The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on May 06, 2021, 10:38:57 AM
-
Hello friends, please find my effort for the current Headline challenge...
A bit tongue in cheek...
Of the two options I was given I choses 'Harry Reid confirms Federal government covered up UFO sightings.
So my little ditty is a take off of the idea that aliens have been visiting the planet for a long time. My thoughts were, why wouldn't they make contact with us if we/they have nothing to fear. So here is my prologue....
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/weve-been-watching-you
At the intersection of Quasars 190236 and 14759 there is a ship called Thetis, orbiting a planet called Neferton 6A. On this ship there is a delegation of entities attending a Board meeting. The chairman Tan Jot calls the meeting to order after a recess and asks the secretary Dom Talek to introduce the next item on the agenda. Next on the agenda we have the acquisitions and capital expenditure session. Item 1 is an update on our Project 999111 “Harvest Earth”. Dear colleagues if we do not act soon, ‘Earth” will be out of our Galactic orbit for the next Millenia and therefore our ‘window of opportunity’ is closing rapidly. As a summary the project is predicated on expenditure of the approved capital expenditure of which 40% has been used. It is intended that the project will return is a 100 times return on our investment and furthermore will allow us to use ‘Earth” as a base for our next excursion.
In order to come to a conclusion on the decision allow me to update the Board on progress towards out goals.
Our outposts continue to visit Earth to assess the status of the residents and to update our records on developments. As you are aware the decision not to make contact with the primitives has been resolutely followed and though they think they we have visited this is no more that their superstitions and false beliefs that we are here. We have never been detected.
Our pre-emptive activities continue on three main efforts
!. We have continued to increase the temperature on the planet over the last 100 years, this has resulted in activities to reduce ‘Global warming’ on the planet. This has reduced the effectiveness of their economies and caused political instability. Their ‘Leaders’ blame each other.
2. Our Putin cyborg continues to be very effective in destabilising ‘Europe’ with his efforts in Georgia and Ukraine. Unfortunallty despite our best efforts the ’Trump’ cyborg has been totally ineffective and failed to conclude our efforts to have the 'USA and Iran' start a war. We have started a new campaign with cyborg ‘Biden’.
3. Our other recent and ongoing activity is to ’seed’ the Earth with viruses. The current effects have been excellent and when we ’seed’ the next batch of variants the Planet will be weakened beyond repair.
I propose to the Board that we proceed with the colonisation and acquisition of ‘Earth’ with immediate effect.
All those in favour please raise the appropriate appendage.
The decision is duly noted
Signed
Dom Talek
Secretary to the Astral Acquisitions sub group Board
We're making plans for you
We’re making plans for you, but just not yet
Options are up for grabs, no need to fret
We’ve had a look around, hedging our bets
Weigh up the pro’s and cons, time to reflect
We’ve sown the seeds of doom, our plans are clear
We’ll give you rope enough, then we’ll appear
We’ll raise the temperature, turn up the heat
And you will blame yourselves, blame your elites
We’ve been watching you, from the stars
Keeping tabs on you from afar
We came to take a look, just to check
Consider all our plans, prepare the decks
And when you’ve wasted Earth, we’ll talk right in
We play a waiting game, we always win
Don’t need to work too hard, it’s all down to you
Once you destroy yourselves, we’ll start anew.
We’ve been watching you, from the stars
Keeping tabs on you from afar
We came to take a look, just to check
Consider all our plans, prepare the deck
We don’t need to rush, we’ll take our chance
Wait for our turn to come, it’s circumstance
You will never know where we are from
I think your time is up, coz here we come
-
that was fun listen
I might be off my meds, but i detected an ominous build up of tension.
well put together
and tight.
There's a lot of interest in Aliens lately
-
This is exceptional. It belongs in a scifi movie, no doubt about that and it's incredibly well done. Great doom-laden chords and vocals plus fabulous instrumentation and, wow, an absolutely cataclysmic ending!! I like your intro spiel too. I don't hear any direct reference to the headline but I don't suppose that matters - it's where it's taken you that counts and this is awesome. The thought and imagination that's gone into this is huge and it gets a massive thumbs up here. Well done mate - a terrific entry.
-
Great song!
I always figured that if you got the cleverest person and the greatest inventor and the best manufacturer on Earth and said to them "make a craft that we can use to take people safely to another planet where there is intelligent life, interact with them and then return home" they wouldn't be able to do it. So I assume that any Aliens who could reach us would be so much more advanced than us that they probably couldn't be arsed to bother doing so, unless we had something they desperately wanted...in which case they'd have come and taken it...either by fooling us into letting them have it, or kicking the shit out of us and simply taking it.
Some great ideas in the preamble. Destabilising Europe with Cyborg Putin? They haven't half ramped things up since they sent Cyborg Hitler. Looks like the intergalactic gloves are off ;)
Anyway, this is a superb and musically inspirational entry for the challenge.
I missed your soaring vocals a little, as you seemed to be in a much lower register for most of this one. I don't suppose you did what I often do, and write something in a random key and then find it's too high to sing...I think you're too good for that.
This is so uniquely Jamie and is quite remarkable.
-
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Love the back story, very creative and could be pitched as a Netflix series! Clever lyrics that effortless tell the story. Great chords and melodies and a finely balanced production. Would a heavily treated vocal to make it sound like an Alien singing be too much? Either way, fantastic piece of work, well done
(P.S. Love the ending, even if the length now takes us firmly into Prog Rock territory :) )
Kevin
-
Hola @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
It was a great entertaining listening to your song!!!!
