The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Unclenny on June 30, 2020, 08:20:35 PM
-
Being in between projects I spent some time looking back at some of the songs that I have on my back pages. I actually like many of them. ;)
I came across this interesting thing that I wrote five years ago. My wife was in the hospital with a pretty serious problem that the docs were struggling to figure out. It all ended well but it was a pretty stressful few days. One night I got home late from the hospital and was too worked up to sleep....so I wrote and tracked this song.
Hemolytic Blood Loss Blues
https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=13074981
Save me from this hemolytic fever
Save me from these blood loss blues
Save me
Then we'll see if I can't save you
Save me and I'll be a believer
If you stop this bleeding
Then I'll even pay my dues
Save me
Then we'll see if I can't save you
My heart is bleeding
Yes it has been abused
But part of it is still beating
Listen to it
And show me how to use it
Save me
Save me
Save me from these blood loss blues
Save me
Save me
Save me from these hemolytic blood loss blues
My heart is bleeding
Yes it has been abused
And the part of it that's still beating
Has the hemolytic blood loss blues
-
Hola @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
I really like the song, the sound has a great warmth and the guitar pannong clothe the song very cleverly.
I love this phrase
Listen to it
And show me how to use it
and the chorus
-
Hola Mora! @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) ....thank you for giving this one a listen and for your appreciation. :D
-
Hola Mora! @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) ....thank you for giving this one a listen and for your appreciation. :D
You are welcome, it's good to comment on a song like this one inspired on so heavy moments when everything goes well!!
Be safe!
-
I read the lyrics n really liked them.
Really enjoyed the listen, just a great sound.
Powerful brew of conventional n new.
Your voice has a take it or leave it quality to it.
Best thing I’ve heard in a while.
-
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Hi, your voice sounds great on this song, you've got a bit of a rasp which works well. Love the guitar sounds you get, and nice picking. Very good song nicely produced!
Cheers
Jamie
-
That's a very serious subject @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611), told from a personal perspective. It sounds like a lot of the restlessness you must have been feeling comes out in this, there's a real feel of agitation in there.
But some technically accomplished interwoven guitar all the same, and real grit and passion in the vocals, controlled anger and frustration coming out there.
-
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ....... serious thanks for that. Glad you liked those lyrics. I remember that they kind of tumbled out.....sometimes those are the best ones, right?
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) .....I appreciate that about the vocal. My voice was definitely a bit ragged that night and I guess it worked for this song. Thanks for listening,
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) ....... you're right about the feeling of agitation in this one. It is always a good thing when a feeling like that can be harnessed into a song. I listen to this song now and recall immediately the feelings of that...situation.
Thanks to all for listening to this tune.
:)
-
Yes.
The lyrics that tumble out are often the best
Why is that?
In such cases I suppose a lot of the refining and necessary focus is already taken care of.
-
Yes.
The lyrics that tumble out are often the best
Why is that?
In such cases I suppose a lot of the refining and necessary focus is already taken care of.
I actually think that they are sometimes best because we don't resort to as much refining with lyrics that come this way because we go with the emotional impact of that which has come from the heart and worry less about the details.
8)
-
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) - Love this Clenny -1, such space and a super live in the Studio feel, really dig the hesitation moments, a B3 wouldn't be out of place...as would a slidey hook featured on the Dobro ...
What a great way to start my day.
-
Got me smiling @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) . Glad you like those hesitations....I tend to do that. B3 is a fantastic idea. I just strung up my old Stella Harmony acoustic to see if I can recapture some of the vibe of this tune....definitely thinking B3 to go with it.
-
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) - glad i could help, Harmony - mmm i always wanted a Harmony Sovereign, looking forward to hearing the remix
-
I loved the unconventional feel of this @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) .Some fascinating guitar work and great gravelly vocals
-
I appreciate those kind words @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) ....especially about the guitar work. The humble truth is that I am not much of a player, even after all these years. I have learned that if I keep it simple the feeling comes out a lot better. ;)
8)
-
A bit late to this one (partly as I tend to cringe when I think there's a blues coming, and tend to cringe twice if the song has blues in the title!).
However, there's nothing too formulaic about this one - it has a taste of some of those old (Delta?) R&B tunes with slightly crazy guitar patterns which always seem to work... (Could it be the alternate tuning?)
Clever lyrical twist as well - refining lyrics is the only way I know, so maybe I can also learn something from this (save me from the lyric-overthinking blues?)
Cool and different - and effective.
-
What an interesting title and theme... and not a straight take on the blues... actuallly suits your playing style perfectly. Love the electric guitar! Some great rhythm going on there too... I really like the structure of it ‘on you’ (so to speak).
This line?
‘Save me and I'll be a believer
If you stop this bleeding’
Brilliant!!
Yes, I like this one a lot!
K
-
Phew, I'm also glad this wasn't 'blues' in any conventional sense. It's really rather super... everything from the world weary vocal delivery to the slightly syncopated acoustic rhythms to the interwoven electric to the simple-but-highly-effective production... it all works really well and is already lodged in my bonce. It's pre-breakfast time here but I'm gonna be carrying this one around today for sure.
-
Nice one Leonard - love the punchy guitar and the raspy vocals - reminds me of Canada's Bruce Cockburn ;D
Too many of us are stuck to the tick track - it's great to hear pauses and variations in tempo - not easy to do in a DAW but worth it for the feel of a song like this one.
Talented work here for sure ;D
Paul
-
This is a great sounding track. Love the guitar work and your bluesy delivery. Sounds really authentic and totally unlike anything on the forum.