The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on July 29, 2020, 08:46:03 PM
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Hey all!
Another Ashes for Dreams number.. a little dark (surprise surprise) and maybe not a million miles away in theme (only) from my most recent solo number although this one has been hanging about for a while.. Just general control freakery but with a spark of light there somewhere :) !
As always, this has been such fun to do - the ever creative and super talented @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) coming up with the goods yet again and the to and fro as we reach the end line a complete blast...
And also as always, all comments are welcome.. we will surely tweak this as we receive feedback..
K
Not Enough
I’m falling apart, and this heavy heart
Makes no sense from where you sit
I tick all the boxes, have all the options
All targets hit
But I’m falling apart
I’m falling apart
Outside in it’s working
Inside out it’s not
I’m done pretending
I’ve given all I’ve got
Why is everything still not enough.
If you ask me how am I feeling
I’ll say I’m fine
Why would you question, not believe me
Why would you cross that line
I say I’m feeling fine
I’m feeling fine
Outside in it’s working
Inside out it’s not
I’m done pretending
I’ve given all I’ve got
Why is everything still not enough.
If only I shouted, if I had the courage
To pick up the phone
To say that I’m drowning while No one is watching
I’m all alone
I’m all alone
All alone
Outside in it’s working
Inside out it’s not
I’m done pretending
I’ve given all I’ve got
Why is everything still not enough.
You say if you were mine
We’d be just fine
Maybe it’s time
To give it a try
Outside in it’s working
Inside out it’s not
I’m done pretending
I’ve given all I’ve got
Why is everything still not enough.
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Wow! That was AMAZING! 😄🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶 you guys hulk smashed this one! First off, the mix is spot on in my humble opinion. I love the subtle synth that underpins the guitar in places, the guitars of course are just fab. Karen u sound amazing, that chorus is catchy as f@#k!!🤪 I absolutely love the line “outside in its working, inside out it’s not” brilliant writing as always.
Really well done guys!🤩👏🏻🎶👏🏻🎶
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I hope you'll take it as a compliment but it reminds me a little bit of 90s Sheryl Crow.
The melody and production go brilliantly together to make for quite an exciting, energetic and uplifting piece of music. I personally feel it's an interesting contrast that the lyrics are (to me) quite despairing. Perhaps it is all leading up to 'Maybe it’s time to give it a try', which might give the song that optimism I can hear in the music. Not sure if this is what you intended.
Very lively and infectious. Well done.
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Fabulous stuff here you guys. Reminded me a little bit of Kirsty McColl. I'm a sucker for those jangly guitars and the riff is a real killer which gets stuck in your head. It's a really catchy, melodic little number. I like the way that you drop into half time, very effective. Fabulous stuff as ever :)
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi guys, love this,+1 to all the other comments. Brilliant lyric, love the 'inside /outside' lines. Fab!
Cheers
Jamie
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - to me this is your finest work, upbeat and super tight, great lyrics and phrasing to die for. @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - Your musicianship and production really are of the highest order.
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Love the energy, this one really moves along .... Great chorus, really catchy but still complex enough to be interesting.
Top class,
Kevin
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Hola @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
It is a catchy song, with a very lively rhythm, very youthful, and I love the story you describe.
With your voice it is always easy to get into your music.
Maybe this time the guitar sounds a bit loud compared to the voice?
Congratulations once again,
Mora
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Great production and a cracking little number. Felt more jaunty than dark to me...but maybe that's just my natural optimism getting the better of me :P
The vocals are a very lovely thing indeed.
Pings along very nicely...everything sounding cool and under control...like a finely tuned song-writing machine...which is kind of what you are, but with real-world emotions that AI will forever be playing catch-up with.
I think I'd maybe pull the rhythm guitar back a tiny bit and knock the snare up to snap a little more...but that was after scratching my head for a good while trying to think of something that might not have been absolutely perfect...and just a personal preference at a certain time on a particular day...
But really...absolutely top drawer stuff once again...way to go, dudes...
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I'm embarrassed to say that your Alter Ego with @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) had passed me by, maybe nothing new since I've been around?
Anyway, I love it! I guess that's not surprising as I have loved your individual stuff and everything @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) has done. Karen, your voice really is as great as ever and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) guitar work is first class! It really feels like one of the best tracks I've heard on here.
