The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on August 04, 2020, 01:58:51 PM
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Hmmm, Jambrains goes unplugged? Strange times.. 8)
This was not planned but during the work with the full production version (coming later, stay tuned ;D ) I realised that an unplugged version might actually work and since I've only done one (for the bare bones competition years ago) I figured I'd give it a try.
All input welcome, I'm way outside my comfort zon...
2/9: Here is the link to the more produced version, not much added but I think it actually works even better than the 1+1?
https://soundcloud.com/jambrains/a-rolex-and-a-lighter/s-Y8Ct9VSepSa
A Rolex and a lighter
That's all I got to keep
The watch was just a copy
and the lighter it was cheap
The pawnshop had his wedding ring
The bailiff had his Jeep
and I was told that he died peacefully
in his sleep
A Rolex and a lighter
and the shirt upon his back
I looked around but saw
that there was nothing more to pack
He'll travel light to heaven
I'm not sure they'll let him in
But if they send him off to hell
at least it's somewhere
he has been
Let me sit by him in silence
The way we used to do
Let me go to secret places
Only my father and I knew
Let me sit by him in silence
To clear the fog out of my head
and try to face the fact
that he is dead
A Rolex and a lighter
the two things he did not sell
The watch a fake, the lighter cheap
He knew that very well
I bought them for his birthday
when I was still a kid
I worked the docks that summer
And I saved up
every quid
Let me sit by him in silence
The way we used to do
Let me go to secret places
Only my father and I knew
Let me sit by him in silence
To clear the fog out of my head
and try to face the fact
that he is dead
We began to drift apart
the year my mother passed away
She’d held them both together
His grief led him astray
I lost him to the bottle
To the whiskey in the jar
I tried to pull him back
But he’d
gone too far
A Rolex and a lighter
that I bought at Joe's Bazaar
Because he was my hero
My childhood superstar
Taught me how to ride a bike
And let me drive his car
He raised me and my brothers
To believe in
who we are
Let me sit by him in silence
The way we used to do
Let me go to secret places
Only my father and I knew
Let me sit by him in silence
To clear the fog out of my head
and try to face the fact
that he is dead
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@jambrains goodness this is excellent...lots of space and passion, i can feel it in every strum, matched with your vocal delivery.
Forget the fuller production....My favourite since I can change
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Fabulous stuff Mr @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) As Rich says, loads of space. Those distinctive vocals and lovely acoustic guitar tone. Juts perfect as it is :)
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The lyrics are truly fantastic, they really tell the story succinctly and without sentimentality, great job.
Also, agree that this works really well as an acoustic piece and it might lose some of the impact with a fuller production.
Top class ( and right up there with your Shane McGowan song, still a favorite of mine!)
Kevin
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Hi @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Great acoustic playing, fabulous vocal delivery and a very sad personal lyric all wrapped up in a spacious pristine production, I liked it very much.
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Loved it! The acoustic recording was perfect, the chords rang through so cleanly, and such a story.
I'm with CPM, a full version is simply not needed, how could you improve it?
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Wonderful description, this line has impressed me
But if they send him off to hell
at least it's somewhere
It says so many things.
And I love the chorus, it's catchy and goes well in the ear
It's curious, such a deep song wrapped in a candy paper @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875), a cool acoustic sound. Please share the secret of how you recorded it. This one has real movement. What I mean is the acoustic and rhythm bring the song to life. It's instantly catchy too. Well done with the writing and recording.
Paul
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WOW..... This pushes every button. The emotional button is especially "pushed", but the intellectual, and artistic buttons are no less in play. Not much more to say than "WOW."
I presume this is particularly personal for you, and if it is, I'm sorry for your loss.
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@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308): Wow, thanks pal! Amazing someone still remember I Can Change!! :)
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269): thanks, you are too kind! :)
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775): thanks a mill! Think I'll do the full production nevertheless, why have one when you can have two? 8)
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532): thank you for the kind words :)
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588): thanks!!!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233): thanks you. "a deep song wrapped in a candy paper" is a fantastic way to describe it!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231): thanks!
@hardtwistmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19215): thanks my friend. No worries, the whole thing is just a work of fiction.
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Nice to hear you unplugged @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) . I have to say, though, that the acoustic guitar tone feels a bit brittle to my ears. Great playing, wonderfully rich vocals and a story that resonates.
I agree with @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) .... my favorite of yours is still The Curse of Shane McGowan.
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Suits you down to the ground, I'd say...doesn't really need anything else.
Great lyric and super chord work...I love the way you left it hanging there too...very cool!
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Neat title,
Unplugged, why not?
The format makes you listen to the story more than normally, and there's a story here.
Guitar sounds great.
And lots to like here.
Any more planned in this format?
:-)
neil
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Holy sh!t this is good 🤣
The verses really support the chorus which is off the radar melodic and catchy - great lyrics too.
I tip my hat Sir 🤗
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi, keep it as it is.... love the 'air' in the production and the acoustic guitar sound.Very good sir!
Cheers
Jamie
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) what a great song. Expertly delivered with that classic vocal and sparkling acoustic guitar.
Great storyline too - fiction or not you made me believe and feel for this guy.
More in this vein please!
Paul
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Err...wow! What a brilliant song - truly unbelievable lyrical quality - Dylan would be proud of this. The acoustic unplugged feel is perfect for the song. Only every once in a while does something truly brilliant come onto the forum and this is one of those times. If I had written this, I would probably never feel the need to write anything else. What more can I say.
M
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Fantastic song concept and fabulous delivery and recording.
I think I might have tried something other than "he is dead" in the chorus as this is already clear from verse one. But that may be me being too songwritery (again).
Great story - communication and time passing, does anyone ever get it quite right.
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@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611): thanks! Yes, you are absolutely right, I went a little overboard with the guitar "glitter" :-)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253): thanks a mill, much appreciated!
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856): thanks! No plans for another one in this style but who knows?
@Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905): thank you good Sir! :-)
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125): I'm running out of ways too say thanks you in English so a good old Swedish "tack!" will have to do ;D
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241): thanks you, you are too kind. No plans for another one but who knows, maybe in the future?
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653): I can't tell you how happy I am that you joined in and that you liked it so much. After all you are the master of this kind of songs. Chuffed....
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124): thanks! I see what you mean re "dead" but I doubt I will actually go back and change anything.
@all: I have updated the original post with a link to the more produced version, not that much added but I do think what I added actually improved it. Or not?
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I like this mix a lot. The piano is a perfect addition but there are a few brief places (in the chorus) where it felt like it creates a bit of dissonance with the guitar.
This is a great tune.