrote part of the lyrics and kept it as a solo male :)
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) Glad you like it, thanks
Kevin