The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: simonjol on July 01, 2020, 11:54:49 PM
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Hi everyone I just joined up here to hopefully find other songwriting folk and get involved. I have written and recorded over the years mainly as a solo creative release, a diary almost if that makes sense? :)
This is a little thing I have had in my head for quite a while, recorded it while in lockdown, just a bit of fun really, i thought i'd like to share it for some feedback anyways.
https://soundcloud.com/simon-jolly-432790989
Tailspin
Verse 1
Another day to be
Someone you'd rather forget
Let's get away from here
Another place to be
you turn it on it's head
Let's get away from here
You look nice in that dress
Like rolling meadows yes
Let's go put on our best gear
We got it all aint we?
Come on you look good to me
Let's get right away from here
Chorus
I will be your pilot
All the lights are clear
You burn me up
You light the fuse
Verse 2
Feel a blue fly tickle
It's just the sound of birdsong
Strollin in the park
We won't be here when it's dark
Listening to the sound of birdsong
Sitting on a golden chair
In your underwear
Swaying to the sound of the ocean
Catch your breath as we're
Bypassing light years
It's just the sound of the ocean
Chorus
I will be your pilot
All the lights are clear
You burn me up
You light the fuse
I will be your pilot
All the lights are clear
Turn in flight
Turn the world
That's what you do
You light the fuse
Doesn't matter where we go
Every time you're near
You light the fuse
You got me
100 miles
100 miles
You light the fuse
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Very cool tune @simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633) . I love how the bass moves it along relentlessly and how that electric guitar sneaks in.
Really nice arrangement . This whole thing just works for me......got some serious funk happening! Kind of Prince-esque. I can see Sheila E on those drums. 8)
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hey thanks! that's very kind!, really glad you like.
I do love the earlier prince stuff and i was a big wendy and lisa fan too. Oh hell yea Sheila she is amazing. :)
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@simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633) - Welcome to the Forum, first I love the title, really intriguing...yeah I can hear Wendy and Lisa too in this. lots of lovely guitar, that so missing from songs these days, maybe hold back a tad, so it's more of a feature, also maybe rather than jamming riifs, try and repeat some of the hooks in the Vocal melody...just an idea?
Found the Lead Vocal a little back in the mix...Nice work on the Brass near the end
Great ideas.
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hey cowparsleyman thanks for the feedback, yes agree probably a bit too full on with guitars i will try some other mixes i think you are right.
The plan for the song is to do it as a male / female duet which is where i need a strong female voice in the chorus. Beverley Knightesque soul rock style.
Need to find such a vocalist however haha
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First of all welcome! Love this nice and funky and love the guitars aswell. Really enjoyed the listen....
Looking to hearing more :)
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Heyyy thanks and really pleased you like it!
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Hi @simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633) and welcome to the forum. Really liked this indie vibe. Great funky guitar and vocals fitted the vibe really well. Great work on the harmony vocals. What's your recording setup ? I'm sure that you will enjoy it here. It's a very friendly helpful place.
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) thankyou so much, means a lot to get positive feedback from such talented folk on here. I am really enjoying hearing peoples work, will check your links too
My set up is very basic i record with a macbook pro using garageband and just a Squire telecaster and ovation semi accoustic. I keep the structure simple usually a few organ sounds or the odd synth. On this track i have used a plugin called vintage vocals which has a sample of 3 female soul singers. Its pretty inflexible bit good for the ooohs and ahhhs in a simple triad chord shape. Mixing is something i struggle with i do find it difficult to balance overall and vox often gets a bit muddy so great to hear you liked the harmonies :D
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Good stuff @simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633) Hope that you stick around. It's a great place to be. Are you from Coventry? It's my home town
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Great rocky tune @simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633)! I love the mystery in your voice in the song. Good work :)
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Thanks Andreas! Really kind of you to message I'm pleased you like it :)
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Howdy Simon...welcome along!
A very well put together song.
You're certainly getting your moneys worth out of that telecaster!
Vocals are good...and could probably come up in the mix a bit. I'm in no position to give vocal advice (!) but i think if you could take the key up a tone or so...it'd maybe easier to wring a bit more out of the very good lyrics?
Anyway...a quality number with which to open your account...well done!
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Hi Simon, welcome. I dug your song. At first it made me think of Duran and then as it progressed with that dance beat and the wah-wah guitars it reminded me more of the "baggy" era (Happy Mondays, Primal Scream's "Screamadelica" etc) - all fine company to be keeping I think. I loved it when the hi-hats came in big time after the choruses and the whole thing had a kind of smooth jam-session vibe to it. I'd agree with what some others have said that the vocals are maybe a bit low in the mix, which made them sound a bit tentative, I'd give that fader a bit of a nudge up I think. I hope you like the forum and stick around, it's a cool place.
