The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: montydog on July 01, 2020, 03:52:56 PM
-
Hello again,
A new song which is something a little different from my usual stuff. It's kind of a darkly humorous take on the old murder ballad theme. All feedback good and bad welcome. Hope you enjoy it.
M
https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/black-station-wagon
My friends warned me but I didn't listen
They said your old lady's been messin' around
With a guy in a black station wagon
He lives on the wrong side of town
He lives on the wrong side of town
They were seen in a bar on Tuesday
On Wednesday in the back of his car
By Thursday they were sat on his back porch
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
He drove a black station wagon
He had a black evil heart
And when I saw them together
Man it tore me apart
Yeah it tore me apart
Fresh turned earth in a wood in Wisconsin
Posters and appeals on TV
A couple that's just gone missing
It has nothing to do with me
It has nothing to do with me
May be they're on a beach in Belize
Or cruising the Mediterranean
I for one will be very surprised
If they ever show up again
So take heed all you sneakers and cheaters
One day you will have to pay
What seems like fun on a Monday
Could turn out a different way
Yeah it could turn out a different way
He drove a black station wagon
He had a black evil heart
They don't spend too much time together
Being dead it keeps them apart
Being dead it keeps them apart.
-
I like this tune a lot. It's a classic story that is well told with great instrumentation and good dynamic production choices.
I like where you go at 1:56 and I love the short instrumental that comes shortly after.
Just a great song all around with a chorus that sticks. Chuckling at the lyrical twist in the last chorus.
-
Alan,
Love the bluesy feel to this, I just flows along with the bass and drums providing a cool shuffled platform for your storytelling and vocals.
Cool guitar and sax solo.
Lots to like here.
:-)
Neil
-
I loved this! I think your more baritone-tone here suits the darker theme, and the jaunty backing sets off it so well.
Lots of lyrical clues as to what's to happen - which we might not get on the first listen but on the second all point to the inevitable conclusion.
Minor criticism - I think the word Mediterranean could be phrased differently, it sounded forced and spoilt that part a bit for me ("Mediterranean sea" might scan better and the loss of the end rhyme wouldn't be noticed I don't think).
But small beans, the overall effect is fabulous, great story and great listen.
-
Alan, a great bluesy feel here, lovely standout guitar. Tongue in cheek lyric tells the story exceptionally well which is the other standout, also fits the blues so well. I think I agree 'Mediterranean' sounds a little clumsy but that's a very minor point and overall this is great fun to listen to. Geoff
-
Quality stuff again.
No knits from me.
My favourite line has to be.
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
Great.
-
A perfect classic!!!!
I like how you describe though the lyrics that story @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
A very pleasant and elegant track!! The organ sounds great as well as the wind instruments!!
-
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - Love this one, I just imagined walking into a blues bar, and your band was playing this, just like old times, all smokey, hot and the smell of beer, lovely slide guitar. Nothing to add except would love to play the solo on this.
Has a bit of Van the Man in it...
Doesn't sound the same "He drove a Vauxhall Viva 1.6L Estate" does it?
-
Great song Alan, definite laid back bluesy feel.
Like it!
-
Nicely done! Rhythm flows with a nice shuffle, lead guitar & sax are fitting great
here. As mentioned your baritone suits the theme & story perfectly, I dig it :)
-
Hi Alan,
This would be a perfect vehicle for Dave Lee Roth in his Eat Em And Smile days.
I think he'd groove big time on this. Sort of like Just A Gigolo.
Loving the delivery.
That bass is just great.
The solo in to sax works perfectly - I'd have been tempted with a little more lead sax.
Cool lyrics. A cracking tune.
Digger
-
I thought this was fabulous Alan. Really enjoyed the jazzy vibe .The keys underpinning it are great and it's spot on for your vocals which are sounding mighty fine. Top work all around
-
Hi Alan I like the dark humour to this and the use of the 'unreliable narrator' who claims innocence. It's funny in songs or fiction, you feel sorry for, in this instance, the protagonist as the evil guy has stolen his missus. Then you realise that he's killed them and this seems quite reasonable in the circumstances ;D quite unlike real life, of course, so you pull off this fictional trick with aplomb. Makes it all very entertaining.
The jaunty blues influenced backing track has a slight dark edge to it, but at the same time seems quite bouncy and merry, again making the revenge murder seem to be inconsequential- if such a deed can be done on top of a cheery piece of music. I found the whole thing intriguing and subtly entertaining. Well pulled off!
-
Great tune @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)! Great storytelling in the lyrics. Love the instrumental at the end. A great classic! :)
-
Knockout lyrics and a real down and dirty smoky vibe.
"Freshly turned earth in a wood in Wisconsin"
was the pick of the bunch...and enough to set it apart from the other 95% of writers
i thought that you might have found a couple of bits awkward to phrase? That's maybe more because it's not the sort of thing i'm so familiar with...but it sounds great anyway!
i heard a line the other day...someone described someone else as being "a monday morning quarterback" which i thought was a brilliant line...and i thought "ooh...i wonder if i could use that in a song?" but i don't think i could...i'm too homespun, i think. You could, though...but why would you when you could write something better...
