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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on February 26, 2021, 12:43:53 PM

Title: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on February 26, 2021, 12:43:53 PM
Well I wrote this quite quickly
It seems to be a love song of sorts, inspired by m'lady

constructive Feedback would be nice, destructive feedback would be something else entirely. lol.

link

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/deeper-funk-of-blue

lyrics



deeper funk of blue
 


honey, you've got that voodoo
'can hardly take my eyes off o' you
'feeling like I could move a mountain
with y' here in this deeper funk of blue

it's funny you just say the word
the ticking of the clock does sound absurd
I can finally hear the voice of nature
asking me if I would have the nerve
giving all I get both night and day
working up a sweat to throw it away
 
promise me you'll never be dishonest
ev'ry distance bridged with your promise
left without I wear the crown of doubt
no schoolin' is foolin' me to want this
brighter lights are found in darker nights
let the fall precede the greater heights

here in this deeper
funk of blue


Rightly

________________
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: montydog on February 26, 2021, 03:47:29 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) this has a weird other worldly quality to it. It's a bit like hearing a song in a dream. I think the arrangement is brilliant - just about the best you've produced. Your distinctive vocal is a perfect combination with the music - kind of magical, actually. Excellent, cliche free lyrics to top it off. In all, a rather wonderful thing.
M
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: man made material on February 26, 2021, 06:47:53 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)  this has a brilliant hazy otherworldly vibe, and yet still melodic, really well balanced production... for me the stars are the brilliant skittering drums that scurry around underneath the melody... I love those, how did you achieve that effect? Very nice sir👍
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: pompeyjazz on February 26, 2021, 06:57:43 PM
Brilliant Arrangement and execution @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Sometimes excess reverb doesn't work but it's absolutely perfect for this song. I love what the drums are doing as well. The melody is fairly conventional but there's nothing else conventional about this one. Very clever and original
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: Wicked Deeds on February 26, 2021, 07:07:00 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219),

Good selection of instruments for this production.  I’d lift the flute to be more prominent as I think it has potential to be a great feature.  The drums are really cool and I like how they rattle around the soundscape that you have created.  Perhaps it would be good to write a contrasting section to steer this home.  An enjoyable listen for me. 

Paul
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: Maya Clars on February 26, 2021, 07:19:40 PM
Your voice is perfect for this song! Interesting melody.
In some parts it seems to me that there is too much echo in the vocal.

Maya
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on February 27, 2021, 08:05:08 AM
Quote from: Maya Clars on February 26, 2021, 07:19:40 PM
Your voice is perfect for this song! Interesting melody.
In some parts it seems to me that there is too much echo in the vocal.

Maya

@Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624)

hi
My voice is perfect for a lot of the songs I do.
it's strange, people make this observation quite a bit in a few diverse songs of mine.
On a previous version I had more reverb on the vocal and I could barely notice.
A friend pointed this out and I reduced the reverb. So I think you might be right enough, and I'll look into that. Thanks for your comment!!
 
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on February 27, 2021, 08:07:13 AM
Quote from: Wicked Deeds on February 26, 2021, 07:07:00 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219),

Good selection of instruments for this production.  I’d lift the flute to be more prominent as I think it has potential to be a great feature.  The drums are really cool and I like how they rattle around the soundscape that you have created.  Perhaps it would be good to write a contrasting section to steer this home.  An enjoyable listen for me. 

Paul

Thanks Paul
good point, I think I'll try making the flute more prominent in places.
but I don't think I'll try any more essential changes.
Thanks for the feedback!
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: kevysc on February 27, 2021, 01:54:28 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) one of your more straightforward songs/ melodies, I really like it. It has a certain mournful charm and I think it's a harp(?) that really helps to propel it along.

I am not a big fan of bridges, but I think one might work here to give a little variation?

Either way, lovely composition.

Kevin
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on February 28, 2021, 07:18:41 PM
hi @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Glad you like the song
it was done fairly quickly

I'll not go with a bridge this time
but thanks for the tip

Oh yes, it's a harp
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: sweeny500 on February 28, 2021, 08:34:25 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This is the kind of song where you only have to hear it once and it is in there in your memory bank, it's so unique. The vocals, well if Roy Orbison and David Bowie had a love-child.... Loved it especially cuz it's like no other.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: crystalsuzy on March 01, 2021, 12:42:12 AM
I have to agree with 'other worldly' and yet it's so down to earth lyrically :) Nice to hear a 'kind of love' song from you.
Y'lady must have been swooned :-* I love the unconventionality of your pieces and this one doesn't disappoint 8)
There's lots going on in this track and every listen I hear more  8)   The scatter-y drums really add another dimension
and the flute is lovely(could be a little louder) Beautiful creation @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)  :) 
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: MonnoDB on March 01, 2021, 09:11:36 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - is that a harp? (bizarrely I'm just about to post a song with a harp in it...  what are the odds.. weird!!)..

Great lyrics.. the arrangement is wonderful.. someone said mournful.. I agree although of course your words are not.. It's quite uplifting in an unconventional way. I really like the vocal melody as well..  I also really like the flute..

A very enjoyable listen. My favourite of yours so far (I'm sure I'll say that again as I have before).

Wonderful!

K
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on March 02, 2021, 09:02:51 AM
Quote from: MonnoDB on March 01, 2021, 09:11:36 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - is that a harp? (bizarrely I'm just about to post a song with a harp in it...  what are the odds.. weird!!)..

