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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on August 24, 2020, 07:58:11 AM
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Morning All,
Here's a little number that was influenced by listening to some French Rock / Alternative music. Based on that I tried to write a backing track that would reflect that influence.
Lyrics and vocals are by Cécile @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) and for all of you who have been asking to hear me sing in French, I do chip in on the backing vocals :)
I hope that you enjoy :)
Des armes pour nos âmes écorchées
Du temps qu'il nous faudra pour se libérer
To find our liberty
Nos cœurs qui n’ont pu que trop espérés
qui ont finis par exploser à l'arrivée
We set each other free
Mais le cœur au bord des yeux
Les larmes qui coulent sur mes joues
Mon cœur qui n'a que trop souffert
De jeux indociles , à découvert
Mais les larmes au bord de mes yeux
sont témoins de nos jours heureux
doit on parler vraiment d'un adieu
J'ai le cœur au bord des yeux
Reste encore près de moi
Reste encore dans mes bras
Parle-moi encore tout bas
Aime moi encore cette fois
Des larmes pour mieux nous prouver
I can't bear to leave you
Des regards pour mieux nous remémorer
I can't bear to go
que tout cela n'était pas en vain
Never would deceive you
Que nous ne méritons, pas encore, cette fin
Never make you blue
Mais le cœur au bord des yeux
Les larmes qui coulent sur mes joues
Mon cœur qui n'a que trop souffert
de jeux indociles, à découvert
Mais les larmes au bord de mes yeux
sont témoins de nos jours heureux
doit on vraiment parler d'un adieu
J'ai le cœur et les larmes aux yeux
Reste encore près de moi
Reste encore dans mes bras
Parle moi encore tout bas
Encore aime moi, encore une dernière fois
Mais le cœur au bord des yeux
Les larmes qui coulent sur mes joues
Mon cœur qui n'a que trop souffert
de ces jeux indociles, à découvert
Mais les larmes au bord de mes yeux
sont témoins de nos jours heureux
doit on vraiment parler d'un adieu
car J'ai le cœur et les larmes aux yeux
Reste encore un peu avec moi
Reste encore près de moi
Parle-moi encore quelquefois
Et vis chaque seconde à la fois
Reste encore près de moi
Reste encore un peu dans mes bras
Aime moi une dernière fois
une dernière fois
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Now that the forum is multilingual I will answer in Czech....cause i don't know any French..
Ahoj Johne, zni to hodne evropsky, skvely zpev. Verim, ze je to vynikajici text, bohuzel jsem tomu nerozumel... Jsi vzdycky plny prekvapeni ;)
Mej se bajo! Kevin
In short I'm saying how cosmopolitan, creative and surprising you are mate.. :)
might be an idea to put up an English translation but maybe that would destroy the mystery.. 8)
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Love this ... great job on the instrumental work that complements the sexy french vocals ( and your backing vocals work really well as well). There's a lot of nice movement and variation of pace as well.
To give you a start on @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) 's request, courtesy of Google Translate, here's a rough translation :
Weapons for our skinned souls
How long it will take us to free ourselves
To find our liberty
Our hearts that could only have hoped for too much
that ended up exploding on arrival
We set each other free
But the heart at the edge of the eyes
The tears running down my cheeks
My heart that has suffered too much
From indocile games, to the open
But the tears on the edge of my eyes
are witnessing these happy days
we really have to talk about a farewell
My heart is at the edge of my eyes
Stay close to me
Stay in my arms
Talk to me again.
Love me again this time
Tears to better prove us
I can't bear to leave you
Looks to better remember us
I can't bear to go
that all this was not in vain
Never would deceive you
That we do not deserve, not yet, this end
Never make you blue
But the heart at the edge of the eyes
The tears running down my cheeks
My heart that has suffered too much
indocile games, uncovered
But the tears on the edge of my eyes
are witnessing these happy days
we really have to talk about a farewell
My heart and tears are in my eyes
Stay close to me
Stay in my arms
Talk to me again.
Still love me, one last time
But the heart at the edge of the eyes
The tears running down my cheeks
My heart that has suffered too much
of these indocile games, uncovered
But the tears on the edge of my eyes
are witnessing these happy days
we really have to talk about a farewell
for I have my heart and tears in my eyes
Stay with me a little longer
Stay close to me
Talk to me again sometimes
And screws every second at a time
Stay close to me
Stay in my arms a little longer
Love me one last time
one last time
cheers,
Kevin
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I think I've really likes the work you've done with Cé Mz @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580). She has a beautiful voice and yest the BVs work really well. The backing track you have produced is great, really liked the change in pace.
I'd be interested to hear what came first music (with or without a vocal tune?) or the lyrics?
Pete
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I love it mate...broadcast quality and such a beautiful arranged piece
The singing is quite sexy I think 😍🤣
Absolutely superb 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
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A quick reply 'cause at work atm, thanks a lot for these first feedbacks,
To answer @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) : John create this fab music that inspired me the lyrics that arrived naturally with a melody in my head... @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) thanks for the translation 😁, @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) hopes that it hasn't break the mystery, @Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) thank you 😊, but my heart already been stolen 😁😁
Merci encore pour ces premiers retours 🙂
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Oh wow!! That is superb!
