The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on January 06, 2021, 05:24:25 PM
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Hi all, been away for a bit contemplating my navel. Now that all the partying and socialising over the holidays is finished ::) I can get back to stuff! Let's hope 2021 is going to be better, but the current signs aren't too great......
Got a bit lost doing this one, but finally got round to finishing it. Look forward to your usual informative and constructive criticism!
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/is-there-a-noise-in-your-head
(Is there?) A noise in your head
When alarm bell are ringing, is there a noise in your head
If your head jar keep spinning, are you better off dead
You feel the weight of despair, as it's crushing you
It's like you're trapped in a cage, can't see a way through
There's cathode ray blinking, is there a noise in your head
And with a gun in your hand, are you better off dead
That's the fall of their footsteps, still following you
Hear the sound of ice cracking, so cold and so blue
You spent all these years so close to the edge
What if you fall as you stand on the ledge
So what else can you prove when, there's a noise in your head
And what else can you do when, you're better of dead
Everything that you touch turns cotton wool into stone
you're on a runaway train, and you're on your own
You spent all these years so close to the edge
What if you fall as you stand on the ledge
And why does it have to be so intense
Who else can see what you're up against
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Really cool sounds and production on this, like the melody and there’s some great drum fills, you’ve got some great range on your vocals👌 I think if you could do some treatment (chorus or double tracking?) on the vocals in the ‘ You spent all these years so close to the edge’ part, it will really help it pop and stand out as the main hook, then that’ll just finish it off👌
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Long time no hear so it's nice to see something new from you. I agree with MMM, some double tracked or harmony vocals would help with the hook. I like the musical stage that you've set here and your vocals and arrangement are well up to your usual standards. I'm not sure what the song is about and the melody is a little unadventurous but that said, it's still a quality piece of work.
M
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Very good song, full of rhythm and great lyrics. I enjoyed the entire box!!!! The FX has a really special atmosphere...
May be the mix has too much high? or there is my headphones??
Very good track.
Mora
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I really like this one Jamie.
Good hook and you revisit it just the right number of times for my liking.
Awesome vocals and the synth creates a dreamy soundscape that washes over me.
Do you plan all those dischordant notes in the synth or just dial them up?
No matter - it works great anyway :D
Paul
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I can't fault this. It's really catchy with some great synth sounds which make it very atmospheric. I like the electronic stuff but I also like that you've gone for a real sounding kit which drives it along nicely. Excellent :)
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Fabulous @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) More pop rock than prog rock this time. I was waiting for that switch into 7/8 timing. Seriously though, great catchy tune with super melody and great playing. A very enjoyable listen
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I love the way this tune washes through me ....listening on good headphones. It's an excellent noise in my head.
I like where the vocals are in the mix a lot.
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Great track - love the sound of that distorted bass, and the tension between the bright and upbeat vocal sound and melody vs the darkness of the lyrical content. Good production overall, though I feel like the vocals could do with sticking out from the mix just a tiny bit more, though that could be just a taste thing.
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I never hear anything less than excellence from you, Jamie...you're still knocking out these top tunes month after month, year after year...every one is unique and yet they still somehow feel like I'm bumping into an old friend...which in a way, I am :)
Loved following the storyline...and I thought the soundscape was really brilliant! Vocals ice the cake as well...so much so, I had to go back and have another slice!
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Hi all thanks for taking the time to listen!
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
Hi, I took a lot of time over the production on this one, more than usual, especially on the vocals and drums. There is some double tracking on the vocals and some very subtle harmonies
,maybe i need to 'beef them up'. Thanks for the comment on the vocals, that's where my range is! Pleased you got something from it!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, Thanks for your kind words. Earlier versions had a more ambitious melody but I dialled it back to 'fit' the song.... :P.
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, glad you enjoyed it! In the instrumental section there are some very high frequencies and I dialled them back a bit, but I wanted the 'edginess' so I didn't take them out, if that's what you mean?
Thanks again!
Cheers
Jamie
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"Hi Mora, glad you enjoyed it! In the instrumental section there are some very high frequencies and I dialled them back a bit, but I wanted the 'edginess' so I didn't take them out, if that's what you mean?"
Sí @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) that is what I mean.
Cheers
Mora
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
I instantly like those keys set against the driving bass. It feels as if this is awash with reverb as an listen through my headphones. Great at times but I would use effects sparingly despite the ambience that's they can create. Loving the section 'You spend all the years".
Much to like here Andy good to see you back on the forum.
Paul
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Hi Jamie, seems quite a while since we heard one of yours. The bass line really motors this from the start and it’s far more poppy than I thought it would be, albeit darker pop. I think you could add something to the chorus with a minor tweak to vocals, either harmonies, octave vocal or even shadowing the vocal with a synth - only because the verse is so well layered you need a bigger punch maybe in the chorus. But lots of imagination in your instrumental progressions and choice of sounds, really nice to hear that Jamie magic once again :D
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Hi, thanks for listening!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, what discordant notes..... ;D? I rarely use 'standard' major and minor chords, there are usually a smattering of 11ths/13ths/flat 5ths, major 9ths etc etc. I think the most complex sounds are in the instrumental part where I sang through various guitar effects and pedals to get the sound. I think it's quite atmospheric :P. Glad you enjoyed it!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723)
Hi, glad you got the atmosphere, and I did spend quite a lot more time than usual getting drum sounds that contrasted with the synth sounds. Thanks for the comments, it's appreciated!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, Yes, was looking for a simpler sound this time, no big key changes or complex time signatures! Glad you enjoyed it!