Great lyrics.. the arrangement is wonderful.. someone said mournful.. I agree although of course your words are not.. It's quite uplifting in an unconventional way. I really like the vocal melody as well..  I also really like the flute..

A very enjoyable listen. My favourite of yours so far (I'm sure I'll say that again as I have before).

Wonderful!

K

Thank you @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Ill  Look into making the flute more prominent
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: MichaelA on March 03, 2021, 08:31:47 AM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) , that’s quite an alternative ballad, almost anthemic with its distinctive melody. The instrumentation is great, but yeah the heroes need to be turned up in the breaks.

That couplet beginning ‘brighter lights are found...’ to me establishes itself immediately as the chorus. Being more conventional than you I would have used that two or three times in the song. But you are you! 😀

Really like this one, great atmosphere and easily remembered too.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: Jamie on March 03, 2021, 02:46:41 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

Hi, this is one of your more conventional arrangements and constructions, but that doesn't mean its conventional. ;). I liked the instrumentation and the drums, it all hangs together very nicely. Unambiguously you, and all the better for that!

Nice one!

Cheers

Jamie
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on March 04, 2021, 04:38:01 PM
Quote from: MichaelA on March 03, 2021, 08:31:47 AM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) , that’s quite an alternative ballad, almost anthemic with its distinctive melody. The instrumentation is great, but yeah the heroes need to be turned up in the breaks.

That couplet beginning ‘brighter lights are found...’ to me establishes itself immediately as the chorus. Being more conventional than you I would have used that two or three times in the song. But you are you! 😀

Really like this one, great atmosphere and easily remembered too.

thanks @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
I'm not looking to improve the arrangement
I didn't want the pop song arrangement, or anything in that direction.
Still I appreciate your suggestion and took it into consideration,

Thanks for commenting
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: CaliaMoko on March 04, 2021, 06:19:25 PM
I don't have any criticism, destructive or constructive. I like it the way it is. I'll get in line with those who like the level of echo you have. In my opinion, it suits it.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: adamfarr on March 05, 2021, 04:17:17 PM
Very nice backing - gives the impression of a musical box going round...
I think this could be done with a dry intimate vocal (ala Leonard Cohen??) for a confessional style, or with the vocal processing you go for - a more helpless style. It's all good - which must mean it's a good song. I always like your more melodic pieces and this is one of those.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: Unclenny on March 05, 2021, 07:41:43 PM
Wait! You didn't want a pop song??!!  8)

You keep taking what you do to new levels....and what you do is so perfectly unique. I agree completely with @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) about the excellent and bold use of reverb on these vocals.

I also agree with @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) about the wonderful juxtaposition between the otherwoldy feel of the song and the distinctly down to earth lyrics.

This is a good one for you....up there among your best.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: The Holographic Rodeo on March 05, 2021, 08:37:36 PM
Great distinctive melody, and brilliant vocal performance. Really enjoyed this.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on March 06, 2021, 12:05:40 PM
Quote from: Unclenny on March 05, 2021, 07:41:43 PM
Wait! You didn't want a pop song??!!  8)

You keep taking what you do to new levels....and what you do is so perfectly unique. I agree completely with @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) about the excellent and bold use of reverb on these vocals.

I also agree with @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) about the wonderful juxtaposition between the otherwoldy feel of the song and the distinctly down to earth lyrics.

This is a good one for you....up there among your best.

I wasn't at all sure about the reverb
I think my might have taken to vocals a little too early
With emotion I tend to forget the predetermined n' go off a bit.
I really do like the song though, it's a blast on acoustic.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: PaulAds on March 07, 2021, 05:50:09 PM
Yikes...another harp!

Superb use of words. You perhaps use paper and pen, but you should really consider replacing those with a hammer+chisel and tablets of stone just in case there's a fire or something on RightlyStrasse.

Excellent!

Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on March 08, 2021, 08:57:55 AM
Quote from: PaulAds on March 07, 2021, 05:50:09 PM
Yikes...another harp!

Superb use of words. You perhaps use paper and pen, but you should really consider replacing those with a hammer+chisel and tablets of stone just in case there's a fire or something on RightlyStrasse.

Excellent!




lol. I'm actually worried about losing material, my laptop misbehaves a good bit.
I need to get around to making back ups

Thanks for commenting paul!
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: IronKnee on March 14, 2021, 01:07:52 AM
I tell you what.............there is an inner Dylon in your words. Your writing is distinct, different, and on the edge of something always very profound. At least, that's the path your lyrics take me.....your melody and singing, arrangements and mixes, support that bold claim of yours.
Keeps me tuning in!!
Good stuff!
                                 -Tom
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: fischermans on March 14, 2021, 06:24:20 PM
Hello Rightly like the way you sing this and how you use very sparingly some instruments to build a own atmosphere to your song. Well done.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: Unclenny on March 14, 2021, 08:18:58 PM
I'm back for a replay of this classic Rightly tune. The way you string your thoughts together into lyrics always makes me listen even more closely.
Title: Re: deeper funk of blue
Post by: rightly on March 15, 2021, 04:13:59 PM
Quote from: IronKnee on March 14, 2021, 01:07:52 AM
I tell you what.............there is an inner Dylon in your words. Your writing is distinct, different, and on the edge of something always very profound. At least, that's the path your lyrics take me.....your melody and singing, arrangements and mixes, support that bold claim of yours.
Keeps me tuning in!!
Good stuff!
                                 -Tom

hey Tom
I'm really glad you like the song, and I appreciate you expressing your thoughts.
but I really don't know if I made a bold claim of late,
I'm not saying I didn't, just can't remember making a bold claim.