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Thanks guys for listening and your advice is very much appreciated. I do find mixing and particulalry vocals challenging. I use a snowball mic and its always a bit muddy in the mix i find especially with harmonies. Never really got the knack of spacing and tend to keep vox centre with guitars etc left and right.
The idea os to get a female vocal on the choruses as a duet which will hopefully give me more confidence to bring it out more in the mix haha
Thanks again :)
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Love Cov :) been here a couple of years now Always been in the midlands
Yes i will mate there is brilliant talent here and such a nice welcome
Cheers
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HI, welcome to the forum! Yes, definitely getting the early Prince vibe. Vocals could come up more in the mix and I felt the guitars were a bit too busy, sometimes less is more ;). Loved the brass towards the end and the guitar stood out a bit more in the tail section ( ::) :P :-X)
CHeers
Jamie
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Jamie thanks for the input haha yea i have been mixing and cleaning it up a bit with vocals more prominent :)
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Hey @simonjol (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22633) - this is a great song! Some lovely guitar work too! Agree that the vocal could come up in the mix - they're a little lost and it's a good vocal. Melody really grabbed me I must say and there's some great detail in drum track.. particularly those hi-hats.. fab! Look forward to hearing more..
Welcome to the forum.
Karen.
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Thanks Karen! I checked out your soundcloud wow! some incredibly strong work there.
I am really pleased you like the melody that's always the hub for me and the thing I try to focus on. I do tend to get a bit lost in the detail if i'm not careful. Oh i've had fun with the drums haha I am basically a frustrated drummer who never learnt to play real drums. I really should take lessons and give it some proper time!
I have updated the track now with a new mix based on you guys expertise. :)
Thanks again
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Really liked this one - great harmonies and guitars going nuts - plus tamborines (right?).
Some lyrical gems in there too: Sitting on a golden chair/In your underwear...!
Yes, although I probably have listened to the new mix, I'd still like to hear the vocal more at times (may need to clear out the right EQ space in the backing quite boldly and also automate when needed) but it's always tricky.
Looking forward to hearing more!
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Hi Adam and thanks loads, glad you like. That line is close to my heart but we won't go into that haha :)
Yes you are right tambo in the chorus, wanted to accentuate the chorus a bit. Thanks for the specifics on EQ i will give that a go too. I will try taking the rhythm guitar down a bit more on the right side. At times I have two organ tracks that are playing constant notes which i think are filling in the clarity but i don't want to lose them. Will fiddle a bit and update.
thanks again
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Cool - but I meant to say the "correct space" (or correct frequency range) - not the right hand side!
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Ah thanks not as simple as i though ha 'scratches head' I really need to learn about mixing properly!
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Very sophisticated sounding song Simon.
Love the funky guitars and your mellow vocals.
Interesting progression and an arrangement which was clearly a lot of work with all the different things happening vocally and instrumentally.
Well it certainly does lift in the chorus...maybe the tambo's a bit loud though at 1.40 and 2.40 odd?
But I'm no mixing king and the levels are a constant struggle for me. Things seem too loud one time, too soft the next....long process isn't it?
Anyway nice introduction to your sound and style which is pretty classy stuff.
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Viscount Cramer thanks that's very kind. I'd love to get better at mixing and start doing things to a better standard hence one of the reasons for joining here.
Adam has kindly offered me some pointers on mixing down so i will get onto that next.
Cheers!!
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Wow! This is a truly tail-spinning track. I get a lot of different and interesting vibes, Peter Gabriel meats the Minneapolis sound. Low key and big production at the same time. The wah-wah. And the brass arrangement at the end of the song. It's all one big party.
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@The Estuary (SWE) (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22380) Hey thanks sooo much for that, yea i was trying to get an upbeat party kind of groove to this glad you picked up on that :) I am just working on mixing it down following the great advice on here
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lovely
really interesting and seemingly liberated songwriting
I suppose that guitar solo needs turning up a bit
A refreshing listen!
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Thanks tons man, glad you like :) it's a really fun track to work up and hopefully i will eventually get a pro singer on it for a duet final mix
thanks all for your guidance on mixing, think i've learnt a fair bit from you masters already and it's good to explore that side of recording, which i have always been a bit daunted by.
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Hello,
A fine groove cooking along here. It would be great to here another vocal in a higher register . I'd increase the volume of the lead guitar a little. It's a shame for it to fly under the radar.
I totally ge the diary reference. I'd say that every one of mine are autobiographical.
Welcome to the forum
Paul
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) Hi Paul thanks yea i think i've put the lead guitar to far back now, i had it too prominent to begin haha
Cheers :)