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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: man made material on November 20, 2020, 03:47:51 PM

Title: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 20, 2020, 03:47:51 PM
So as I mentioned in my introduction, I’m new to this, but it’s time to share some stuff with people who are knowledgeable and passionate about music rather than just friends and family who tend to always be kind in their comments!
As with many others the state of the world and everything that’s going on currently drove me to write something addressing some aspects of that: American politics and its bed fellow corporate business against the backdrop of everything else that’s going on!
Something light to start with then!😁

https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/5YQEsu2FeEWfyTmD7

Lyrics:

I’m being stretched thin
You know it’s true
It’s difficult times
For me and you
Fire, floods and drought
And pestilence
It’s not what you’d call fun
In any sense

Stick you fingers in your ears
And your drill in the ground
Take all you can get
Power dollar and pound
Flesh is a resource
Grind it into the dust
Discard what you don’t need
And leave it to rust

I hope your sweet dreams of power are destroyed by the nightmare of your creation

It’s a terrible shame
That the powerful few
Are only endowed
With a myopic view
Private lives and
Private hells
Equal opportunities
Fend for yourselves

When there’s nothing left to burn
And the ice has gone too
Oceans full of filth
The worst has become true
Take your cash from your account
And you know what to do
Put your money where your mouth is
And have good chew

I hope your sweet dreams of power are destroyed by the nightmare of your creation
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: pompeyjazz on November 20, 2020, 04:20:49 PM
I really liked this @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) I'm getting a strong New Order vibe, especially the hooky bass. Very well put together and the mix sounds pretty good too. I liked your use of space and the hypnotic vibe. Great first submission
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 20, 2020, 04:35:31 PM
Thanks @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , it’s a real step into the unknown posting music up for the first time, so I appreciate the encouragement, I’m pleased you noticed Hooky as the touch point for that bass sound👍
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: rightly on November 20, 2020, 05:34:11 PM
is this electro punk?
loved it
I'm not familiar with this style
quite minimalist with lovely touches in there
great lyrics!!
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 20, 2020, 06:17:11 PM
Thanks @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) , i think I would call my style ‘man fumbling in the dark trying to find his sound’😂
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: moraamarolaloba on November 20, 2020, 09:05:58 PM
Hola @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)

I did not know what I was going to hear, today is when I know your work ... I was surprised by the intro and what follows afterwards ...
I like the daring, the search for new colors and your song has plenty of them although it is a style that I know and with which I identify.

I love the lyrics, I think same...

I like this;

"It’s a terrible shame
That the powerful few
Are only endowed
With a myopic view" hahaha wonderful!

Stay safe!

Mora
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: MonnoDB on November 20, 2020, 11:12:06 PM
Hey @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) - what a cool sound.. reminiscent of DM.. which can never be a bad thing, let's face it..

Interesting lyrics.. great vocal.. Love the spoken words also..

All in all it's the overall sound and vibe that's sucking me right in.. Great song..

Welcome to the forum!

Karen
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 22, 2020, 12:03:00 AM
Thanks @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) and @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) i appreciate the positive comments, yep DM is a big influence on me, I think a bit of them will come out in anything I try to write! And thanks for the welcome - this does seem to be a forum that offers encouragement and support, I’m glad I found it and it feels like a good place to share ideas and opinions!👍
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: Wicked Deeds on November 22, 2020, 09:37:02 AM
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) Very reminiscent of 1980's electronic/synth pop ala Depeche Mode.  I like that, logging into the forum and being bale to enjoy a number of different genres.  As far as I can tell, this works well musically.  I' don't love Tom hear a vocal lift with greater range of melody but understand that's not always possible.  The sounds used are very palleatable and I enjoyed this a great deal.  The lyrics are well written and read very well. No awkward balance of syllables so I can hear that's you have payed a great deal of attention to this area. 

Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum.

Oaul
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: adamfarr on November 23, 2020, 11:32:43 AM
Definitely hearing that New Order vibe here - great lyrics too - "drill in the ground" and "have a good chew" are outstanding.
Backing is simple and quite addictive, very nice work (and welcome by the way!)
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: PeteS on November 23, 2020, 03:45:57 PM
I like this, despite not really being a fan of 80's style music, but this has something else going on, maybe .

Looking forward to hearing what else you have for us!
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 23, 2020, 06:30:08 PM
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) Many thanks for listening and the positive feedback, it really makes a big difference and give me some confidence to keep on trying and hopefully developing! Also thanks for the welcome- this really is a good place and has a vibe of encouragement for all👍 Cheers!
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: Grubstar on November 24, 2020, 03:44:20 PM
Hi @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
Really great 1st offering  very ejoyable, I loved the synth bass that plays throughout the song and I thought your production work was 1st class, especially the space and perception of depth that you achieve.

In terms of improvement suggestions you could maybe introduce some variation in the vocal melody/tone especially on the chorus and maybe build up the drums and percussion as the track progresses, these are obviously only my opinions but I still really liked the track.
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 25, 2020, 07:10:41 PM
Hey @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) thanks for listening and the comments, I’ve still got a lot to learn about production, I only heard of gain staging for the first time this week! 😂 so I’ll definitely be going back into the mix for this, I think your comments regarding variation are valid... it’s definitely something I’ll explore, I’m still at the stage that I’m surprised I made a tune!😂 I need to get past that now and be a bit more patient and detailed 👍
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: CaliaMoko on November 25, 2020, 07:19:59 PM
Really effective repetitive motif. Dystopian feel. Well, not just feel. It's very in your face. "It’s not what you’d call fun / In any sense" Droll understatement. Nice. I like it. Hypnotic.
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 25, 2020, 07:31:58 PM
Thanks @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) I was concerned that line may seem a bit throw-away, but I’m glad the intentional understatement comes across! Phew!👍
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: Kafla on November 26, 2020, 08:54:17 AM
Hi @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) and welcome to the forum  ;)

Human League / Early DM before Gore got heavy metal and Clarke left/ New Order before Hook and Summers had their tiff!

Loving your style indeed...

I really cant suggest any improvements and a massive well done!
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 27, 2020, 08:18:46 AM
@kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) have you been going through my vinyl collection?!😂 I clearly wear my influences on my sleeve! Thanks for listening and the positive comments 👍
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: IronKnee on November 27, 2020, 07:00:37 PM
Interesting sound, you have here.
Very compelling, while this starts to draw me in.......it seems relentless.
Fun stuff!
                            -Tom
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: MichaelA on November 27, 2020, 10:59:22 PM
Hi there, I really enjoyed this. But I heard this kind of thing first time round too. It’s great to hear it again, and done well too.

When you do your next few songs where do you think you will go?

There’s nothing wrong in creating the past if that gives you a buzz.

But with your musical skill and creativity I think I am betting you will be somewhere else in one years time. Same thing has happened to a lot of us on here!  ;D

Keep going!
Title: Re: Pursuit of power
Post by: man made material on November 28, 2020, 08:37:10 PM
Thanks @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) i guess the whole current situation seems relentless!😉
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) i also have no idea what direction I’m going 😂 each song i do at the moment seems to be a different direction, I don’t know if I’ve found my style yet... everything I do does seems to be influenced by 80s sounds in some way... it’s an adventure though!👍