The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on November 09, 2020, 01:05:08 AM
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This one started out as a lyrics challenge: Write a song lyric that has a phrase from another language.
So - despite the title, I'm not really going anywhere - but I would appreciate any feedback - good bad or, constructive ;D
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/au-revoir
Au Revoir
Au revoir, mon ami, au revoir
Au revoir to the nights when we set the world on fire
I'll try to get by without your light in my life
Au revoir, mon ami, au revoir
Goodbye my dear friend goodbye
Goodbye to the nights when we laughed until we cried
I'll try to get by without your light in my life
Goodbye my dear friend goodbye
Au revoir, mon ami, au revoir
Au revoir to the times when we set the world on fire
I'll try to survive without your light in my life
Au revoir, mon ami
Au revoir, mon ami
Au revoir, mon ami
Goodbye.
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Ah man, this is just really lovely mate! Great melody, backing and when the Bv’s come in it just goes to another level. Well done for showing restraint with those, I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have just put them everywhere!!😆👍🏻
Great to hear another song from you Paul. I’ve always enjoyed your songs.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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Love those jazzy chords Mr @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) This is a perfect little pop song that belongs to another age. Digging that bass sound and the little breaks that you drop in. The backing vocals are lovely as well. You've showed restraint in only including them towards the end as I would have had them all over the place :) Fab ending as well :)
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God, you've done a good job of arranging this...the instrumentation is ace, ace, ace!
I would maybe dial back the reverb on the vocal a little...
Love the mid 8 - so skilful the way you have played everything....
And the last verse harmonies and ending are just totally perfect...Elvis is still alive ;)
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Lots to like hear, classic chord changes and lyrics make it come across as a list standard.
Then live the little touches, the brushes, twinkling piano and those lovely period backing vocals.
Top notch
:-)
neil
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What can I add? Short sweet simple and lovely!
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, I was transported to the French Riviera, a quayside cafe surrounded by the smell of onions, garlic and gauloise ;). Lovely authentic period piece with your smooth vocal delivery, and the instrumentation and arrangement was brilliant!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) , what a little charmer of a tune this is. I especially liked the instrumental break and the subtle mini build when the sweet harmonies came in. I’d actually be very sorry to see this musical friend leave, hope he sticks around 😀
Would have been easy to overcook this, but you kept it refreshingly simple and maintained a kind of old fashioned innocence to it which I found very engaging. Lovely!
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Allo?
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
It has been a trip to nostalgia, to those sounds of those soft songs that made you feel good, that made you believe that everyone was happy ... What a charming experience! Your voice in French is very beautiful
very nice sensations oh la la!!!
Mora
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What a voice!! Those backing vocals are just great Paul and the playing sounds really accomplished. Mersey bewcoops. :)
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Full marks for this Paulski. Expert work with the 2 guitars. Vocals also sublime as would expect from you. The song has staying power despite its compact form. A good example of economical editing. Perfect length. Cheers Micky
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@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - cheers Leo - means a lot coming from you :D I guess I could have brought the harmonies in sooner - but it's already pretty cheezy ;D
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - thanks John Appreciate the kind words. Glad you like the doghouse bass ;D
@kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) - thanks for that - the M8 was a verse kicked off from the sub-dominant - the challenge was getting back to the original key (which I'm not convinced I met) ;D
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) - cheers Neil. Yeah chord progression is stolen from the 30's I'm sure.
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - thanks Adam - I'm a big fan of short and sweet 8)
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - thanks Jamie. The French Riviera was the vibe I was shooting for. Wouldn't that trip be nice these days?
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - thanks Michael - made my day with that comment - "engaging" :D
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) thanks Mora - very kind of you. Canada is a bilingual country I'm proud to say. I wish I knew more French but it's hard too teach an old dog new tricks :D
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - thanks! :D
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) - thanks for the kind comments Micky. "compact" - Hehe I'm a believer of "Say what you're going to say and get off the f*cking stage!" ;D
Hope I didn't miss anyone - if I did merci to you too 8) 8)
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Or "Our River" as we would pronounce it in the very cultured north-east of England.
Great vocals and I love the way the other instruments crept in...excellent, relaxed feel to the whole thing...with a couple of lovely high harmonies thrown in.
When Newcastle United signed some European footballers back in the 90s...my mate and I used to laugh at the way they'd go all continental trying to stumble though pronouncing "Phillipe Albert" and "Lauren Robert" in their finest Geordie accents.
Of course, they weren't as able to get their chops around words the way you can :)
This is tres bien which, up north, is French for "Three beans"
Probably.
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Or "Our River" as we would pronounce it in the very cultured north-east of England.
Great vocals and I love the way the other instruments crept in...excellent, relaxed feel to the whole thing...with a couple of lovely high harmonies thrown in.
When Newcastle United signed some European footballers back in the 90s...my mate and I used to laugh at the way they'd go all continental trying to stumble though pronouncing "Phillipe Albert" and "Lauren Robert" in their finest Geordie accents.
Of course, they weren't as able to get their chops around words the way you can :)
This is tres bien which, up north, is French for "Three beans"
Probably.
Cheers @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - I've been meaning to send a link to a friend of mine who speaks fluent French to see how badly I've mucked up the pronunciation but I've been afraid to do it ;D Meanwhile merci buckets for the kind words ;D
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241),
How to compete with a truly wonderful songsmith. All of your skill as a writer is on show here and I love it. My partner Marie would love this too as it would remind her of her home in France which, she misses dearly. Great instrumentation here. Everything has it's place and comes in perfectly to enhance the song when necessary.
Brilliant!
Paul
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I was going to say, "Oh man! That was just lovely!" and then I saw @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) beat me to it. It was kind of like something from the Lawrence Welk Show, only much better. I absolutely loved the piano (well, all the instrumental stuff, but the piano was at the top of my list). I second everyone else's complimentary remarks.
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Hi Paul,
I can see Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire dancing to this in a 1930's black and white film. It's the simple things that are difficult in songwriting - making the melody, lyrics and arrangement match up and support each other and this has that in spades. Melody sounds like it's always been there - effortless lyrical style is perfect for the tune. What a wonderful thing you have produced.
M
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This is brilliant! I’m transported to sitting outside a cafe in the south of France with a cold glass of rosé wine, people watching... absolutely nailed the vibe, great vocal and love the brushes too! ‘Garçon, une autre s’il vous plaît’ lights up a Gauloise... ahhh
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Great throwback.. instrumentation is spot on for the genre.. great vocal as always.. Just perfectly executed... I loved this to bits... and when those bvs come in with the twinkling keys in the background - just lovely!
K
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Sorry for the late bump - thank-you's are overdue.
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) cheers Paul - hope your missus likes it OK. I was hoping for a French vibe in the music as well as the lyrics :D
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) thanks Vicky - When I was a kid I used to think Lawrence Welk was for squares. I guess I've become one :D Cheers for listening and commenting on the piano.
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) Thanks Alan - very kind of you :D Happy goodbyes are rare but I guess this one is. Saying goodbye to Covid-19 will also be one. :D
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) - good forum name! Merci beaucoup kind sir :D
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Cheer Karen - "twinkling keys" made my day :D
Thanks again everyone - now I'll let her sink....
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241),
Wow, this is a work of art. I love the chord progressions and the vocal is superb. The backing vocals are great too - just enough without over-cooking it. I'm new here and I'm finding some very talented people. :)