You sound so good singing together - both in the French / English in the verses and you sound fantastic singing in French together.. @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) - your vocal is just lovely and that chorus is just magnificent...
Only note is that I thought the vocals were a tiny bit lost in the first verse...
Wonderful wonderful stuff - you guys are great together!
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She sounds fantastic! very cool hearing you chime in on the bgv's .
I really enjoyed the bass work in this! its fantastic, overall a very cool vibe
with a feel that is not something I've heard before. always amazing John!
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Wow, what a terrific song and an amazing moody sound, so very atmospheric.
One of the best creations of a unique atmosphere that you could hope to hear. Stunning vocals from both singers, really moving. Plus that guitar work is really innovative and fresh.
An absolute treat to listen to, and I do hope you break out to a wider audience with this little gem! 😀
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Your trademark exquisite guitar and chords. I kind of thought you're delivering too much a,t once with nowhere to go then in comes that beautiful sexy rhythm guitar followed by a a cool chorus that lifts this beauty further. As ever Cécile has the most wonderful voice t grace this forum in a million years! A foot stomping, rollercoaster red of musical excellence that has every ingredient needed for a succeful recording. Great backing vocals too!
Paul
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The atmosphere & fusion between the 2 voices works really well here.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) `s range of the different genres is awe inspiring. How are you so prolific? Its stunning. Do you never take a day off ? Superb stuff & @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) sings it beautifully.
Blimey those lyrics are emotional..after reading them you could have wrung me out like a cloth. Heavy stuff..last time I went to France it was to EuroDisney & it was nothing like that. Good work guys.
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Hola @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
You have achieved a beautiful ballad of love, very nice melody, very French style.
I love too the lyrics, really romantic.
Mes félicitations pour la belle voix de @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Mora
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi guys, you've provided some great stuff separately and together, but this might be the best thing I've heard from you. Love it when it steps up to the 80's Duran style parts.
Excellent!
Jamie
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thanks Karen - Really enjoyed this one and the challenge of singing some French. So glad that you liked it
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) Cheers Ray - I love playing the bass. My favorite instrument I guess - Glad that you did it :)
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Wow Michael - Absolutely bowled over by your feedback - So very much appreciated
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - So much appreciated Paul, especially coming from such a master craftsman of song writing like yourself
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - Thank you so much - I hope you enjoyed your emotional roller coaster journey. I do take a day off now and again :) But most days I manage to devote a little time to some music :)
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Well thank you Mora - I am glad that you enjoyed the listen and thank you for the compliments
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Thank you sir, you are too kind. I didn't think about Duran Duran but now you mention it you are absolutely right :) :) :)
Thanks again to everyone for taking a listen :)
John
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I do like a bit of French rock - and this one doesn't disappoint. Plenty of ebbs and flows in the tempo and tension, and super emotional delivery on the vocals (lead and backing). There's an infectious swing and excitement in the backing, with some nice space for the vocals.
To my (rusty) knowledge, avoir le coeur au bord des yeux is a great combination of various other phrases and a really expressive anti-cliche - great title and lyrics.
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Hi
A very enjoyable and powerful piece of original continental arthouse pop.Great vocals and loved the guitars,a fabulous track.
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Ooh ! Just had an email from BBC Radio Solent to say that they will be playing this today between 12 and 1pm :) :) :)
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Does this mean you have broken up with me and @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)? Radio Solent listeners will be gutted ;)
Mind, just checked back to my original comment on the song and I mentioned about it breaking out. Radio Solent today, Portsmouth Hospital Radio tomorrow...
But seriously, congrats, it’s a great song and fab sound. Would you post the clip later maybe?
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Brilliant stuff John!
I bet the listeners all love it too.
As for the breakup...
Well...I'm sure you certainly wouldn't climb over your lovely french pal to get to Michael or myself 😂
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Hey, thanks guys :) there's no way you're kicking me out of the band ;D Hospital Radio is a difficult one to crack. I once did an interview on the local hospital radio but the chump of a DJ lost the tape I sent him so I ended up choosing some of my favourite records instead
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Well deserved @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Some achievement getting anything on the radio 👏🏻👏🏻
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Here's the radio clip.....................
https://soundcloud.com/pompeyjazz/le-coeur-au-bord-des-yeux-bbc-radio-solent-100920
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Congratulations on achorving airplay @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269).
Paul
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Thanks for sharing the clip, John. Shame the DJ seems more interested in himself than the music, ha ha! No wonder ‘Hang the DJ’ got written. But it’s great to see you getting a few slots now on your regional radio. Not easy at all. Maybe you should pitch to do your own show next!
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Ha Ha ! Yes, the DJ is a real knob but I target him now that he has played a few of my / our tunes ;D ;D ;D
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Hi Guys,
Loving the intro.
Builds very nicely then just pulls you back to the ground. Very nice indeed.
My basic French didn't help me one iota, but it doesn't matter - it's the sound of the vocal which entrances.
Great job by both of you.
Congrats on the radio play.
Digger
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I can hear this on French FM radio. (To be frank, most French pop on the radio is pretty dreadful so this would really knock them bandy). This is an excellent piece of music. I like the changing patterns and the muscular instrumentation - no soup of synths on here! A great, beautifully realised collab. Only problem is that already I can't get the chorus out of head......
M