The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on May 05, 2021, 07:48:52 PM
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Hi all!
Another one from the Swede and Me 😁. No that’s not our new band name... although.... 🤔😁.. as always we had great fun with this one. Back to rockier fare, not a Celtic instrument within a mile of this one! Writing a completely different song, this one stole one of the lines and muscled its way out. That was dark, this one a little less so....
As always all crits/comments welcome...
You’re drowning
Heart’s pounding
Fear’s mounting
Pushed, you will fall
Fate sent me
Step gently
I’ll extend a hand for you to hold
Today’s the day for a leap of faith
I’ll catch your fall
Don’t be afraid to break the chains
Don’t be afraid at all
The past haunts you
Fear taunts you
Life’s cost a price
That you can’t pay
Put one chip then two down when
You find the right game to play
Today’s the day for a leap of faith
I’ll catch your fall
Don’t be afraid to break the chains
Don’t be afraid at all
The suitcase in the hall
A life not lived at all
Open up that door
Let your life unfold
Today’s the day for a leap of faith
I’ll catch your fall
Don’t be afraid to break the chains
Don’t be afraid at all
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Something is wrong with the link, here is a working one (I hope!)
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Thanks @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - fixed now :)
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Nice. Good Vocal and soundscape. Liked the drum accents and the way it goes into the guitar solo. I did feel the guitar parts were a little quiet in relation to the vocal.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Really like this one. Excellent, tight lyrics and love the chorus. Fantastic production that really supports an excellent vocal. Love the guitar breaks. One of your best.
Kevin
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i really like your voice in this one
there seem to be many elements at work
but i think it's just a few doing what they should be doing
I like the message too
A message i need to internalise
Good writing
you guys make it seem so easy!
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Hola @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
I love your work, it is always well cared for and executed, and your voice is the icing on the cake. I liked it a lot. The song has a solid and elegant construction, as always.
Me gusta mucho la letra!!!
Kiss for you!!!!
Mora
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Hi Monno/JB,
Great stuff. Alannah Myles joins Fleetwood Mac on stage and starts up Black Velvet, but The Cranberries say i'm not having this and put their two penneth in, before Ashes For dreams step in and say - hold on, this our gig and steal the show.
Upbeat, rock pop. Loved it.
Digger
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Hey Karen, @MonoDB,
Shades of Black velvet evident in the driving bass. Lovely guitar work evident. This is immediately catchy and builds extremely well. Love the inclusion of the fantastic backing vocals that support the main. Karen, you're voice has never sounded better. Great to here the advances that you make with your music as you explore your music further.
Paul
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Very nice how that mid8 vocal explodes into the instrumental break. I also thought Fleetwood Mac, but might have been a Chains subliminal message - but probably more the way a meaty rock backing track so smoothly wraps around a part confident, part vulnerable female vocal. Sounds very polished, but with the right amount of punch too. Catchy chorus, but when are they not?
Yep, smashing stuff...I wish I only had something more useful to add!
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) "The Swede And Me" is a great band name by the way - Loved this one - I see JB has his Baritone geetar out again. Your vocals are crystal clear Karen and love your harmony work on this one. I also really liked the ride cymbal sound (I know that's a weird thing to say but it just seemed to really cut through) What drums are you using btw ? Anyway, another smashing listen from you two :)
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I really like this. Great vocals and some nice guitar playing. The production is really strong too. For me it could perhaps be a little faster and the end could be a bit more positive, but that really is nit picking. I think this is a great song. I really enjoyed it :)
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I also got some Fleetwood Mac (I want to say because of the drums, guitars, vocals and harmonies and not because of any biases from the title).
Perfect length. Middle 8 really takes us in a different direction and has what I would call a "moment" when we get to "unfold" - a real few instants of wow that get you inside.
Shout out for that guitar riff/run as well.
Love this one.
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Hi @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
You guys are sooo clever. Shades of "Black Velvet" in the bass/drums combo and I'm also getting a Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac vibe particularly when the guitar goes into Lindsey Buckingham mode. This is an excellent piece of pop music. Catchy,clever production, lyrics are sound, melodic, great vocals, lovely clean ,clear mix. What is there not to like and admire here? Go to the top of the class.
M
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi guys, I too get the references mentioned above, and nothing wrong with that, both great bands and writers. Sounds great, lovely production and the singing sounding as good as ever. I have a slight arguments with @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) I didn't like the sound of the ride cymbal it sounded a bit 'clunky' to me, which is also a weird thing to say..... ;) :o 8) ;D
Great stuff guys another cracker!
Jamie
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It's all been said! Shades of Black Velvet - love that bass!
Great vocals/harms, chorus is catchy and lifts nicely.
Stellar guitars and drums.
There's nothing here that I can find to not like. :D
Good collab guys
Paul
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;D ;D @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Ridewars ;D ;D ;D
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Brilliant!