Cheers guys
Jamie
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Hi Thanks for listening!
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Hi, glad you mentioned the vocals I spent a lot of time on them, more than usual. Please it got 'into' your head!
@Holographic Rodeo
Hi, Great comments, thanks glad you got something from it!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, me old mate! ;) Good to hear from you! Fab comments, have a another slice.....its free ;) Glad you enjoyed it.
Cheers guys
Jamie
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One of your best I think....
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You sure can *do* stuff. I only noticed one thing I might suggest. The first verse has this line: "You feel the weight of despair, as it's crushing you". I was expecting to hear the word "crushing" emphasized because, you know, the WEIGHT of despair knocked it down so hard.... As someone mentioned, your voice sounded a little buried in the mix, but it was still easy to hear you. Mostly I feel like I shouldn't criticize at all because it's so much better than anything I could put together on my own.
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Hi Jamie - this great and really poppy - I can hear some more “indie” style elements here too especially in the bass and guitars which I really like. Love the jump up to the final note of the verse, great choice. The “non-guitar solo” is cool too, a great contrast from the busier verses. Excellent all through!
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Like it, reminds me of OMD, nice production and whimsical feel to the vocals.
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
Hi Kevin, thank you It's appreciated.
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)
Hi Vicki, every days a school day. I'm learning every time I sit down to record something, mostly trial and error (more error), and of course some great tips and ideas from the recording ninjas on this forum! Just keep at it, it's the only way to improve. Take the points about lyrics and vocal mix, as I said, still learning!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, yes there is a touch of pop in there, unusual for me to be slightly upbeat and optimistic ;), although the lyrics are still dark ;D. Thanks for listening!
@Sullish (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=10068)
Hi, I get the OMD thing, thanks for the comment on the production, glad you got something from it!
Cheers
Jamie
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Thanks for making a cool noise in my ears!
I thought the track was great all round - although I wasn't paying much attention to the lyrics. Nicely produced, bags of feel and groove, and a really credible vocal melody with a performance to match.
Just enough movement in the arrangement to hold my interest and signpost the different sections of the song without ever overcrowding it. Always something new happening, but the feeling of space persists throughout.
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@tone (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=1)
Hi, it was my pleasure, lovely comments, although my thin skin bristled at 'credible' melody ;) ;D. Cool comments, appreciated!
Cheers
Jamie
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my thin skin bristled at 'credible' melody ;) ;D.
Ah sorry! It probably wasn't a brilliant choice of words, but it was absolutely intended as a compliment. It's a good and appropriate melody for the genre and the lyrics. I enjoyed it! :)
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excellent production
and a relatable theme
like those effects
Nice work!
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Interesting melody. Great vocals.
I would lessen the stereo in the intro, just a little bit.
I also noticed that if I listen with headphones, I feel dizzy because of the panning. :)
Maya
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Great soundscape.. particularly like those synths... and the instrumental break.. Polished and interesting as always.. Another vote for some harms on the chorus - not that it's not fab as is, but I think that would make it moreso... Love how you take it out..
Great to hear a new one from you @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
K
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I love the atmosphere that you created. The sound is great.
Your vocal reminds me of Pete Townsend (The Who). Pretty cool.
Good song, Jamie.......
-T
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I enjoyed this song very much! Love the way the melody progresses, especially when "you're on your own" very nice and special. I agree with some of the other people who have posted. The synth layering is great, but there may be some buildup in the 2-8k range which (for me) makes the vocals hard to discern at some points. But overall this is sounding just great!
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Like the sounds of synth & the chords are originals, and the vocals melody is cool.
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Love the production and some nice unexpected chord / melody changes keep the interest. Great bridge and fade out at the end, powerful stuff !
Kevin
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Hi all thanks for listening, its appreciated!
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi, thank you sir for your kind comments!
@Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624)
Hi, thanks for the kind words on the singing, its my biggest weakness, but I try! Sorry to make you feel sick ;).
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, youre too kind, glad you enjoyed it, don't worry there are more harmonies on the next one, which will shortly see the light of day!
Cheers guys!
Jamie
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Hi, thanks for listening!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
Hi, Pete Townsend, thats a first! 8) Always looking for new sounds and atmospheres so I'm pleased you mentioned that!
@TSOTS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22744)
Hi,glad you enjoyed it! I'll take you comments and add them to my bank of helpful suggestions I've received from other forumites. It's always helpful if you get a specific like that!
@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi Cecile, glad you enjoyed it great comments!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi, thanks for the kind comments, its always appreciated!
Cheers
Jamie
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Jamie,
Hi great to see and hear you on Friday.
Like the slightly discombobulating synths wombling around over you energetic mid tempo beat. Goes with the theme.
My only suggestion is that the vocals are slightly buried in the mix and could be a tad higher especially on the chorus imho
:-)
neil