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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Brunosrevenge on June 17, 2020, 02:28:05 PM

Title: The Track Untaken First Demo
Post by: Brunosrevenge on June 17, 2020, 02:28:05 PM

So first tune ever fully recorded- a steep learning curve!

THE TRACK UNTAKEN
https://drive.google.com/file/d/17qBxiIpXfo6OWDmiRIo7hthSkIkANP4V/view?usp=sharing (https://drive.google.com/file/d/17qBxiIpXfo6OWDmiRIo7hthSkIkANP4V/view?usp=sharing)

Interested in some constructive feedback-

1.anything different  I could do in the middle 8 section? A solo feels like a cop out?
2. would it work as well without the bass intro/break?
3. I think the chorus lyrics work well together (based on the Robert Frost poem THe Road Not Taken) but not sure the verses compliment that idea enough

 Lyrics

One more grounded pilot
Another beached white shark
The holes shot in your gas tank have you
Trudging home in the dark

These Boots keep dragging me
Further down a track untaken
Once more step out unsure
with a heavy laod on the hollow road

A badge against evil
A talisman for fear
When the compass span out
St Christopher left us here

These Boots keep dragging me
Further down a track untaken
Once more step out unsure
with a heavy laod on the hollow road

Title: Re: The Track Untaken First Demo
Post by: shadowfax on June 22, 2020, 07:08:17 PM

Hi, song could be ok, needs to be in a space though, ie a bit of verb would be good and I don't think a guitar solo would be a cop out...

Title: Re: The Track Untaken First Demo
Post by: Binladeda on June 23, 2020, 09:16:22 AM

 Hi,

 Well, I really like this ;D. The only thing I think it's lacking is 'energy'.  I think it should be a bit more 'in your face'.  Maybe you could up the bpm for a bit somewhere and add some thrashy guitars, and got to town with the drums.  Not sure really, but that was my initial thought when I was listening.  Hope that helps ;D

 Really like the character/style of your vocal, it makes the song for me.

Title: Re: The Track Untaken First Demo
Post by: Brunosrevenge on June 24, 2020, 04:30:03 PM

Thanks both!

Yes, I need to look deeper into reverb, I find it hard to find the fine line between hardly noticable and trapped down a well...

@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)  glad someone likes my vocals! Most of the things I have written are MUCH faster and thrashier... Yeah, the pace is a bit ploddy on this one- I blame the drum machine!

Title: Re: The Track Untaken First Demo
Post by: Arthur_Satine on August 21, 2020, 01:16:54 AM

I would love to produce it if I had the time. Sounds great, but the instruments need to be improved