One small thing...I thought the bass was slightly at odds with the drums at the start somehow. Funnily enough, it made me me grab my bass and play along...which I hardly ever do! I don't think there's anything wrong with the bass...maybe I thought it needed a little more definition? Or maybe I just felt that I'd have played it differently...for what that's worth!
Vocals are sounding really sultry and very nice indeed. Tricky rhythm to pull off instrumentally, I think...but JB did a great job as usual!
Btw Karen @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) is "Ashes for Dreams" a line in one of your songs? I was wandering through the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle today and I used the phrase in some lyrics I'm trying to get together for a song...and thought I'd better ask!
Great lyrics. Lovely backing Vox too. I loved the "a life not lived at all" line in particular.
A super track.
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Brilliant!
One small thing...I thought the bass was slightly at odds with the drums at the start somehow. Funnily enough, it made me me grab my bass and play along...which I hardly ever do! I don't think there's anything wrong with the bass...maybe I thought it needed a little more definition? Or maybe I just felt that I'd have played it differently...for what that's worth!
Vocals are sounding really sultry and very nice indeed. Tricky rhythm to pull off instrumentally, I think...but JB did a great job as usual!
Btw Karen @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) is "Ashes for Dreams" a line in one of your songs? I was wandering through the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle today and I used the phrase in some lyrics I'm trying to get together for a song...and thought I'd better ask!
Great lyrics. Lovely backing Vox too. I loved the "a life not lived at all" line in particular.
A super track.
Hey @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - since you're in the throes of writing I thought I should answer you quickly - have been mental busy so will get to more reviewing and answering all the other fab comments (for which I am truly grateful) over the next couple of days.. Re Ashes for dreams as a lyric.. no, not at all - have at it!! Look forward to hearing it.. The closest we came was on Love Gone Cold, the chorus went "We're standing in the ashes of a love gone cold...."... Iirc, AFD was one of a stream of consciousness of suggestions when we were trying to come up with a band name 4 years ago...a year after our first collaboration! It's flown as only rollercoaster adventures can...
Anyhoo it's all yours! :)
"A life not lived at all" was the line that started the song before this one... and this one stole it.. :D It's a line laden with meaning for me and even the second song (which I'm working on at the moment) isn't quite the song I intended although it is definitely closer.. So I love that you picked that line from the song.. I might be brave enough to share the context when I post the other song but I doubt it :)
Thanks so much for your great comments...
K
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Thanks all for listening and for your comments.. Delighted..
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) thanks so much!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) & @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - I'll leave @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) to referee the Ride Wars :) Thank you both for your great comments.. And yes John.. that baritone is the 8th wonder... I just adore it... I'd say I want one myself except I wouldn't be able to play the bloody thing! :)
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - thanks so much... love the refs ! :) You're very kind..
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - funny I never even thought of the title FM ref until we posted and got this feedback.. I wonder if we'd called it Catch Your Fall (Catch was the working title) would it have gotten the same feedback.. Thanks a mill for your great comments..
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - thanks so much! Interesting points..... I can't see us changing the pace but will look at the outtro vocal (I'm assuming you mean the sung line.. )
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - thanks a mill.. as above interesting re the subliminal FM influence... You're very kind and I appreciate it!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - thanks so much that means a hell of a lot!
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) - lol - great review, I loved that!! Thank you!!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Muchas gracias - you are so kind!
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - yeah I think we could all do with taking the message on board... me included.. Thanks for your great comments! We do love it!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) - gotta agree re the guitar work, it's fab. Thanks for your lovely comments..
@estreet (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=15055) - thank you kindly... Noted re levels we'll look at that..
Thank you all.. Completely blown away.. Loved doing this one...
K
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Great groove & the middle 8 breaks it up nicely into the wonderful guitar solo. Vocals, especially after the solo are superb. As has been mentioned it sounds beautifully polished & all set for FM radio. Top stuff @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) & @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) . :)
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Hi there,
Great song - love the vibe and production. Here is some feedback on ideas to make this even better
- The solo is a little low in the mix. I would back off the rest of the instruments first rather than raising the level
- While the vocal performance is steller, I feel that it could be sung in the verses with a little more grit especially in the beginning. Another option would be to add some distortion to the verse vocals, maybe a parallel track that is blended in. The 2nd verse is better than the first in this regard. Also the timing of the singing is not always synched to the rhythm to me. Sorry if I am being too nit picky.
Thanks for sharing!
Jonathan
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Thank you so much @jonlint (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19407) - thanks for the pointers, we'll take them on board when reviewing the mix etc..
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - thanks so much... you are very kind, sir(s) :)
K
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Love the new wave sound. Has a retro feel, but refreshed.
Love the sound. The singing parts are excellent! Love the big sounding guitars.
Good stuff, guys!
-Tom
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) great chorus! Packs a great punch after the sultry ‘black velvet’ beginning. Great vocals and vocal arrangement as always... it’s got a great hook, that’ll be slipping into my head again, no doubt!👌
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Thanks so much @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) amd @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) ! Such great comments- I really appreciate them!
And thanks to all who’ve listened and commented!
K