Backing was as cool as can be...and when the sax came in...it sounded like you were banging this out in a bar...and a sax player randomly dropped in for a beer on his way home and when he heard this, he thought "i'm having some of that" whipped it out of the case and joined in.
V cool.
-
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, This style really suited your voice. Great lyrics (although I do agree about the med bit),loved the instrumentation and the slide guitar and sax solos were brilliant. Very authentic!
Cheers
Jamie
-
That organ is great! :) Not just the organ of course.. great story telling.. You've gone all dark again, eh? And that deep laid-back vocal delivers the story beautifully.. Lyrics are the star though and in fine company.. Great production from beginning to end.. Fab!
K
-
Lol! Love it! The rhythm section has a great swing, great vocals and love that guitar solo, I'd give the guitar them sax bars as well :-)
Mix is spot on for the vibe and some ace lines in the lyrics.
I'm really enjoying your adventures into new musical territories!
-
Hiya Montydog. Yeah agree with most of the other posters on here. Lyrics and songwriting are fab. Some great turns of phrase which others have already Called out. As usual your production is very professional sounding and the mix is near spot on.
It’s definitely a song to showcase lyrics and story.
You have inspired me to listen to Nick Cave again. If you have not heard Murder Ballads I would highly recommend you check it out. I think you would enjoy it.
-
Ahh Monty, This is sublime ;D ;D ;D. I just love it my friend. So much that I aspire to here.
Love the instrumentation, arrangement, groove, lyrics, but most of all, it's that laid back, sophisticated vocal.
Just amazing mate. Don't think I've ever heard you play/sing this sort of thing before. It works really, really, really well ;D ;D
More please....
Take care, stay safe ;D
-
It's thank you time again :-) I am so pleased this song went down well; it is a bit of a departure from my usual. Thank you to all of you who helped this song become the most played song on the Soundcloud forum page for July.
I like this tune a lot. It's a classic story that is well told with great instrumentation and good dynamic production choices.
I like where you go at 1:56 and I love the short instrumental that comes shortly after.
Just a great song all around with a chorus that sticks. Chuckling at the lyrical twist in the last chorus.
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) Thanks for the kind words - glad you liked the song.
Knockout lyrics and a real down and dirty smoky vibe.
"Freshly turned earth in a wood in Wisconsin"
was the pick of the bunch...and enough to set it apart from the other 95% of writers
i thought that you might have found a couple of bits awkward to phrase? That's maybe more because it's not the sort of thing i'm so familiar with...but it sounds great anyway!
i heard a line the other day...someone described someone else as being "a monday morning quarterback" which i thought was a brilliant line...and i thought "ooh...i wonder if i could use that in a song?" but i don't think i could...i'm too homespun, i think. You could, though...but why would you when you could write something better...
Backing was as cool as can be...and when the sax came in...it sounded like you were banging this out in a bar...and a sax player randomly dropped in for a beer on his way home and when he heard this, he thought "i'm having some of that" whipped it out of the case and joined in.
V cool.
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Wow! thanks for the brilliant review - made my day and I'm so pleased that you got so much out of it.
Great tune @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)! Great storytelling in the lyrics. Love the instrumental at the end. A great classic! :)
@Andreas (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) Great that you liked the storytelling and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Hi Alan I like the dark humour to this and the use of the 'unreliable narrator' who claims innocence. It's funny in songs or fiction, you feel sorry for, in this instance, the protagonist as the evil guy has stolen his missus. Then you realise that he's killed them and this seems quite reasonable in the circumstances ;D quite unlike real life, of course, so you pull off this fictional trick with aplomb. Makes it all very entertaining.
The jaunty blues influenced backing track has a slight dark edge to it, but at the same time seems quite bouncy and merry, again making the revenge murder seem to be inconsequential- if such a deed can be done on top of a cheery piece of music. I found the whole thing intriguing and subtly entertaining. Well pulled off!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Many thanks for the long, thoughtful review. It means a lot.
I thought this was fabulous Alan. Really enjoyed the jazzy vibe .The keys underpinning it are great and it's spot on for your vocals which are sounding mighty fine. Top work all around
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Thanks for taking the time to listen and review. Brilliant that you liked it so much.
Hi Alan,
This would be a perfect vehicle for Dave Lee Roth in his Eat Em And Smile days.
I think he'd groove big time on this. Sort of like Just A Gigolo.
Loving the delivery.
That bass is just great.
The solo in to sax works perfectly - I'd have been tempted with a little more lead sax.
Cool lyrics. A cracking tune.
Digger
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) Thanks for the great review and for taking the time.
Nicely done! Rhythm flows with a nice shuffle, lead guitar & sax are fitting great
here. As mentioned your baritone suits the theme & story perfectly, I dig it :)
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) Glad you dig it and thanks
Alan,
Love the bluesy feel to this, I just flows along with the bass and drums providing a cool shuffled platform for your storytelling and vocals.
