The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on February 28, 2021, 06:56:44 AM
-
Hi Guys, Well here's my latest original. I finally got around to writing something new, albeit, probably a little controversial :o
The is song just a query. I'm not saying that I believe totally one way or the other. I just thought it would make an interesting topic right now :-\
I hope you find it entertaining at the least and any suggestions on how I might improve it ,would be most welcome :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-great-reset-or-conspiracy-theory
This is a new version with a little more melody in the verses :) If you'd be interested in taking a listen, I would love to know if you think it's any better. :o
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-great-reset-2
If you don’t do anything else today
Listen to what some pundits say
Is our freedom of speech slipping away?
Is censorship no longer at bay?
“We got a conspiracy theory here…take it down”
Is the great reset, the ultimate goal?
Are liberty and choice, deserting their role?
Is Divoc 91, bleeding our souls?
While the new world order, takes control?
“Conspiracy theory…take it down”
Land of the Free; Home of the Brave
Land the imprisoned; Home of the Afraid
The Trump cards in the attic, and the joker’s in your head
The butter’s going rancid and there’s maggot’s in the bread
Nobody has a face; mouths as black as coal
Apocalyptic hangover‘s starting to take its toll
Global surveillance in total disguise
Subtle brainwashing and so many lies
Serums flood the market, as the 'gates' open wide
Watch out, cause you’re in for a big surprise
“Conspiracy theory…take it down”
We need to stand up for democracy
Or we’ll loose all our rights to autocracy
Elite power hungry, bureaucracy
Oh my God, the hypocrisy!
These are unprecedented times
Isolation is key to our survival
We must keep muzzled and separate
Our enemy may be small, but it is relentless
It feeds on fake news and conspiracy theories
Fear is our friend now; we must never surrender
The Trump cards in the attic, and the joker’s in your head
The butter’s going rancid and there’s maggot’s in the bread
Nobody has a face; mouths as black as coal
Apocalyptic hangover‘s starting to take its toll
Conspiracy theory; who’s on the jury?
-
Well done
very clear and lucid lyrically
Not quite as decorative as your other tracks
still nice to hear your take on these times
thanks for sharing
-
Hi crystalsuzy...........this is very relative to our times. I applaud you having the gumption to write about these remarkable times. Most cannot, or will not.
With all that's going on, I find it difficult to focus primarily on puppies, love, sunshine, loneliness, and drug addiction. The times are in our face.............love what you are doing!!!
GREAT job.
-Tom
-
Fabulous and thought-provoking.
I must apologise to anyone who’s had the misfortune to talk to me when I’ve stumbled back into addressing these issues...as I seem to have become really tiresome about it all. The Friday zoom call is probably a case in point...although I do try not to keep getting drawn back into it...and try to be vague about it...as I suspect it gets on peoples nerves.
We’re sleepwalking into tyranny. Worse than that...we have been suckered into cheerleading the onset of that tyranny by believing that it’s being done for our own good. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach...but I gave up banging my head against the wall quite a while back.
I just need to shut up about it and enjoy whatever time I have left on planet earth. In all of my years railing against this, that and the other...I don’t think I’ve been able to convince anyone that there’s been anything untoward taking place. I don’t think the ducks are all quite in a row yet...so there’s still a little bit of hope. I’m not really religious, but I’ve been much more inclined that way lately, and say my prayers from time to time. Because what seems to be coming is of biblical proportions.
At the very onset of this, I said to a few people that I thought this was the controlled demolition of western civilisation. I wasn’t being 100% serious...but I am now.
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Lots of variation in the arrangement which is very important I think to keep the listener's attention. Maybe the verses lack melodic variation/dynamics a bit. I read the lyrics first then listen to the song. I found that maybe because of the duo vocals along the way I couldn't grasp the lyrics if I hadn't read them first. As for the lyrics, well the elephant's getting bigger, some say he's not there at all...
-
What an incredible piece of music @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) There is so much going on here. It must have taken you ages to put this together. So much to take in, it takes a few listens to appreciate everything that is going on. Some lovely tempo and and key changes and thought provoking lyrics. Superb
-
This is great. A lot of stuff weaving in and out which I really like. It kind of reminds me of something but I can't put my finger on it. Excellent lyrics which are very appropriate right now. :)
-
Hey @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - how lovely to hear something new from you.. And as always it's a feast for my ears.. great lyrics.. really interesting topic to tackle..
Great movement through the whole piece.. almost a number of songs in one but knitted together beautifully..
I know I'll be giving it more listens and will continue to spot stuff I missed the first few times..
Great stuff CS!!! Love it...
K
-
Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947),
Your writing never fails to disappoint,
there are so many musical styles coming together to make this happen. Despite all of the contrasting elements that are evident here, I always look for melody. I enjoy the subtle acoustic guitar parts and think that your vocal is often a joy. This is never more evident than the hummed sections that I find to be an absolute delight.
