The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Andi on May 22, 2020, 05:47:36 PM
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Hey there,
I've written a new song. Its about the feeling you get when others talk bad about somebody you love. But I think this is obvious if you read through the lyrics.
As I'm not a native speaker I wonder, if the lyrics make sense to you guys? Or if there is something wrong or unclear about it. I put "eye to eye" in brackets because im not sure if i want to use it and if it makes sense in this context. For now I prefer "feel inside".
Thank you so much in advance.
Lyrics:
Disarmed
Verse1:
I heard your name
through a laughters haze
it hurts my soul
how they speak about you
it changed how I
(see eye to eye)
feel inside
and i know
i can do better
Refrain:
if they could see you how I do
they would be alarmed
if they could feel you how i do
they would be disarmed
Verse 2:
it hit me hard
when they tore you apart
i guess they dont know
who you really are
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no thoughts on this? ;)
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Hey there,
I've written a new song. Its about the feeling you get when others talk bad about somebody you love. But I think this is obvious if you read through the lyrics.
As I'm not a native speaker I wonder, if the lyrics make sense to you guys? Or if there is something wrong or unclear about it. I put "eye to eye" in brackets because im not sure if i want to use it and if it makes sense in this context. For now I prefer "feel inside".
Thank you so much in advance.
Lyrics:
Disarmed
Verse1:
I heard your name
through a laughters haze
it hurts my soul
how they speak about you
it changed how I
(see eye to eye)
feel inside
and i know
i can do better
Refrain:
if they could see you how I do
they would be alarmed
if they could feel you how i do
they would be disarmed
Verse 2:
it hit me hard
when they tore you apart
i guess they dont know
who you really are
Hello @Andi (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22520)
I like this. It’s simple and coherent.
If a songwriter is in the right space I think these lyrics would be very effective.
There’s an endearing sentiment throughout.
This part of the forum is not so popular as other parts.
I think that’s because it’s more difficult for musicians to get with songs without music.
(I often don’t come here, usually stand alone lyrics are weak.)
I do like these lyrics. As a poem it’s not enough.
It has a clarity. With the right music it’d be a top song.
Let’s hear it.
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thanks so much for your reply! you helped me a lot! i will post the song as soon as it is recorded and mixed thanks!
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Hi @Andi (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22520)
Yes it certainly makes sense so don`t worry on that score. I agree with @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) & look forward to hearing the final song.
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Thank you Lars!