The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on July 17, 2020, 04:12:35 PM
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Hi all, my latest offering, an unassumingly named song, Vampires Of Hell.....The song is in two halves I suppose, the lyrical part and the instrumental segment. My premise is that there are no vampires, but humans manage to do to themselves and others what Vampires would do if they existed....The second half is a two round build of a motif that is nearly chromatic (at least I can't find a scale that fits) in the chosen notes. The difficult bit was to build the chords and harmonies around it particularly in the second half of the outro. There's a lot of harmonic stuff going on. Some diabolical harmonies ;).
Anyway, over to you!
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/vampires-of-hell-1
Vampires of hell
Here come the demons, yes they're here today
Hold onto your memory whatever they say
Are you the victim, a victim of this
You think you're hard done, but to can you resist
Ask me a question, how low can you go
You're flight of fantasy , as black as a crow
Are you the victim, a victim of this
You think you're hard done to but can you resist
Try not to look back, please just look away
It won't look too pretty, concrete and decay
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Really interesting stuff going on in this one ... the vocal part is strong, but the instrumental really takes it to a different level. Reminds me a little of King Crimson and has an anthemic feel to it.
Nice work, Kevin
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Hey Jamie,
Lovely full introduction,
I think I'v met my fair share of vampires to last a lifetime. Maybe I acknowledge that songwriters are sensitive souls and disappointment, inevitably follows.
Anyway enough of my ramblings.
This is dramatic and menacing. The musical soundscape is wonderful and has great impact. The concept is really interesting and invites me to think about how I or other writers would tackle this theme. It would have been a fantastic challenge to embrace this as a topic for the next forum challenge. This was very engaging from start to finish. You send the musical track off to The BBC. They are sure to create a series two of the mini series Dracula!
Well done
Paul
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Hi Jamie
A very acomplished track, I have listened to this song a number of times now and really enjoyed it. Well structured and well written with a really outstanding outro.1st Class.
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I really like the big feel of this production. Where you have your vocals makes the song huge for me. There really is a lot going on here .......a very dynamic and interesting production. The way it starts to build toward the end is excellent......really held me strong and on the edge of the studio chair.
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Very Pink Floyd-y @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) (have I said that before ?).. which is right up my street and so very impressive.. Those drums are amazing.. particularly the cymbals.. Well all of the instrumental track is great! Intriguing lyrics and intriguing composition - very interested to read in your preamble how you built it.. Isn't it built around a standard (classical/harmonic) minor scale (1-6).. Lovely motif it is..
K
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Hi Jamie, 'diabolus in musica' indeed. In my book the tritione interval is a big thing and nearly ruins someones whole life, so that freaked me out big time.
Very dramatic and I liked how you turned on the menacing vocals for this. Wish I hadn't have heard it just before midnight though! ;)
Like a piece from an alt-rock musical, what a punch it delivers!
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Jola @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Well, your song has been quite a show for me on this hot summer night in which the street air seems like that of a hair dryer ...
The whole sounds very good to me, and the doubled voice, at least that's what I think I perceive, gives it a very particular touch.
The tonality is high but you keep it very well ...
As for the instrumental part, I see it round, it comes in a very correct moment and maintains the tension of the story even if the voice is no longer there, so for all that and for the lyrics that describe us so well, congratulations!!!
Be safe!!!
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Jamie - so polished and "tight" as I think others have commented - you are in fine form recently.
It's so far away from anything that I would normally listen to that I don't have a lot to say - but I can admire the playing, production and writing, and the atmospherics of the outro, which is really great sounding.
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - cool work, I’m with adam about it being a little off my usual listening path, but excellently executed and professionally produced.
I was wondering which guitar your were brandishing.
Your voice cuts through beautifully.
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Hi Jamie, Loved the outro...amazing ;D and that big guitar sound. I'm hearing a lot of early Genises/Floyd etc etc...which is nice ;D
Not the sort of song that's going to light up the dance floor, but it's packed full of interest and imagination, that demands attention, and I'm already on my
4th time around ;D ;D
Excellent work mate
take care, stay safe ;D
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How good was that?! Catchy, memorable repeating main vocal melody line - it's stuck in my head after one listen. The words maybe less so, as I was struggling to hear them clearly without reading the lyrics. You may well have been aiming for that eerie sound anyway of course.
Overall, it sounded like a polished, well balanced production to me.
The electric guitar outro is simple and very effective. A reminder that a few, well chosen notes can often be more effective than widdly diddly (technical guitarist term). I thought that whole last section was great, and the decay right at the end was suitably scary.
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi Kevin, super comments. I'm glad you mentioned King Crimson as I love them, and the outro 'style' was an attempt to get that feel of playing some really unusual notes and making it sound tense and melodic (as per KC!) I really only wrote the first half of the song as a vehicle to get the instrumental part listened too ;).
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Hi Paul, I think we've all met a few "Dracula's' along the way....Great comments, liked the soundscape/drama and menacing description that is rather apt as that is exactly what I was trying to evoke!
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Hi, what can I say, great comments, thanks!
Cheers all thanks for listening!
Jamie
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Hi guys thanks for listening!
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Hi, careful don't want you falling off that chair ;). Glad you enjoyed the vocals, I've had trouble in the past getting them right in the mix 8).I'm very pleased with the instrumental parts!