Paul
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
Oh this is so clever and inspired! Beautifully written and arranged- it's dense and full of ideas but never too fussy. This must have taken bleedin' ages! Your sound and approach is totally unique and I really look forward to hearing your songs. I think this song is maybe a little more direct and muscular than some of your previous work which is perfect with the subject matter - tell it like it is.
Loved it as always
M
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
Hi Suzy, certainly a lyric in tune with the times.Very well written and executed. Made me think of Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane. You sang it really well, enjoyed it!
Cheers
Jamie
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) a really complex and engaging listen! Some very clever lyrics, love ‘trump card’s in the attic’ part and the way it the whole thing cranks up at that point... I love the layered vocal treatment, and the hummed hook.... great production overall too👌
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) I agree with the comment regarding Grace Slick. Lots going on here musically and some thought provoking lyrics.
A couple of minor suggestions : the "Conspiracy Theory ...." spoken lines could be slightly lower volume ( maybe just my headphones). Also, the drums are a little uneven in places. However, those are very minor ( and probably just personal) nits.
Nice work, Kevin
-
Well done
very clear and lucid lyrically
Not quite as decorative as your other tracks
still nice to hear your take on these times
thanks for sharing
thanks for having a listen and taking the time to leave a comment @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219). I purposely kept this one low key arrangement wise, so that the lyrics were the highlight...
Hi crystalsuzy...........this is very relative to our times. I applaud you having the gumption to write about these remarkable times. Most cannot, or will not.
With all that's going on, I find it difficult to focus primarily on puppies, love, sunshine, loneliness, and drug addiction. The times are in our face.............love what you are doing!!!
GREAT job.
-Tom
thanks for the thumbs up on the subject matter Tom. To be honest, I don't know what to believe these days, but I feel compelled to write about it anyway. Who knows what the truth really is and I know what you mean about it being hard to focus even on the simple things in life(not that loneliness and addiction are simple!). Thanks again for your kind comments.
-
Very interesting stuff and well up to your usual productions. Great harmonies and I especially liked it when you hit the high notes.
I am sure we'll never know what is true and what not, but the point is not to believe anything without some critical thought which is very easy for many to forget.
-
Fabulous and thought-provoking.
I must apologise to anyone who’s had the misfortune to talk to me when I’ve stumbled back into addressing these issues...as I seem to have become really tiresome about it all. The Friday zoom call is probably a case in point...although I do try not to keep getting drawn back into it...and try to be vague about it...as I suspect it gets on peoples nerves.
We’re sleepwalking into tyranny. Worse than that...we have been suckered into cheerleading the onset of that tyranny by believing that it’s being done for our own good. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach...but I gave up banging my head against the wall quite a while back.
I just need to shut up about it and enjoy whatever time I have left on planet earth. In all of my years railing against this, that and the other...I don’t think I’ve been able to convince anyone that there’s been anything untoward taking place. I don’t think the ducks are all quite in a row yet...so there’s still a little bit of hope. I’m not really religious, but I’ve been much more inclined that way lately, and say my prayers from time to time. Because what seems to be coming is of biblical proportions.
At the very onset of this, I said to a few people that I thought this was the controlled demolition of western civilisation. I wasn’t being 100% serious...but I am now.
Thanks and I hear you Paul. I'm praying that my worst fears will be just that, and will not come to fruition. I'm also glad that I'm nearer to the end of my life than the beginning, and that I have lived a good one. I'm very sorry for my children and grand-children and all the younger humans that may be stuck in, what may be in a world with little freedom, but as you say, maybe the ducks aren't all quite in a row yet. I never give up hope that enough people will awaken consciously to change this course. Be happy Paul.
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Lots of variation in the arrangement which is very important I think to keep the listener's attention. Maybe the verses lack melodic variation/dynamics a bit. I read the lyrics first then listen to the song. I found that maybe because of the duo vocals along the way I couldn't grasp the lyrics if I hadn't read them first. As for the lyrics, well the elephant's getting bigger, some say he's not there at all...
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments @sweeny500 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22758) . I think you're right, so I have taken them into consideration and I'm working on the verse melody and trying to make the lyrics easier to understand(most important in this song). I think maybe there is too much reverb(if that's possible) Lol! I hope you'll take a listen to the new version when I post it.
-
This is great stuff @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
The production is crystal clear ('scuse the pun), which really helps the song "connect"
I think your writing has a wonderful "Danny Elfman" type vibe and this song would not sound out of place on the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory soundtrack)
I think the "tom tom" drum rhythm works particularly well and I would have liked to have heard more of these as they "fill out" the track perfectly
-
What an incredible piece of music @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) There is so much going on here. It must have taken you ages to put this together. So much to take in, it takes a few listens to appreciate everything that is going on. Some lovely tempo and and key changes and thought provoking lyrics. Superb
thanks so much John, means a lot coming from you. I've done a new version with more melody in the verses. Love to know what you think.
