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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on June 10, 2020, 07:45:48 PM
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An angry little ditty, mostly made up of insults stringed together.
I tried to write them a little "in the Style of @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)" and naturally failed miserably, ended up with another Jambrains song 8)
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) saved me from making a completely fool of myself when it comes to the English language.
As a side note, wine and beer are not considered booze in Sweden so you can be out of booze but even if you still have beer.
As usual, all and any input welcome!
In your chest there is a hole
where you used to have a heart
But maybe I’m mistaken
did you have one at the start?
You fill that void with money
and let nothing or no one
get in your way
in your way
Despite your finery and grandeur
you're just a pig
with better manners
and to me you'll always be
Satan in a suit
Your teeth are white
and shiny
but I bet your ****
is tiny
To me you'll always be just
Satan in a suit
We all sprang from the apes but you
you didn't spring far enough.
You claim to be sophisticated
but I will call your bluff
Roses are red and Violets are blue
I've got five fat fingers
and the middle one is for you
for you
Despite your finery and grandeur
you're just a pig
with better manners
and to me you'll always be
Satan in a suit
Your teeth are white
and shiny
but I bet your ****
is tiny
To me you'll always be just
Satan in a suit
I pray that you are shipwrecked
without Netflix, phone or booze
With an oversized alarm clock
that you don't know how to snooze
Without a Starbucks near
and only lukewarm beer
and big, bad, barking dog
that's not your own
not your own
Despite your finery and grandeur
you're just a pig
with better manners
and to me you'll always be
Satan in a suit
Your teeth are white
and shiny
but I bet your ****
is tiny
To me you'll always be just
Satan in a suit
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Great song, JB!
Some great lines in here...and some real chucklesome ones too...
The muscular guitar-driven backing punches the message home with venomous panache...two words that we don't get to use together very often...like "disappointing blowjob"
I'm quite tickled by the kind reference too, thanks! :)
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Love those lyrics "Shipwrecked without Netflix" :) @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) and that bass is a killer. Lovely guitar as ever. Enjoying that riff in the second verse. Great little number excellently executed
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Fun song! Though if the song originated from some personal experience of dealing with *****s like this then sorry for that...
I think my favourite line is "you didn't spring far enough".
Perhaps it's the devil but I got a Stones vibe from this one - great guitars and bass behind the vocals. Very nice.
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Wow! You've really thrown the insult book at this one. Some (well most) of the put downs are brilliant - my favourite is:
"I pray that you are shipwrecked
without Netflix, phone or booze
With an oversized alarm clock
that you don't know how to snooze"
One of the wittiest, funniest and imaginative songs I have ever heard on here. I'm blown away.
M
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Hey, I enjoyed this humorous side of @jambrains, wickedly funny and I always enjoy songs with biting insults in them. They're the best of both worlds - funny, but with a darker side too.
As a guy from Sweden, even if you did have the help of your Irish editor, these lyrics couldn't have been written by many a native English speaker that I know. Very modern and almost poetic. Very entertaining!
The tune's pretty good too with a great pay-off line. Liked it a lot.
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Another strong song @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875), I really like the style of what you produce.
Probably my only point is I don't like fade outs on rock songs. I've just added one to my soul number for the Alien Genre Challenge and I had to go against that belief but it's only soul so it fits.
Great song.
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What a great entertaining @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) song.
It was a hoot listening to some of those creative insults - best lyrics I've seen in a long while :D
All wrapped in a typical pro sounding package ready for the underground radio.
BTW - super vocals - yeah you know that is true! ;D
Good stuff
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Love your stuff....always........Love the title, it's what attracted me.
I had a dream of the devil in a bright white suit....red tail, horns and a beautiful tailored white suit. He was looking at two bewildered souls, and he remarked, "I never told you I was your friend".
Yeah....great title......you beat me to it!!!!!!
Good stuff, man.............rock on!
-Tom
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Reminds me a little of "Positively 4th Street" by Dylan. (or was it 9th street?)
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Super funny and super song, you never fail to deliver..such a talent..
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hola @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Your song expresses what many of us think, hahaha a great outlet that puts you in a good mood, to hell with Satan and his suit!
The musical style is adequate although at first, after that powerful guitar introduction, I was shocked when they stopped playing and the voice appeared. Well, it's just my feeling but apart from that, I think about the highly developed lyrics that you have done and I imagine that I, with my accent, would have a hard time singing all those words ...
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi, those good ol' boys from down in Alabama couldn't have done a better job on this! Love the lyric, made me laugh out loud, and tip top production as usual 8)
Cheers
Jamie
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - Interesting double hits in the intro, unusual...great lyrics, nice ideas, superb production.
Can't suggest anything, I like the overall vibe
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253): thanks! ;D
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) : yeah, who could survive without Netflix? ;D
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124): no worries, no personal experiences involved, purely fictional
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653), wow, you are too kind really! :D
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274): yes, I enjoy a fun song every now and then. :D Thanks for the compliments re the lyric, much appreciated
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588): agree re fades but for some reason it felt right this time.
@Paulsk: Lol! Thanks a mill!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409): I imagined mine in a black suit so you can still write your version ;) Thnaks for the kind words!
@hardtwistmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19215): I have no idea, only song I ever heard is Blowin' in the wind :)
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024): thanks mate!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233): thanks you. Yes, there is a mouthful of words here and there so some part required quite a few takes before I got it right.
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125). finally someone noticed! :) I have not checked but I think the chord progression in the chorus is pretty close to a famous song by a famous southern band ;) ;)
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308): thanks pal! :)