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, the song starts in F sharp and the instrumental section is in Dm yet doesn't seem separate!? Yes it is a standard Dm chord progression, but I wanted tension in the theme so I wanted to elbow in some unusual notes into the theme.So across Dm, B flat and Gm the notes in the lead are E,F,E,G,F sharp,A B flat and F. The note that sticks out in that series id the F sharp which doesn't sit in any of the Dm range, but strangely it seems to have worked!Also in the second round the harmonics change with different descending (some chromatics in there) runs. I haven't tabbed it but I reckon there are some mighty strange chords in there! I'm not too knowledgable on the technical elements of music, but I'm sure some erudite person on the forum can describe what it it! Yes, I'm not sure if you 'accused' me of sounding like Pink Floyd, but it has happened many times before so I'll let you off ;). The cymbals and Hi Hat parts were added after a suggestion by Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) , pleased you noticed.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Hi Michael, can I expect your lawyers to be in touch? ;). I had heard of tritone and knew it was something Black Sabbath had used unknowingly as it happens to create some of their Satanic delights. I did it by ear as I didn't know the definition but I have looked it up since! Must get your book......memo to self 8)
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, I'm pleased you felt that the instrumental section carried forward the tension implied by the lyrics! Yes the vocal is double to keep it 'punchy'. Glad you enjoyed it in the heat of the Summer! Stay safe
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, in many ways to have someone to listen and comment on a song they wouldn't normally have in their collection is a bit of kudos. It must have said something to you, even if it is as you say that you could enjoy the playing and production. Thanks!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
Hi Rich, did you notice the ride, hi hat and feedback in the last section, as you suggested? Was I in the right territory? Thanks for the comments on the production and vocals ! I played my Les Paul on this one through various plug ins in Logic Pro X.
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)
Hi Bin, high praise indeed, thanks mate! Not so much of a Saturday night fever type song, more a Sunday night horror!
@Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525)
Hi Bill, yes I try to restrict my 'widdly' bits ;), as I'm not really a lead guitarist but I have my moments! 8). Yes in this case it's the choice of notes ,rather than any technical guitar playing that creates the vibe. My musical ear must be improving, as not that long ago I wouldn't have thought about a single semitone transforming a song, an instrumental or a chorus, but that's happened twice to me with one of my songs in the last couple of months!
Great comments!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Jamie,
Very proggy. Really enjoyable outro.
Well structured, whilst being inventive, and has your usual high production values.
You say you're not too great with the technical elements of music; just goes to show - it's all about what it sounds like, not what you know or don't know.
All the best,
Digger
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Your vocals are getting better and better @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Your lockdown output has been outstanding. Although this had a "proggy" feel to it, it was also very accessible and listenable. Some lovely guitar work and some interesting chord combinations. Liking the way the bass hangs on the root note for example. Another cracker from you :)
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I would have known this was you after the first 5 seconds. It's like you've invented some whole new chords that nobody else has ever used and then put them together in incredibly effective ways. Soooo distinctive. I have to say that isn't my favourite piece of yours. The melody doesn't grab me and I think you have given insufficient time and trouble to the lyrics. The track relies very heavily on the musical arrangement and there isn't enough actual song for these conventional ears. Sorry about that.
M
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
Hi D,agree, it's what it sounds like that matters, although it's sometimes intriguing to know why something sounds the way it does :P. Yes, been sliding towards prog recently, guilty as charged....Thanks for the production comments!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, yes there are some very 'interesting' chords and progressions in this song. Thanks for the comments on the vox it's appreciated!
@ Montydog
Hi Alan, love the comments, even if it's not your 'thing'. Yes see ,my comments above ref chords, there are some beauties in this song.... :o Lyrics aren't really my thing, and I never take time over them :o ;)
Great comments guys thanks!
Jamie
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Great song, Jamie!
Lost me little with the terminology...but I have come to expect the unexpected from you...though it's never really actually expected (except in it's quality) and always somehow sounds perfectly natural.
Dracula Untold (from the soundcloud pic) was, I thought, a great version of the age-old story. I once read that the Church used those tales of the undead as a way of terrifying the people into obedience...but I very much doubt that people in positions of power and influence would stoop to such a level. Oh...hang on...
Someone quoted ye olde "Hell is empty...all the devils are here" line the other day and this made me think of that.
Another top quality and fascinating listen.
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Hi Jamie,
Ah man!! The second half of this song is f@#%ing EPPPPPICCCC!!!! Right up my street and I kept rewinding it!! Very atmospheric! I have to be honest and say that I don't feel that the two halves of the song quite matched though...not that they have to on any given song...but considering the title I guess I wanted it to be ALL dark...😈😬🤷🏼♂️
Btw...its nice to finally put a face to the name...(song pic!) U look exactly as I imagined mate!!🤪🤣👍🏻
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Jamie,
Cool intro and those etherial vocals glide over the backing.
I like contrast with the B section. at 1.30
Then we get the get the heavier guitar section, really like the repeating bit with the descending bass, as it desending into the bowels of the earth itself.
Just watch there were a couple of timing issues with the lower guitar but cool tune
:-)
Neil
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Excellent stuff Jamie , the Gothic landscape you have created really takes off around 2.20 and goes interstellar ;D
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Thanks for listening guys!
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856)
Hi Neil, I did wonder if the contrast was too much, but the first half I wrote on the piano and wanted something to help it 'take off', and I continued and also wrote the the second half on the piano, but it sounded a bit 'weak'. So....I got the big guns out and went for it! Glad you enjoyed it!
@Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905)
Hi Andy, nice to have you back. I love the second half of the song too, I could listen to it on a loop ;D ::) :P ;). Thanks for commenting.
Cheers
Jamie