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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PeteS on July 30, 2020, 11:21:35 PM
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So, with apologies for not having been around much for the last few weeks, here is a new song from us.
The lyrics were written months ago and way before recent issues. I composed the rest more recently but still just before the statue moment!
I put this on unfinished songs and got a couple of comments, and whilst i didn't change much because of them, I did listen and make some improvements.
Here is a tale, a distant memory
A guilty land, a previous century
With naval waters and blooded hands
Fight for glory in far flung lands
Fight for honour, king and country
Medals are won, bugles and gentry
Jewels in the crown, pillage or trading?
Settle the locals, there for the taking
Chorus
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same
Blind patriot games rally the faithful
Stuck in the past, violent and hateful
Wrapped up in flags, red, white and blue
Inciting today, is that anything new?
Chorus
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same
Mid 8
I’ve no sense of faith, or becoming
I’ve no time for Great, or succumbing
Chorus/Ending
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same
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The theme and lyrics are very topical, so this will resonate with many.
Musically, sounds a little like China Crisis and has a pleasant poppy vibe
Catchy chorus!
Nice job, Kevin
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Musically very nice.......lovely guitar......agree with the China Crisis feel.
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Hi Pete. Nice poppy vibe here. Like the acoustic guitar sound that you have achieved. The lyrics are and interesting read and very relevant. Nice use of pads in the second chorus and the drop out section is also very effective. A well written and produced piece of music
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Thanks for listening guys!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) Thanks Kevin, I don't know China Crisis that well but I'll check them out again.
@Morefrog Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20200) Cheers, glad you liked the guitar, another for China Crisis! Definitely need to check them out!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Thanks John, appreciate the compliments. I just wish I had finished it before the recent issues, it was basically written but only an acoustic demo. Always takes me a while to get from he acoustic version to a finished item!
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Hi,
You've got interesting contrast between the slightly resigned pop music and the observing lyrics.
The hook is good and you sound much more committed to that part vocally.
Thanks for sharing
:-)
neil
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Interesting lyrics.. very catchy number.. vocal in the chorus is particularly strong.. very hooky! I also really liked the pads - brought an emotional surge to it for me. Great song @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588)
K
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@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) Thanks! Interesting that you said I sounded more committed to that part of the song, I'll listen back and see what you mean. Sometimes my lyrical partner Neil says he can hear when I am more comfortable with the lyrics.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thanks Karen, the lyrics were around for a while and Neil felt strongly about them. I just had to compose a tune to do them justice. I hope I did.
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Hi Pete
I like the "Tom Petty" feel to this one.
Your vocal sounds great and It's a good hook - and you respect it through-out meaning it's nicely positioned in he catchy chorus and it's well set up in the verses.
I have one nit though - to me the way the hook is sung has a prosody problem. Instead of singing "imperial" with the emphasis on the the last syllable, I wanted to hear "imperial" like the word is spoken. I think you could push the word forward and sing "imperial past" with "past" sung on the downbeat and it would be solved. No-one else has mentioned this so ignore me at your pleasure ;D
Enjoyed the listen - nice to hear something new from you and the dogs ;D
Paul
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Hi Paul,
Glad you enjoyed it. I'll take a good look at the prosody problem, it felt right that way when I sang it and I hadn't heard the accent being on ial rather than per but I'll try to sing it differently and see how it sounds.
Appreciate the feedback!
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It’s a cool song and I enjoyed the listen.
I’m hopeless at suggesting Improvements so I’ll leave it at that 🥳
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I know what you mean! Thanks for listening @Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905)