Cool guitar and sax solo.
Lots to like here.
:-)
Neil
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) Many thanks for the kind words as always.
Great song Alan, definite laid back bluesy feel.
Like it!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) Great that you liked the bluesy feel - blues is not my usual thing at all.
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - Love this one, I just imagined walking into a blues bar, and your band was playing this, just like old times, all smokey, hot and the smell of beer, lovely slide guitar. Nothing to add except would love to play the solo on this.
Has a bit of Van the Man in it...
Doesn't sound the same "He drove a Vauxhall Viva 1.6L Estate" does it?
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) No, you're right. American stuff always sounds way cooler. "Fresh turned earth in a wood in Wolverhampton" doesn't quite work!
A perfect classic!!!!
I like how you describe though the lyrics that story @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
A very pleasant and elegant track!! The organ sounds great as well as the wind instruments!!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Great that you liked the lyrics and instrumentation. Thanks for listening.
Quality stuff again.
No knits from me.
My favourite line has to be.
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
Great.
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) What a weekend it must have been!
Alan, a great bluesy feel here, lovely standout guitar. Tongue in cheek lyric tells the story exceptionally well which is the other standout, also fits the blues so well. I think I agree 'Mediterranean' sounds a little clumsy but that's a very minor point and overall this is great fun to listen to. Geoff
@Furry61 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22234) Hi Geoff - great that you liked the song. 'Mediterranean' was a bit tricky. I could do it better now though.
I loved this! I think your more baritone-tone here suits the darker theme, and the jaunty backing sets off it so well.
Lots of lyrical clues as to what's to happen - which we might not get on the first listen but on the second all point to the inevitable conclusion.
Minor criticism - I think the word Mediterranean could be phrased differently, it sounded forced and spoilt that part a bit for me ("Mediterranean sea" might scan better and the loss of the end rhyme wouldn't be noticed I don't think).
But small beans, the overall effect is fabulous, great story and great listen.
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) Thanks for the great review 'Mediterranean' is an issue I accept.
-
Great story telling. Thoroughly engaging from the introduction to tge end. You've created a really full sound without sacrificing song dynsmics. Really enjoyable!
Paul
-
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, This style really suited your voice. Great lyrics (although I do agree about the med bit),loved the instrumentation and the slide guitar and sax solos were brilliant. Very authentic!
Cheers
Jamie
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Thanks for the kind words. Means a lot coming from a man of your attainments.
Ahh Monty, This is sublime ;D ;D ;D. I just love it my friend. So much that I aspire to here.
Love the instrumentation, arrangement, groove, lyrics, but most of all, it's that laid back, sophisticated vocal.
Just amazing mate. Don't think I've ever heard you play/sing this sort of thing before. It works really, really, really well ;D ;D
More please....
Take care, stay safe ;D
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) Wow! What a lovely review. I'm blown away - thank you so much.
Hiya Montydog. Yeah agree with most of the other posters on here. Lyrics and songwriting are fab. Some great turns of phrase which others have already Called out. As usual your production is very professional sounding and the mix is near spot on.
It’s definitely a song to showcase lyrics and story.
You have inspired me to listen to Nick Cave again. If you have not heard Murder Ballads I would highly recommend you check it out. I think you would enjoy it.
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) Thanks for taking the time to listen and glad you enjoyed it. I'm not a great fan of Nick Cave's singing which has always been a bit of a stumbling block to me although I accept he is enourmously gifted.
Lol! Love it! The rhythm section has a great swing, great vocals and love that guitar solo, I'd give the guitar them sax bars as well :-)
Mix is spot on for the vibe and some ace lines in the lyrics.
I'm really enjoying your adventures into new musical territories!
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) Thanks for that. Glad you're enjoying my little forays into uncharted territory!
That organ is great! :) Not just the organ of course.. great story telling.. You've gone all dark again, eh? And that deep laid-back vocal delivers the story beautifully.. Lyrics are the star though and in fine company.. Great production from beginning to end.. Fab!
K
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Great stuff in the review - means a lot.
-
Hi Alan @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
I'm transported to some smoky jazz club, it's late at night and the place is swinging! Your voice suits this song perfectly in my opinion. The lyrics are imaginative and great - lighthearted and with underlying humour - it did sound like you tripped up on "Mediterranean".
Production wise, it sounded lovely - everything balanced nicely, with the little classy interludes from guitars and brass, interweaving with an effective organ sound rumbling away. Swings beautifully, good stuff!
-
Very rich production Alan. God you're good at that mate.😁👍🏻 mix sounds good. Lyrics tell the story well. I wanted a bit more melodically from the song itself but that's just me, I understand that the style is what it is....more about the feel than the hook.😁👍🏻
Nice work as always mate.🎶👊🏻🎶
-
Hi
A very enjoyable listen, I loved the shuffle based jazzy feel of the song and the instrumentation, arrangement and production are 1st class. You have a great voice which really delivers this dark but twisty story. Fabulous accomplished songwriting.