The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Sebandme on May 29, 2020, 01:19:15 PM
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Hello everyone!
This is a song I did a few months ago and thought I'd share with you. All feedback welcome. Not alot to it really just me and my guitar!
Listen to I'm your man by Sebastian And Me on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/sebastianandme/im-your-man
This house aint no home,
Now you're no longer here.
I'm out in the cold now honey.
Just like the wind,
My memories twist and fade,
Everytime I look into the mirror.
Rain drops fall,
Leaves fly by,
Snow drifts around,
In the deep sunshine
Underneath the night sky,
Gazing into your eyes.
There the brightest stars I see.
Holding my world together.
Making it feel perfect.
Theres no better place for me.
Times running out for us,
We gotta keep running as fast as we can.
And I want you, to understand.
Times running out for us,
We gotta keep running as fast as we can.
And I want you, to understand,
I'm your man
I'm your man
I'm your man
I'm your, I'm your man.
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Nice ethereal feel to this piece @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) . For me a lot of that feel comes from how you have your voice riding right inside the wave of the music.
Really enjoyed this listen.
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This is lovely song my friend..beautifully sang...just super..
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Really nice song. Great feel to it and you have a great voice for it. Personally, I'd like to hear a really clean more produced version of it although maybe the simplicity is part of it's magic!
Good stuff.
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491)
Hi, this is beautiful,love it. Made me think of The Blue Nile a bit. The vocal is delicate and fits wonderfully well.
Excellent !
Jamie
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Beautiful.. I love the simple arrangement - it really works .. the melody is gorgeous and there is real emotion in the words and the way you deliver them.. As I said... beautiful..
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Lovely song. Congratulations. :)
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Thanks for checking it guys and what a lovely reaction it's been given @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) thank you so much for taking the time to listen its appreciated.
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) - Just beautiful, never tire of hearing your work...Your Vocals are just superb, and the feeling is right on the button.
I have got a few ideas....You know me...
What a great way to start a Sunday, thanks Man
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) This is a lovely song - Fabulous vocals. Loved the stripped back laid back vibe. Great stuff
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This song just oozes vulnerability and beauty @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491). Kept simple with just enough arrangement supporting the lovely vocal. I like how you strip it back completely at times, particularly for the outro refrain, where the temptation would have been to go for the conventional big build up. But what you did instead was just great.
Nice work indeed.
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Cripes mate, this is good - the best I've heard your voice sounding - outstanding vocal delivery. You've got a little bit of a Kelly Jones from the Stereophonics husk going on (in fact the feel of the track could be one of their acoustic based ones too). Strong vocal melody lines too - the prechorus sounded good enough to be a chorus, but then the chorus (the 'Times running out' section, I guess that's the chorus?) even tops it... kind of a shame that section doesn't get repeated more. Although it works fine as it is, if you ever re-record this I'd be inclined to try a slightly faster version where you get to that section more quickly and repeat it later as it is darn hooky. That would make it a more conventional song structure of course (although maybe that's not what you want, maybe you want to keep it more of a wistful lament). The only thing I didn't like in the current version was the ending, it just seemed to peter out... personally I never really dig fade outs anyway but it did feel like this one deserved a bigger finish. Really great track though... and I think it could be really, really, really great with a bit of restructuring.
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A really strong track!
I think every track I've heard from you has been excellent...you've got a great ear for a tune and the chops to go with it.
Super vocals...fitting the mood very nicely. Probably right about the Stererophonics/Kelly Jones thing...but I think they'd be more than chuffed to have this one in their catalogue...and I could see this blowing away most of their other stuff at a gig.
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) jeez guys thankyou so much for your kind words, I'll be completely honest when I wrote it I kinda thought it wasnt all that great you know like a bit meh.....it was only last week i found it after going through old emails because I'd sent it to a friend for feedback. When I listened to it I thought actually it sounds ok. I honestly didnt think it would get a reaction it has so many nice words. So I think I've learnt a lesson here dont write off songs because I dont think there great other people might think there good. Again thankyou to everyone for checking it out.
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This is honestly amazing! The vocals have a lot of emotion, the melody is very smooth and definitely delivers the emotion. I like that the lyrics are very honest and simple, also I like how they build up to the title of the song in the end, pretty cool. My favorite part is
Rain drops fall,
Leaves fly by,
Snow drifts around,
In the deep sunshine
The melody is amazing honestly
Also, lyrically the part that goes
Underneath the night sky,
Gazing into your eyes.
There the brightest stars I see.
Holding my world together.
especially that last line, I mean hats off, it's awesome! :D
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491),
You're a fine songwriter and vocalist. This much is evident from your guitar vocal take. Makes me wish I had time to offer to produce for you. Unfortunately, the Gods of work demand that I do not languish too long in the world of music as I once did.
Quality writing which could shine beyond belief with the right suit of production.
Paul