The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: 5 guys named Lars on April 03, 2021, 06:55:50 AM
-
Hi everyone.
This was written last summer for a collaboration but never used. Dug it out of the bin last month & hope somebody digs it.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) kindly donned his kaftan, placed some lysergic acid into his Ribena & gave it a full 1960`s treatment. Big thanks to him as always for making it listenable.
Feedback, good, bad or indifferent as always much appreciated.
Much love & Happy Easter.
Chris. :)
The Birds Keep Singing
What did you do this summer?
I got smashed on Beaujolais.
You could have seen me suffer.. but you were far away.
I lie here contemplating in our once perfect home.
Now all the walls need painting & the gardens overgrown.
I´ve got my headphones on in bed but that birds still singing in my head.
I know I´ve had my chances. I`m overwhelmed with guilt.
While searching for Atlantis I`m drowning in the silt
And now my phones stopped ringing its peaceful finally
But those bloody birds keep singing & they´re singing just for me.
And when their loved ones fly away, they still keep singing..that bird keeps singing every day.
How can I live today when there`s no tomorrow?
She left me for another man, part of natures masterplan.
How can they sing today when there`s no tomorrow?
Take your songs & disappear. Wake me up when winters here.
You start a conversation with some young handsome man
Its been no consolation to be your back up plan.
The time will pass & surely we`ll meet (though God knows when).
You`re on a different journey and I`m on the beer again.
I`m trying to forget what she did last summer
(She left me for another man, part of natures masterplan)
Why do they have to sing like they did last summer?
Take your songs & disappear
Wake me up when winters here
Take your songs & disappear. Wake me up when winters here.
Part of natures master plan..Karmas screwed me up again.
Ladybird & bumblebee. Piss off home don`t bother me.
While witnessing my final fall the birds keep singing through it all.
Spread you wings & disappear. Wake me up when winters here.
Written by C.Underwood. 2020.
-
I got a bit of a Beatles/Kinks vibe with this one. Nice song. :D
-
I second the Beatles vibe. Everything what is gone will come back sometime. I like it. This kind of music makes me glad.
-
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535)
The Beatles and The Kinks have already been mentioned. I can also hear The Beach Boys, The Turtles and, yeah, LSD and kaftans!! So said, this really stands up on it's own merit. I'm loving the lyrics and the vocal delivery is just right. I would like to hear some drums though nothing over the top. I'm not talking about Keith Moon or John Bonham(!), but I think a back beat of some kind would work. I really enjoyed this..a nice listen on a sunny (though bloody cold) Easter Monday. :)
-
Very kinky stuff! A period of music I love and you've recreated it beautifully.
Especially the "kinks trying to be the beach boys BVs!"
Would have loved to have heard some Ringo-ish drumming coming in at some point too.
Some great lines in there "Why do they have to sing like they did last summer?" really paints the picture and also loads with reflective emotion.
Fab!
-
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) @tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) Many thanks for the feedback boys. After your comments @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) rang Ringo (who currently runs a boozer just outside Portsmouth) who came round & put down a drum track. Peace & love..peace & love. It does give it a bit more oomph I think so thanks for that. The new version has replaced the old.
@sterix @fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014) The collab these bits were written for was in a Kinks style so glad you picked up on that. Thanks for listening & the nice words.
Cheers,
Chris. :)
-
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535)
Yes, that's done the trick! Well done Ringo! That was quick. It certainly gives the song a lift and the style is right imho. A great song. :)
-
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535)
Hi Chris,Love it, all the references mentioned by others are right on the money. The only thing that concerns me is your introduction, for me it undermines everything else. Coz I don't believe for a minute John @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) has ever drank Ribena..... :o ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D. Excellent song guys well performed and put together!
Peace and love 8)
Cheers 8)
Jamie
-
Hi @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - What a start! Grabs you straight away. I'm getting Beatles, Kinks, Beach Boys and Small Faces. That keyboard sound is absolutely gorgeous as is the whole song. Lovely melodic, sunny sound despite the darker very witty lyrics. I don't think I've heard a better track on this forum this year. What an absolute cracker.
M
-
Working with @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) is always an absolute delight. In fact, it never feels like working, but boy, can those guys shift some Carlsberg. I loved this song the first time I heard it and it was an absolute pleasure to add my little bit to it. Chris always comes up with such original ideas and the lyrics are always well thought out too. Loved it :)
-
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) great tune - totally get that sixties kinks/beach boys reference, great melody with some really nice hooks👍 (I was put in mind of Grimly Fiendish by the damned - I wanted to sing ‘bad lad bad boy’ along with it 😂) anyway great song!👍
-
Hi @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535), smashing tune with that signature quirky wall of sound of yours that I must get round to ripping off soon. ;D I loved your very modern ‘kitchen sink’ lyrics about getting smashed and the garden getting overgrown, everything decaying as the pain of lost love kicks in. I couldn’t fault it really, except there is an apostrophe missing in gardens, which kind of spoils the whole thing really. ;D
I really liked that incessant play out though, which makes the protagonist sound a bit crazy really. Which might well be the case. Very clever take on an age old story often delivered in cliches. Not here though, most refreshing and original. Top production too! 👍
-
24 carat, this bastard!
Fantastic song and with Johns brilliant and inventive production, it's a winner all the way.
You'd got "something different" that is so engaging. If I had to put money on just one writer on the forum who'd be most likely to get a song that became a success...I'd waste my money on you.
Loved the first version...but the drums really do take it all the way to the bank. It's just a shame that the branch was closed a couple of years ago and is now luxury flats. There is, however, an alternate branch miles away...or a phone line that takes 40 minutes to get connected to a piss-poor automated response to tell you how important your call is to the greedy bastards. But that's progress...
Top Tune!
-
Thanks to those who have listened and commented.
Cheers @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125). :). John does like a drop of ribena with his spirits.,be it vodka, gin or methylated.
Really chuffed you liked this @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653). Thank you for the kind words.
The pleasure was all mine @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269). Thanks for agreeing to mix it. It wasn't a "little bit" at all and by the way your little bit has brought a lot of pleasure to many musicians (and the Dagenham Girl Pipers).
Got a bit worried @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) when you mentioned Grimly Fiendish as I'm always worried I've nicked the song so was relieved when I looked it up. How weird it must have been to go to a Damned concert in the 80's!? Like punk never happened. :o Thanks for the nice comments.
Cheers as ever @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274). Gutted (& I should be) though about the missing apostrophe. I feel such a fool & shall flog myself with a wet flannel as penance for the rest of April and hopefully longer. Thanks for listening.
Fortunately @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) the money you wouldn't invest would be perfectly safe as I wouldn't recognize any kind of success if it stepped up & slapped me in the face with a wet fish. Thanks for listening anyway and for making me laugh.
-
Hola @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535)
I liked your song very much, the lyrics are really deep despite having simple words, really descriptive.
I love this:
I know I´ve had my chances. I`m overwhelmed with guilt.
While searching for Atlantis I`m drowning in the silt
Stay safe
Mora
-
Great opening gambit
"What did you do this summer? I got smashed on Beaujolais." Simply because Beaujolais isn't common place in lyric writing. A bold musical composition, influences worn on your sleeve. This is melodic and nostalgic. Immediately catchy.
Kudos!
Paul
-
Reminds me of a song 'Blur' would sing. Easy, happy song to listen to. (Happy but the lyrics aren't). Anyhow, I find the keys are a bit to much in the picture, volume down I would say. Especially because they are very much repeating. If you know what I mean. Ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti. One keeps focussing on it alone.