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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on April 26, 2021, 07:39:12 AM
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I must admit that when my headlines were allocated by the great spinning wheel of fate, I was totally blank about what I was going to do. I thought that I might take my time with this challenge and started to jot down a few words and phrases related to "time" and "essence" but then, the next day, boom - and the whole song seemed to appear right in front of me - That doesn't happen too often but when it does, it's great
I have no idea what genre this number falls into, to me it kind of sounds like Trumpton meets Metallica ;D ;D - I did also manage to throw in a reference to the Spinning Wheel :)
Make of it what you will :)
Sands of time
Slipping through an hour glass
Broken on the floor
Time won't give you more
Crooked hand on faded dial
Perfume exudes from the phial
Slowly now the coil unwinds
And I can smell your presence
The old clock strikes
Another hour
And from the lotion
A magic potion
Spinning wheel
Slowing, slowing
Cos you can't stop
Old father time
Time – Is of the essence
Time can't break me
Elevate me
Levitate and see
Just can't wait for time
Sands of mine
Slipped away so long ago
Scattered on the floor
Never giving you more
Tender hand and gentle touch
Perfume exudes from your smile
Slowly now as I unwind
And drift into your presence
Time – Is of the essence
Time can't break me
Elevate me
Levitate and see
Cos I can't wait for time
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Hi @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) there’s a lot of quirky charm in the soundscape of this, from the winding clock to the see-saw organ pipes. You wouldn’t expect it was all going to end up with that soaring powerful chorus. Some clever touches in the lyrics too - I liked how you used the metaphor of perfume to cover the ‘essence’ element to your headline.
Very imaginative and a joyful listen from start to finish, it’s the kind of backing track that keeps providing little surprises along the way, and I bet you had loads of fun tinkering with it and bringing it to a finished product.
Great entry. Who will be up next, I wonder?
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Great start with the chiming and ticking locks John. I first read the lyrics and now how good they are. I'm getting a strong Beatles vibe and that's never a bad thing. Your vocals are sounding so different on this track. They ar really good. Lovethe way the track soars without restriction. Great musical backdrop!
Paul
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A great track John. There's some great twists and turns here. I'm particularly fond of your lyrics to this one. I don't know about Trumpton or Metallica (!!) but I really enjoyed this. Paul says that your vocals are different on this and I agree - and they are good. Great song. :)
PS. Mine's ready - I could post it on Thursday if that's okay with everyone.
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This phrase is magnificent and says it all.
"Sands of time
Slipping through an hour glass
Broken on the floor
Time won't give you more"
I really liked your song, it is deep and has magical parts. Very good work, very good.
Mora
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Hi @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Great clock chiming in the intro and I love the images you've used :"Sands of time
Slipping through an hour glass
Broken on the floor
Time won't give you more"
That alone is worth the price of admission.
I'm willing to bet that the rhyming of "Dial" with "Phial" is probably a first.
I love the way you sing the beginning and end sections - that part of your voice should be used more. Great piece of music full of ambition, invention and skill.
M
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I loved the Trumpton influenced clock thing...and the feel of the start and end sections...I also agree that that’s another side to your great voice that sounds and works brilliantly here. Heavier section is really cool too...that drummer must have given his kick-drum foot quite a workout. I had a similar experience yesterday cutting half a dozen flagstones in half by grappling with our lads’ industrial grade angle grinder...by the time I was finished, I could hardly lift the bastard to put it away.
This is a top entry for the challenge. Really inventive both lyrically and musically.
These challenges really do bring out some of the very best in people.
Congratulations on a great entry...and thanks for helping to get it going 😀
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@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) - Yup, go for it and post you entry on Thursday :) I'm looking forward to hearing it as you were dealt a very interesting hand by the spinning wheel ;D ;D
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) this one is original in every point, musically, singing....As good as a giant ball of fire.
Great track 🙂
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Definitely a Sargent Pepper feel to this one, you are pulling out all the stops! Some nice lyrical touches (the broken hour glass really grabs the attention) and a complex melodic structure: this is certainly not three chords and the truth territory :) Nice job,
Kevin
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) an opening that promises cross between ‘time’ and ‘money’ by Pink Floyd and this doesn’t disappoint, it’s a very dynamic track from chilled to almost face melting at points... with some very clever lyrics... another belter to come out of this challenge!👍
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, I got a touch of early pink floyd from this one, the Sad Barrett era. Great vocal on this as others have noted and I too love the stratospheric take off when it 'kicks off'. Great lyric and nice touches to keep interest....
Excellent
Jamie
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Great to hear you putting the psycho into psychedelia @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) . Love the way the song starts out controlled by the clock with an underlying manic background until it breaks into mayhem. So much work created in such a small amount of time..superb entry for the challenge.
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Pink Floyd meets the Beatles ... agree re your vox. I was pondering that before I saw all the comments... great deep tones you crooner you!! 😁😁
Lyrics are great - some great lines in there.. love the sands of time image. The track itself is full of interesting twists and turns and I really like the sounds at the start.
Quality stuff @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) !
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Wow, that is kind of two songs in one! Would have been cool if the whole drum track of the first half would have been made up of different clock sounds or at least mechanical sounds, yes? I have mixed feelings about this on, I do advocate variation in all forms but here it may be a little too much twisting and turning? At least for my taste. But on the other hand it is quite interesting and certainly kept my attention all the way through so.....
Anyways, it stands out from the crowd for sure and that is usually a good thing!
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Thank you to everyone who has listened to and reviewed this song. It was interesting to sing in a lower key for a change. I seem to be obsessed with songs about time atm as I've just written a song about a clock ;D