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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on November 16, 2020, 06:46:36 PM

Title: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: rightly on November 16, 2020, 06:46:36 PM
Frustration with
soul sucking employment
Well - greater men have died for less  ???

the link

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/one-more-paper-cut

the lyrics


One More Paper-Cut


thank you, Rightly, ever so much
we know you'll come into your own some day
my friend, there really is no need to rush
`til then here is another paper-cut

the backward climb upon the crooked stair
are you sure it's no more than a game?
when no-one feels compelled to play it fair
the vict'ry goes to those who do not care

from gentle spirit to that ever lovin' touch
there is always one more paper-cut

the final hour of unpaid overtime
just to reach the minimum wage
it will not do to hang your head and cry
fuck this chapter, never mind the page

from the spirit to that ever healing touch
y'should know to keep that back door shut
t'guard against the occasional bad luck

`til then here is one more paper-cut

one more paper-cut

_________

Rightly
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: Unclenny on November 16, 2020, 08:27:14 PM
I have to say that I was sucked right in by the title alone @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) . These lyrics really work for me.....you are a master at creating a story line that demands attention both through the writing and your incredibly unique production style.

I really like that spoken word section.
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: pompeyjazz on November 17, 2020, 08:55:02 PM
Always totally absorbing your songs @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Clever choice of instrumentation and beats. I really enjoyed the spoken word section as well. You continue to be completely original and innovative
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: CaliaMoko on November 18, 2020, 04:21:29 PM
Reminds me of my final years before being laid off--after the organization was "merged" (absorbed by) a larger one and everything became about the money (even though we were a non-profit health care org!). This expresses that frustration perfectly. Thank you!!!
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: moraamarolaloba on November 18, 2020, 04:49:19 PM
Hola @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

I thought I was going to hear a raging song and I have found a song that walks slowly through that game where you go down when you go up.
I like the backing, maybe I would give more volume to the piano but it is also good that the sound that scratches is the one that accompanies the voice.
The abstract does not stop being real when you realize that everything is abstract.
Very pleasant listening, the sigh also has its importance.

Stay safe!!

Mora
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: MonnoDB on November 19, 2020, 11:43:46 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ... as always engaging.. I like the rhythm you've going along (what are you using for that beat?? Interesting and intriguing as always.. Lyrics are great - really tell that story surviving work.. Lyrics are absolutely great as is the title..

Great song!

Karen
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: rightly on November 20, 2020, 05:42:21 PM
Quote from: MonnoDB on November 19, 2020, 11:43:46 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ... as always engaging.. I like the rhythm you've going along (what are you using for that beat?? Interesting and intriguing as always.. Lyrics are great - really tell that story surviving work.. Lyrics are absolutely great as is the title..

Great song!

Karen

Thanks Karen!!

I felt quite deflated when writing this. lol.
it came about quickly.
I'm getting lazy
I keep writing in Am or C. lol.
I quite that job with many negative repercussions, still it was the right and the courageous thing to do.
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: montydog on November 21, 2020, 01:27:12 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Once again you've pulled out another piece of artful songwriting and performing. The lyrics are cynical and bitter which I like - no roses round the door here. You have such a distinctive way of singing and never fail to come up with something original. I thought it was great.
M
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: Wicked Deeds on November 22, 2020, 09:45:49 AM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

"The backward climb upon the crooked stair" is my favourite lyric here.  There's a robotic almost hypnotic quality to this track. It captures the drudgery pertaining to the sitiation conveyed in your lyrics. That robotic couldn't care less attitude verses the very human  dying of a paper cut fantastically captures the frustration that you have successfully vocal conveyed.  Engaging and unique as always.

Well done

Paul
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: adamfarr on November 23, 2020, 11:29:14 AM
Love those lyrics, great images and the paper cut metaphor is a fabulous one.
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: Grubstar on November 24, 2020, 04:29:40 PM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

Another unique and absorbing track from you with very thought provoking lyrics that I can completely relate to regarding the obligation to perform meaningless and soul destroying work in order to make some kind of living. Although not a comfortable listen I like the synth sounds and abstract production in this track and the spoken word section.Rightly you are always an original and worth a listen.
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: Kafla on November 26, 2020, 08:43:40 AM
What can I say @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)...you are an explorer!

This is one of my favs of yours...the electronica is so perfect for this...

The spoken section is AWESOME!!!!

Great lyric as usual...one more papercut is genius...

You have star quality ;)
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: rightly on November 26, 2020, 08:45:18 AM
Quote from: Grubstar on November 24, 2020, 04:29:40 PM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

Another unique and absorbing track from you with very thought provoking lyrics that I can completely relate to regarding the obligation to perform meaningless and soul destroying work in order to make some kind of living. Although not a comfortable listen I like the synth sounds and abstract production in this track and the spoken word section.Rightly you are always an original and worth a listen.
lol
yes the spoken word section
was novel for me
I was quite disheveled when I recorded that
didn't how to go about it
if Cohen can do it then so, by golly, so can Rightly
A very fast write
Title: Re: One More Paper-Cut
Post by: Neil C on December 01, 2020, 06:46:25 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Quietly unsettling, like a stream of consciousness, or a bad trip or an outtake from a film.
Keep furrowing your unique furrow
:-)
neil