The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: rightly on September 24, 2020, 06:34:03 PM
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So I got involved in a collaboration with a newish friend
She actually wrote the whole song
This isn't mine, still it's something I'm working on.
Feedback would be nice.
the forest of blue
a wildness inside her, calling for you,
come into my darkness, my forest of blue
her hands so soft (so cold), reaching for you,
touching y' deep in your soul, melting your blue
melting your blue
you turn to catch a glimpse, to find a clue,
who's making you feel so alive, in the forest of blue?
you see her standing there, breathe in, one and two,
her eyes are locked on yours, she says I do, will you?
y' know I want to
be mine, take my hand
to the edges of time,
where we can be soooo blue
they walk hand in hand, no light gets through,
the leaves all gather 'round, a love so true.
the trees all bend and bow, as they're subject to,
this love so deep and alive, in the forest of blue
the forest of blue
blue, blue
the forest of blue
______________________
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The forest of blue
"a wildness inside her, calling for you,
come into my darkness, my forest of blue"
(should "my darkness" be "her darkness?" Everything else is 'her.')
That's it. My one nit. Aside from that, I loved it. It's light and dark at the same time, and that is hard to do.
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The forest of blue
"a wildness inside her, calling for you,
come into my darkness, my forest of blue"
(should "my darkness" be "her darkness?" Everything else is 'her.')
That's it. My one nit. Aside from that, I loved it. It's light and dark at the same time, and that is hard to do.
@hardtwistmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19215)
y'know if I had that part in quotation marks
surely it would work. It's her wildness speaking.
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Funnily enough, I read that line as if it was in quotation marks straight off (though just around the second line, not the first two), but then I got the impression that it infers different reference points for "forest of blue" in different parts of the lyrics if so.
i.e. First verse seems to be her "wildness" saying she IS the forest of blue, but then in the second and third verses it becomes the singer saying she (since you said "her" I presumed the "protagonist" was female) is IN the forest of blue.
Changing one word (and a little grammar!) could change that. So if, for example, the second line was "Come into my darkness - YOUR forest of blue" that would now make "forest of blue" more constant across all three verses.
Of course, "forest of blue" may be a more encompasing concept than it seems, in which case it's fine as it is.
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Funnily enough, I read that line as if it was in quotation marks straight off (though just around the second line, not the first two), but then I got the impression that it infers different reference points for "forest of blue" in different parts of the lyrics if so.
i.e. First verse seems to be her "wildness" saying she IS the forest of blue, but then in the second and third verses it becomes the singer saying she (since you said "her" I presumed the "protagonist" was female) is IN the forest of blue.
no YOUR forest of
Song is almost ready
Changing one word (and a little grammar!) could change that. So if, for example, the second line was "Come into my darkness - YOUR forest of blue" that would now make "forest of blue" more constant across all three verses.
Of course, "forest of blue" may be a more encompasing concept than it seems, in which case it's fine as it is.
Thanks Sterix
that last sentence of yours
is the one!
the stew of sensations... the meaning transcends grammar
it's like a purple rain joint