As a guitarist, I really like the construction of the riffs and the move between picking and chords plus the overlays.
I'd like to find some constructive criticism but I can't!
Great work guys!
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The record company would be rubbing their hands in glee if they’d sent you into the studio and you came back with this. You make the production of catchy hits seem quite effortless, and you're very confident and consistent in your style and delivery now. Should be a money making machine. Although I’m not the best person to ask, as I haven’t bought a single since the early 80s! ;)
The guitar riffing carries the song on its way so well And I like how it changes tone into the second verse, then a second guitar comes in right side. Plus the slow break helps the final chorus really zip along.
Great top line, especially the chorus and vocals are both sweet and pithy in your signature style Karen. Really accomplished yet again from the both of you. Should be on the radio!
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Hi @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
What a great piece of songwriting, production and arrangement. Its really upbeat and catchy with great vocals,chorus and guitars yet the lyrics are quite dark and a little despondent which gives the song extra gravitas.Absolutely loved it.
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Nothing to say - this is just great from top to bottom. Karen, you sound particularly at home with this style. Fab song, awesome performances, and great production details all through.
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Hi Guys,
1st class modern pop song highlighted by that superb vocal delivery and the energetic instrumentals. This is surely commercial enough for professional release. A perfect pop confection - sounds simple but isn't. Loved it to bits.
M
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Wow - thanks so much all for the positive comments - delighted it's getting the thumbs up...
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Leo thanks a mill for your kind words.. Yeah I do love that synth... twas a fab track to sing to!! :D :D
@bigFishAndTheSmallPondets (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20529) - indeed I will take even a distant reminder as a compliment - I'm a huge SC fan.. LOVE her.. saw her live a few years ago and she's still amazing.. So tight! Thanks so much for your lovely comments... agree there is a spark of hope in there.. peeping out..
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) thanks so much!! Kirsty eh? :) I'll take even a hint of that thank you !! Yeah the 1/2 time I love - especially coming out of it!
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - thanks so much - too kind, sir....
@Cowparsleyman - thanks so much for those lovely words.. Delighted you like it!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) - thanks a mill! :)
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) - thanks so much for your kind comments and notes on levels..
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - thanks so much.. I guess it is kind of jaunty but the lyrics are largely dark... thanks for the critiques - all taken on board...
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - it's been about 3 months since our last one give or take... Thanks for those lovely comments - much appreciated.. agree re the guitar playing... awesome :)!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - money making you say? Chance would be a fine thing :) ! Lovely comments Mr A - much appreciated!
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) - high praise, I thank you kindly...
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - thanks so much.. Well yeah, I had great fun tracking this.. Thanks a mill..
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - I thank you for those lovely comments.. delighted..
Again thank you all - every listen and crit is gratefully received..
K
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Hi,
Liking this, clear driving pop rock really suits your voice. Cool backing and harmonies too.
It sounds like it's made for US radio.
Catchy chorus too.
And I going to get a Jambrians solo??? :-(
That aside lots to like here.
:-)
neil
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Sublime pop rock expertly delivered and produced into a HIT!
It recorded so well we may as well shut down all our studios and just work for you guys 😋😝
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It's all been said - but I'll say it again - great song!
Love the vocals and the jangling guitar.
Super lyrics and melodic turns of phrase.
What's not to like? I can't find a nit.
Oh wait - sometimes you can't hear "thing" in the word "everything".
Pretty minor niggle and hardly worth mentioning.
Radio ready IMO
Goes with my socks - in the top drawer ;D
Paul
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Great stuff guys. Nice production & beautifully sung. Super. :)
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Hola @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
I enjoyed a lot your song, the production sounds great, all the instruments have their good mix and your voice is wonderful as always.
Very good track!!!
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Apologies on the delayed response .. I've been away out the Wild West of Ireland on my holliers... will be catching up with new songs over the next wee while... in the meantime...
Thanks so much @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) - such lovely comments.. gracias!
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) - Thanks so much!!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) wow - so happy to sit with your socks! Great comments - totally chuffed!
Hey @Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) ! Too kind altogether, sir! Well the production is all @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) ... he's fairly special alright.. :)
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) - yeah I thought there would be a solo too but what comes comes... this was a lot of fun solo or no solo! :)
Thanks all again - so great to get all of your feedback..
K