The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on June 18, 2020, 02:40:18 PM
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Hi all, a new rock song for your consideration. Heavy rock riff song. I decided to have a go at writing in a relatively obscure time signature. I think it creates a certain tension.Another cheery post apocalypse/post industrial song. The idea is that at some point there will be an event (zero day) where another man made disaster begins. You almost certainly won't realise it at the time, but later it will be obvious that the clock started ticking then. After 75 years of objectively 'good times' with few wars, economic growth, improved living standards etc we will maybe be heading for the next big bang.As I said, cheery ;).Anyhoo, your constructive crits are welcome.
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/metal-and-dust
Metal and dust
Zero day disconnect
Please don't lie theres no effect
Chorus
Too many lies, there's no surprise
No-one looks,into your eyes
New day sun will surely rise
Same old day no surprise
Look where we came from, gas and dust
Here comes the future, metal and rust
Where are we going, and who do we trust
Here comes the future, metal and dust
Bleeding hearts deselect
No more time to reflect
Chorus
Pushing back who will react
Careful you don't get trapped
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I love the time signature. What's cool about this tune for me is the absolute weight of the rhythm section counterbalanced by the somewhat lighter tone of the vocals......metal and dust.
My only issue with this song is how it ends on that guitar solo. I wanted a whole lot more. I was hearing an extended instrumental section and then more of those great vocals. :)
The lyrics work well with the feeling of the whole production....as well as with the feeling of these times.
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Have been really looking forward to listening to this since we discussed songs in weird time signatures the other week. The bass is a killer sound and gives the song such drive. You seem to be exploring lots of different dimensions in your writing just recently. That's absolutely brilliant :) Surely about 8 minutes too short for a prog masterpiece though ;D Top work as ever dude
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Oh yes - I do love an interesting time sig (I'm such a songwriting nerd!) .. I aspire to such inventiveness. I LOVE this!! Lovely heavy bass and guitars.. drums are great.. Only note for me is that I felt it could do with even more harmonies - layered...
Fab!!!
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - Dear mr Squire/fripp, gorgeous gtr sound, my cuppa tea entirely...You’re getting good a this prog stuff.
Well on with the dress and foxes head...
These are words with a D this time....
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Really great sounding keys behind the driving bass / Rhythm !
I would have liked the vocals a bit more upfront, but they sound great as always
with your voice. I got a Yes feel from this and as mentioned the time sig works
very well here! nicely done Jamie :)
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Hi Jamie. Lots to love in this. The industrial backing and rhythm are great. Drums are epic. It’s a cool song. I do have a slight issue with the production. It’s a bit too clean, and I think you can easily fix this by experimenting with a few vocal effects as it’s the vocals that sound the most clean in the production overall. I love the outro and the last few seconds offer a glimpse of a sound you could potentially develop further. Love how the drums let rip a bit more.
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Ah I really like this.
Well done Jamie
I wish I could do this. Lol.
Really thrilling.
Everything is fine here.
But I’d have put more more discord and anger in the voice. That’s just me.
Top notch!
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Cracking bass line and sound! 8) anther goodun from you, my only slight crit could be that maybe the bass could stop for a few bars somewhere then come bangin back in again...only a slight crit though...doesn't sound a bit like ABBA..LOL ;D
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Hey Jamie ;D
Hope you're coping well with all the sht going on. Your music certainly hasn't suffered ;D. This is a top song mate...
Love the vocal. Nice calm, cool feel/delivery, worked well against the aggresive guitars, and some lovely melodies ;D
Amazing arrangement...as usual ;D and great production. Nothing I can criticise, or would change.
Always a pleasure my friend ;D ;D ;D
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I really like the heavy distorted bass riff and prog drums that underpin this opus. Great vocals and great guitar you really are on a roll and just keep on getting better.
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Hi guys, thanks for listening.
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Hi, not that long ago I would have turned this into a 5-7 min song without even trying. I've really tried to home in on the key elements of the songs and keeping them tight. All my recent songs have been in the 3-4 min range .Previously the vast majority of my songs were over 5 mins, so its a conscious decision.But, I do agree that the genre of this song would normally demand a guitar solo and more freaking out on the outro. Glad you liked the time signature and the instrumentation, I think I delivered what I was after!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D see my answer above ref the length of the song, you're not wrong. Yes I seem to have found some new inspiration from somewhere and also trying new things with instruments and structures. Glad you enjoyed it!
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, it was nice to meet you last night, and to disclose my nationality ;D. Yes, more harmonies could have improved it, but to be honest it took me ages to record the ones I did use, I found it really difficult to replicate the timing of the vocals over that signature :P. So pleased you enjoyed it! Might have a go at another 5/4 song 8).
Cheers guys!
Jamie
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Hi Thanks for listening!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
Hi Rich, if only I could play like the gentlemen you named! Have you ever listened to Fracture by King Crimson? It blows my mind that anyone can play that, listen to it all the way through! Back to the make up and outfits dept for the next song!
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448)
Hi, I'm so pleased you mentioned the keyboards, they were a late addition. I'd tried a lot of different keyboard ideas that didn't seem to work. Just before I mixed it I added the keys as an afterthought, I thought they really added to the song. Love Yes, so thanks for that. I actually spent lots of time trying to optimise the vocals, better luck next time ;).
