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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: moraamarolaloba on January 13, 2021, 01:12:45 PM
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The theme of this song is unusual I think on song forums but why not talk about it?
Maybe many dislike it and go over my song as if they hadn't heard it but I think that above all it is a song, with its musical structure and lyrics that I have tried to poeticize to the maximum to soften the story.
now more than ever we are aware of the importance of the moment and that the future is an invention, something that does not exist but that despite this we build and on that invented construction, we continue to build ourselves.
I would like you to tell me what you think about it. There are other countries where this issue is treated differently but not here, and I don't like it at all ..... Hmmm, will I have to emigrate? hahaha Qué bueno es el humor!!!
Stay safe
When I'll die
my love
do not tell anyone x2
I don't want they comb my hair
or paint my lips
and make up
my face
and make up
my face
Don't let they put me in a coffin
I couldn't call you
if i wake up x2
Take me in your car
to the forest
where lives the tree wearing our names
and leave me sitting
under its branches
and leave me sitting
under its branches
Just
put
a coat on me
to have no cold
while
Time
erases me,
while Time erases me
the red one
that gives so much life
to the paleness
of my eyes
to the palness
of my eyes
And when you'll go
I will become a rose
that has to discover
how not to be
missing you
how not to be
missing youuuuuuuuu
Just
put
a coat on me
to have no cold
while
Time
erases me,
while Time erases me
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233),
Once again, a thought provoking subject that you have embraced in song. The musical accompaniment gives this real power. I believe the soul goes on and on through many lives as we experience and learn. Your beautiful existence is a wonderful and welcome voice that we are all fortunate to hear on this forum.
Paul
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
I often think you could write a book based on each of your songs or a film such is the originality you bring to your lyrics and musical settings. The use of sound textures is once again full of invention, beauty and intrigue. You have a distinctive sound but you are not constricted by it. It's a lovely thing and we are very fortunate to have you on the forum.
M
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Hola @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Paul, I think same as you about life, a never ending school!! Thank you very much for your thought.
Stay safe Paul
Mora
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Amazing hypnotic track! Some of these lyrics are stunning...
‘ Just
put
a coat on me
to have no cold
while
Time
erases me,’
This is just brilliant, I can’t quite describe how I feel, it absolutely resonates with me, sends a tingle up my spine... powerful, powerful stuff👌👌👌
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Excellent once again @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Yet again you let your imagination run riot. Some lovely avant garde ideas. Great structure and atmospherics. You have a great portfolio of work :)
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
I often think you could write a book based on each of your songs or a film such is the originality you bring to your lyrics and musical settings. The use of sound textures is once again full of invention, beauty and intrigue. You have a distinctive sound but you are not constricted by it. It's a lovely thing and we are very fortunate to have you on the forum.
M
Qué bien @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
You give me energy, as the vitamins hahaha
Thank you very much and stay safe.
Mora
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, the idea behind this lyric is brilliant. The simplicity of the idea is so powerful and evocative because it takes a fundamental of life and paints a picture with so many ideas that you don't have to over tell the story.....brilliant. Also you have a recognisable sound which fits in a very artistic way with the words.
Fantastic
Cheers
Jamie
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Hello @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233), this is very powerful with some punchy lyrics, notably the repetition of ‘while time erases me’. Being left to rot in the woods kind of saves on funeral expenses too, and who wants to go in a coffin anyway? Not me! I will take the red coat any day, much more pleasant. 😀
Joking apart, the music and lyrics are very dramatic and artistic. I like how the manic guitar builds the tension towards the end. Very moving track 👍
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Amazing hypnotic track! Some of these lyrics are stunning...
‘ Just
put
a coat on me
to have no cold
while
Time
erases me,’
This is just brilliant, I can’t quite describe how I feel, it absolutely resonates with me, sends a tingle up my spine... powerful, powerful stuff👌👌👌
Wow!! Thank you, me too I like this, I think they get inside you!
Stay safe
Mora
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Hey @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) . There’s always so much meaning and art in an around your songs from the few that I have heard. I like this and appreciate tackling these difficult but ultimately interesting subjects. For me the issue is we are never quite satisfied (however amazingly good or bad it becomes) in the present moment and this is why we are always leaning into our own imaginative constructions of the future and ultimately fear our mortality perhaps more than we need to. Nice presntation and musicianship here, and a thought-provoking piece.
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An existential masterpiece! amazing lyrics and super video, loved the guitar break at the end..smiled all the way through this song, an eclectic talent for sure..loved it!
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A hypnotizing, "breathing" melody.
It seems that someone or something is slowly inhaling and exhaling. Sometimes It tends to associate with a soul that is flying fast above an endless forest and on a dark night.
The melody goes smooth with the atmosphere of your voice.
"while Time erases me" sounds scary. It reminds me of the drawing "Melting Watch" 1954, by Salvador Dali.
Your melody is beautiful and original.
Maya
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Excellent once again @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Yet again you let your imagination run riot. Some lovely avant garde ideas. Great structure and atmospherics. You have a great portfolio of work :)
Hola @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Thank you very much, I think here in the forum we all have a great portfolio of work.
Stay safe!!!
Mora
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If art is for transmitting emotions among us, then this can be a song to listen to and an expression of something that you want others to hear (and some will hear it).
I think a lot of harm is done in life by trying to ignore or sanitize death - it's so interesting (and not uncomfortable at all) to hear a strong view on this and what should happen. The coat and the rose stand out as images and it's impossible not to think about what's being said.
There are a couple of non-standard English expressions here (which, if you care about them, we can talk about some other time) but the meaning is clear and the artistry is real.