This is great. A lot of stuff weaving in and out which I really like. It kind of reminds me of something but I can't put my finger on it. Excellent lyrics which are very appropriate right now. If you get a chance let me know what you think of the new version :)
Thanks Chris...did you ever think of what it reminded you of? thanks for the thumbs up of the lyrics...most important in this song. Love to hear what you think of the new version.
Hey @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - how lovely to hear something new from you.. And as always it's a feast for my ears.. great lyrics.. really interesting topic to tackle..
Great movement through the whole piece.. almost a number of songs in one but knitted together beautifully..
I know I'll be giving it more listens and will continue to spot stuff I missed the first few times..
Great stuff CS!!! Love it...
K
thanks so much K. It did take some time to put this together and I know it probably sounds like more than one song going on, but that's quite often what happens in my songs. Love to know what you think of the new version.
Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947),
Your writing never fails to disappoint,
there are so many musical styles coming together to make this happen. Despite all of the contrasting elements that are evident here, I always look for melody. I enjoy the subtle acoustic guitar parts and think that your vocal is often a joy. This is never more evident than the hummed sections that I find to be an absolute delight.
Paul
thanks so much for you kind comments Paul. I've added little more melody in the verses, so I'm wondering if you like it better than the 1st version.
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
Oh this is so clever and inspired! Beautifully written and arranged- it's dense and full of ideas but never too fussy. This must have taken bleedin' ages! Your sound and approach is totally unique and I really look forward to hearing your songs. I think this song is maybe a little more direct and muscular than some of your previous work which is perfect with the subject matter - tell it like it is.
Loved it as always
M
Thanks for your lovely comments Alan...you are always so supportive. If you get a chance, do you think the new version sounds any better or is it too fussy now?
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
Hi Suzy, certainly a lyric in tune with the times.Very well written and executed. Made me think of Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane. You sang it really well, enjoyed it!
Cheers
Jamie
Thanks much-ly Jamie. Ya, it's definitely a lyrically timely piece...I always feel compelled to write about stuff like this. You're right, it does have that 'White Rabbit' kind of vibe...drums I guess. Do you think the new version is any better?
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) a really complex and engaging listen! Some very clever lyrics, love ‘trump card’s in the attic’ part and the way it the whole thing cranks up at that point... I love the layered vocal treatment, and the hummed hook.... great production overall too👌
thanks so much MMM. I appreciate your supportive comments. I love the upbeat sections as well. If you get a chance let me kno what you think of the new version.
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) I agree with the comment regarding Grace Slick. Lots going on here musically and some thought provoking lyrics.
A couple of minor suggestions : the "Conspiracy Theory ...." spoken lines could be slightly lower volume ( maybe just my headphones). Also, the drums are a little uneven in places. However, those are very minor ( and probably just personal) nits.
Nice work, Kevin
Thanks Kevin. I've lowered the volume of the spoken bits and added more melody in the verses so let me know if it sounds any better. Not sure where the drums aren't quite on...can you let me know? thanks
Very interesting stuff and well up to your usual productions. Great harmonies and I especially liked it when you hit the high notes.
I am sure we'll never know what is true and what not, but the point is not to believe anything without some critical thought which is very easy for many to forget.
thanks for your kind comments Adam. Glad you liked the harmonies and you're right, we'll probably never know for sure whats true or not, but I do like to explore all the aspects, in a questioning way. If you get a chance let me know what you think of the new version. Thanks
-
Hi guys,
Sorry to bump this song, but I'd really like to get a little feedback on the new version, to know if anyone thinks it's any better than the first ::)
Thanks for taking a quick listen :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-great-reset-or-conspiracy-theory
-
Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) I took a listen to the new version - It sounds more of a slick production now to me - A fab song :)
-
that's right up there with your best
I do prefer this version to the previous
Very imaginative and articulate.
Well done!!
-
This is great stuff @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
The production is crystal clear ('scuse the pun), which really helps the song "connect"
I think your writing has a wonderful "Danny Elfman" type vibe and this song would not sound out of place on the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory soundtrack)
I think the "tom tom" drum rhythm works particularly well and I would have liked to have heard more of these as they "fill out" the track perfectly
Thanks so much Boydie, I'm glad you liked the song and I love the 'Danny Elfman" vibe comparison. I also like your idea of adding more of the tom toms to fill it out. If you get a chance, let me know what you think of the new version. Thanks again, CS
-
Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) I took a listen to the new version - It sounds more of a slick production now to me - A fab song :)
Thanks John, I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to the new version and that you think it sounds slicker.
-
Really great work, so much to take in.
Some of the lyrics occasional feel a bit direct for me but then you drop a great line like "Home of the Afraid". I love the interjections in the production, dragging the focus back to the message. Giving multiple points of view to direct the listener towards what you are saying.
The vocal effects and speaking sections are all really well done. Just an amazing collage of sounds, words and melody. I love the freedom you show, to get the message over.
-
Hola @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
the rhythm of your song invites the group to march singing those words so clear and full of reaction.
I have tried to listen to your other version but it is not possible, the link does not work.
Mora