Mora
-
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125),
A beautiful intro. You are a super songwriter for sure! Your trademark soundscape seduces the listener and it is a joy to be drawn into the wonderful atmosphere that you present. I often feell that I don't have to listen to your lyrics as it is a delightful to simply tune into the music. That said that lyrics are very good. This tells a very engaging story.
"We’ll raise the temperature, turn up the heat
And you will blame yourselves, blame your elites"
this is an excellent example of your skill, crafting lyrics that have been well considered and written beautifully.
Paul
-
Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) you once said that you thought lyrics weren’t as important as the music to you, but then you’ve nearly written the introduction to an entire novel in that pre-amble. I could at least imagine it printed on a cardboard sleeve of your latest Concept Album. ;D (you know, I do miss those sleeves, which I used to look at for hours as a youngster, btw)
The part 1 melody of this one is very incessant and hypnotic, helped by those interesting chord changes.
The stuff after the battle section is flipping’ epic! Great play out there and engaging right throughout its six and a half minutes plus. Very well conceived and meticulously put together. Another great entry into this terrific Forum Challenge. 👍
-
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) This is very marvelous indeed. I've had quite a few listens to this already as I didn't want to jump in and review it on the first listen. You we're dealt a difficult hand by the spinning wheel and you've created a fabulous piece of music. Great attention to detail and epic chord progressions along with your super vocals. Another fantastic entry for the challenge - Excellent :)
-
Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
The Carpenters recorded a song with a similar theme - "Calling Occupants Of Intergalactic Craft".This song has your trademark chord changes and clever production. I think the lyrics are very strong but to me, the vocal seems a little detached and uncommitted;lazy almost. Maybe they need to be higher in the mix and I found the whole thing just lacked sparkle and energy. Sorry that this one didn't connect with me as well as your material usually does.
M
-
Nice one Jamie - you have a knack for these sythesized wonder songs that transport us beyond our earthly surroundings.
I enjoyed my journey, well until the alien attack unnerved me a bit :D
Paul
-
Hi, thanks for listening!
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
I think your meds are fine, in fact I think I could use some ;). Glad you got something from it!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723)
Hi Chris, the nod to the headline is that in the song humans think that the authorities know there are aliens out there, and are keeping it from the masses. In truth they don't, they think they know, but in my preamble and in the song the aliens are clear that they remain undetected. Maybe a bit convoluted but hey.....it's about aliens so anything goes ;) :P ::) ;D.Thanks for your kind words, it's appreciated!
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hi, thanks for listening!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, I've said this before. When I first started posting songs my vocals were often commented on and not really in a positive way. The source always seemed to be about my use of my upper range in vocals ???. It's strange that in recent times some have commented that they 'love' my higher end singing. Isn't life strange? Anyhoo, great comments as ever Paul, they're much appreciated! I hope you spotted my nod to conspiracy theories.... ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi, great comments, I thought I already sounded like an alien... ;).Great comments and yes, guilty as charged on the nod to prog rock at the end!
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hi, thanks for listening!±
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, glad you enjoyed it, I was a bit nervous about trying to write something to a brief for the challenge, so I'll take entertaining!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Hi Paul, I rarely get my lyrics mentioned so I'm delighted with your comments! Great comments, I know you take your music seriously so I love your comments!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Hi Michael, Yes, when I release my 'big black CD's ' as my son used to call my record collection, the sleeve will have my preamble on it ;). Glad you liked the melody I was going for pathos. The end section nearly didn't happen, but when I was listening to it I thought I could add some effects and 'a battle' at the end to build on the story. Glad you liked it!
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hi all, thanks for listening!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, great comments, thank you sir!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, sorry this one didn't connect for you, can't win em all ;). I did think of the Carpenters whilst I was recording it, but I don't think I've pinched anything from them..... :o :-X ;D
Cheers
Jamie
-
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, thanks for listening and commenting it's appreciated! Sorry I unnerved you, thats not easy to do to a Canadian. After all you live in a country where bears, wolves and cougars roam freely.....My Canadian family members are so blasé about the wildlife..... :o Glad I was able to transport you!
Cheers Paul!
Jamie
-
Another super song . I don`t know much about musical notation but I know there are 5 types of chord, major, minor, diminished, augmented & those chords @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) uses. Wonderful stuff. A superb opening & atmosphere combined with some great lines. The "war sequence" threw me a bit..I think I told you I`m a lover not a fighter ;D..but love it when the dirty guitar kicks in & great fun.
-
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, I hope you spotted my nod to conspiracy theories.... ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D
Jamie
Hi Jamie
Ha ha...those silly conspiracy theories ::)
I know you couldn't have meant MKUltra, Operation Mockingbird, Project Sunshine, The Tuskegee Study, CoIntelPro, Operation Gladio, Condor or Paperclip because they all turned out to be true...
Paul
-
Hey, i enjoyed the background story as much as the song itself. A rich and full soundscape, esp enjoyed the bass (but I found it a tad too upfront in the mix) A little on the long side from my taste but overall a quality work in every aspect.
-
Hi, thanks for listening and taking time to comment...
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535)
Hi, glad you enjoyed it! Great comments, greatly appreciated! The end sequence was a bit tongue in cheek, so I'm pleased it brought a smile to your face. 8)
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi, I played around with the bass guitar for a long time, more than any other part, and I'm still not happy with it. I think I maybe got carried away with synchronising and forget other parts...Glad you enjoyed it though! ;D
Cheers
Jamie
-
Great preamble @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - and great lyrics..
As always.. dripping in atmosphere... love the shift at 5mins - very effective.. and that guitar after it is fab.. as are the Aahs.. Only crit would be that it might have been a little bit on-the-same-levelish / little melodic variation up to that point.... but it certainly didn't feel like it was just shy of 7 minutes which is a feat and a half..
Another fantastic creation..
K