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)
Hi, At one stage I did have vocal effects, but I took them off as I wanted there to be a contrast between the backing and the vocals........oh well ;). Yes I did think of extending the song, but as I said further up the thread it was a conscious decision to keep the song 'tight'. Glad you enjoyed it!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi thanks for listening!
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi, yes my wife said the same thing about the vocal, bu tas I've said before I'm stuck with the voice I have :P ::) ;D. Glad you enjoyed it!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
Hi Kevin, sorry I didn't mean to offend you with the ABBA comment ;D ;D ;D. I get the comment about dropping the bass out, that's why I put the 4/4 section into the song to break up the driving of the main time signature.....Thanks glad you thought it a goodun ;)
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)
Hi Bin, hope you are well, thanks for the great comments, it was a lot of fun to do. I'd tried a 7/4 composition before and couldn't 'get it'. But I fell straight into the groove with this bass riff playing with the drum track in a few seconds...astonishing for me ;D. Cheers Bin, great to hear from you!
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Hi, thanks for your great comments, I do seem to be on a bit of a roll at the moment! I'll need to keep it going!
Thanks guys, lots of fab comments!
Cheers
Jamie
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Another corker, Jamie!
Sounds fantastic...super vocals, harmonies and great playing. The end caught me completely off-guard too!
To be honest, I was confused trying to keep track of what was happening as the song went along...I think I probably need to expand my thinking :)
Really excellent!
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Really like this one! The riff is simple but effective to give some real drive and energy. Your vocals actually really suit it too - very nice contrast. Really like the harmonies, they take those parts up another level. Lyrics work very well - I also like how the lines combine to take us back to the title. I suspect this is a deceptively simple production but it sounds very professional indeed.
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I like a lot. The production is spot on, creating a very full and rich sound from relatively few sound components. The bassline is magic. As for placing this song in a particular genre or musical period/style, I find that hard. Which in this case is a good thing. This is a very original piece of work!
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Hi Jamie,
It's great that you've used an unusual time signature - very clever and the technical side of this is beyond criticism. From a purely personal point of view, I avoid prog rock like the plague (see what I did there?!) so this did colour my judgement quite a lot. I respect it but I'm struggling to like it. My problem, not yours.
M
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Hi Jamie, don't see any Biffy influences here, shame ;) But that driving bass and building rhythm section gives this song real beef. Your sweeter vocal is a great counter balance to it, even having a bit of a pop flavour to it at times.
You're at the top of your game technically with this, in the playing, the composition and the production. The lead guitar is a dream. I liked the brevity, exactly what you wouldn't expect, so then challenging the genre convention, great idea. Much attention to detail and complexity in such a short journey. Very cool indeed.
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Hi guys thanks for listening!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, yes I think it the time signature that squeezes your brain ;). Having that off beat signature just unbalances the dynamics of the song and creates some tension waiting for the resolve ;) :P ::). Great comments its appreciated!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, yes the production was straightforward from the mixing and mastering perspective, but playing over that time signature and bass riff was hard (at least for me). In 4/4 it's pretty easy to know when to come in, when you're counting and singing/playing its a lot more difficult. I found it especially so with the vocals , doubling and harmonising took much longer than usual. Glad you enjoyed it!
@The Estuary (SWE) (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22380)
Hi, ORIGINAL is GOOD! ;D ;). Glad you enjoyed it, yes I think the baseline is pivotal for the song and yet it was the easiest bit to write and play. Adding the keyboard chords meant lots of counting (and swearing ;))
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan,No problem, I often comments on songs that I wouldn't listen to otherwise ;D. I think the time signature thing is something I'll have another go at, it seems to work, but inevitably any thing written in a strange time signature will sound Proggy! Thanks for listening cool comments about the playing and production.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Hi Michael, No Biffy here, but they do use unusual time signatures from time to time!Brevity is my middle name ;). Great comments, thanks so much!
And nobody mentioned the EQ on the hi hats ;D ;) 8) ::) :P
Cheers
Jamie
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) by "deceptively simple" what I really meant was sounds simple to us but I bet it wasn't really!
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Hola @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Sorry, I thought I had commented on your song but no...
The lyrics are powerful, simple words to describe so important things... I liked the chorus and the arrangement as well of your way of singing.
Take care, everything is true into that lie.
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Hell yes! Love the time sig and that bass! The vocals works extremely well in this context. Missing some guitars, esp in the chorus but everything else I fecking love!!!!!
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Great sound, i like it, great vocals & harmony.
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Really cool one Jamie, very inventive... drew me in and I gave it several listens as there was plenty to explore. Nice to hear you getting a little heavier than usual too. I'm also wrestling with an unusual time sig at the minute but it is not sounding anywhere near as good as this one... Much respect!
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, yes it was fun to do but challenging!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi, glad you liked the lyric and the vocals!
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi, your comments made me laugh out loud! ;D. I did have more guitars in an earlier version, but I loved the simplicity/complexity of the bass riff and I didn't want to detract from that :P 8). I also wanted to do a longer guitar solo outro but my new found attention to keeping everything tight in the structure prevented me from indulging myself. ::) Played live it would definitely have more guitar in it!
Cheers!
Jamie
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Hi all thanks for listening!
@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi, Yep I'm pleased with the bass sound particularly.Glad you liked the harmonies!
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034)
Hi,Thanks for the great comments, it's appreciated. Yes, trying a new time signature definitely took me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to create something very different for me! Good luck with yours I'm sure it will be challenging and inspirational!
Cheers!
Jamie